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Why aren't I welcome?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in General Chat
Heyy..... well yeah, to be honest I am going to stop using the site, but before I do I just want to know why I'm not welcome here? Every time I post advice somebody will say something like "she's only twelve" or "what do you know about it?" That sort of thing. Normally I wouldn't care and would just ignore this, but every single time it happens. I thought thesite was about welcoming people in? Not victimising them due to age- a factor they can not control. You are all going to think I am just moaning, but honeslty I am getting quite upset... Now I'm going to get comments like "oh it's cos your immature" But what I find immature is:
A) Telling someone that their advice isn't worth listening to
and
Telling this to someone who is only trying to help, and try's to keep others best intrests at heart.
The later of those two is why I no longer wish to use the site, as I know I am unwelcome and others would prefer me to leave. I try very very hard to not let things like this get to me, and stand up for myself, but I don't understand why I should! I have not done anything wrong apart from offer help. When I joined thesite a few months ago, I did receive a lot of great advice- I wont deny that. Nor will I deny the fact it helped me to not self harm as much, and respect myself as a person. I may only be a child, and I may have only used thesite for a brief period of time.... But surely my advice is just as good as the next persons?
C-A
A) Telling someone that their advice isn't worth listening to
and
Telling this to someone who is only trying to help, and try's to keep others best intrests at heart.
The later of those two is why I no longer wish to use the site, as I know I am unwelcome and others would prefer me to leave. I try very very hard to not let things like this get to me, and stand up for myself, but I don't understand why I should! I have not done anything wrong apart from offer help. When I joined thesite a few months ago, I did receive a lot of great advice- I wont deny that. Nor will I deny the fact it helped me to not self harm as much, and respect myself as a person. I may only be a child, and I may have only used thesite for a brief period of time.... But surely my advice is just as good as the next persons?
C-A
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This discussion has been closed.
Comments
I have only seen your age been mentioned twice and one of them (from the way I read it) was not in a bad way
You're as welcome on here as anyone, IMO...
I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling unwelcome you may we younger than a lot of other posters but rest assured you are just as welcome. I hope you might reconsider sticking around and remember if you ever feel you've been singled out you can always talk to a moderator :yes:
Stick around. If anybody gives you hard time in future I'll beat em up for you, hows about that?
It's a discussion board. You'll never get on with everyone... but it is worth sticking around, as there is good advice to be had.
C-A x
I very rarely give out advice on this site these days after coming to the conclusion that many members here are, pardon my French, ungrateful bastards. On countless occasions, I have tried to give out advice (not always the best, by my admission) and been personally attacked for it or told that my advice isn't welcome. Funnily enough, it's always the same wankers that keep telling me these things - so why waste my time?
From someone who has too often been on the wrong side of the rules I think the moderators do a fantastic job in often difficult circumstances.
Sorry that post was a bit harsh, had a few too many and a bit of a row with someone so was venting by anger. lol
Very true i agree :yes:
But as Jo said the best thing to do is if you feel someone is being unkind, report it to a moderator who may be able to deal with it. You need to remember that the people on here aren't professionals, they're average people and so have their failings too whether that's a lack of sympathy of whatever.
Just take it easy, it would be a shame to see you go on such bad terms . I really recommend PMing Jo or Jim if something on here is upsetting you though.
Take care.
Although you did say about her in this particular thread that you would 'find it patronising to take advice from a 12 year old girl' :chin:
I wouldn't find it patronising at all, I don't look at people's ages on here. If they offer good advice then I will listen!
And crying-angle I know where you are coming from but you shouldn't fel that way. ometimes I want to post things on threads but know that I would probably get shot down by a few people on here just because of my opinion. Thats why I don't post that much tbh :no:
:yes:
Also, just bear in mind that sometimes people have 'off days'.
I know if I am feeling happy, my posts may reflect that - but if I'm in a mood, my posts can be a little sarcastic, for example. Don't judge a poster until you get a good feel of what their general postings are like. I can safely say that there is no regular poster on this board that I don't like. I may disagree with many people (especially on the Politics & Debate board) and get into heated arguments, but it doesn't detract from the fact that I like them and respect them as individuals.
So stay. And when I no doubt insult you in the future, just give back as good as you get! *hugs*
Crying-angel x x
Anyone who's prepared to come and give advice is welcome on these boards. So are those who just want to come and piss about, unless they're being abusive.
To be quite honest, I don't care what you think.
Hmm. The thing is Kermit just gave you perfectly good advice there and you responded with attitude.
People are more likely to like you if you don't mouth off at them. Just a thought.
:chin: :yeees:
Not an appropriate response, IMO. Kermit was indeed fair with his comments.
Crying-angel x
I think your response/attitude is a bit on the reactionary side. You're not having any arguments here - you're reacting to people's responses, as they are to you. It's called "discussion", which is what these boards are for.
Take a deep breath and just take people's points on board. There is no reason to leave the board - you have to learn that there will be some people that will always disagree with you, whether it be advice you are giving, or your attitudes to people. This is one of the times that you are really showing your age, as you're dealing with this in exactly the manner I would usually expect a 12 year old to.
See, you were doing really well up to that point.
If that's the only thing you've got to say then don't post those comments. If you want to argue your case then go for it, but that's the kind of thing that means people will come down on you. If you're going to say you don't care what Kermit thinks, without discussing it further, then why should anyone care what you think?
By all means think in your head that you don't give a damn about what Kermit says, but posting it is what causes problems.
It's a good lesson for life too, and from what you mentioned earlier learning when to let things go and just say nothing is a useful life skill.
Ronan had a good point when he sang 'you say it best, when you say nothing at all'. At times nothing is the best thing to say.
Ok. NOW you're acting like a 12 year old! Noone was rude to you. Kermit says things as he sees them but it doesn't mean he is being rude or unfriendly. And he is usually right. He's a wise boy, is our Kermit.
Seriously, stop and take a breath and reread his post. He offered his opinion but he didn't attack you in any way.
This entire thread has been about you throwing your toys out of the pram and it's been very attention-seeking. If you don't like it here, leave. If you do like it here, stay. Either way, quit the whingeing. People aren't out to get you, but they soon will be if you keep mouthing off at them like you mouthed off at me.
I haven't read the thread in question but from what Kermit said up there ^^ I think you have possibly overreacted. Giving advice over PMs is good, but one of the main points of this forum is for people who aren't members to be able to search for a question and find the answers without the need to sign up. The Private Message system is all well and good and perhaps ending your message with "if you need any more help, feel free to PM me" or something similar would have been more well received. Olive and GWST are very clever people, and even someone who hates everyone on here, like SG, would admit that. Neither of them have ever been rude or unkind, but as I said, they will say what they think.
Now I'm gonna go and read the thread and see how right I am .
2. Some peeps and a mod say of course you're welcome
3. Some more peeps come into thread about feeling unwelcome, and make them feel more unwelcome (wilfully or not)
4. Newbie wants to leave
Good going.