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Why aren't I welcome?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Heyy..... well yeah, to be honest I am going to stop using the site, but before I do I just want to know why I'm not welcome here? Every time I post advice somebody will say something like "she's only twelve" or "what do you know about it?" That sort of thing. Normally I wouldn't care and would just ignore this, but every single time it happens. I thought thesite was about welcoming people in? Not victimising them due to age- a factor they can not control. You are all going to think I am just moaning, but honeslty I am getting quite upset... Now I'm going to get comments like "oh it's cos your immature" But what I find immature is:
A) Telling someone that their advice isn't worth listening to
and
B) Telling this to someone who is only trying to help, and try's to keep others best intrests at heart.
The later of those two is why I no longer wish to use the site, as I know I am unwelcome and others would prefer me to leave. I try very very hard to not let things like this get to me, and stand up for myself, but I don't understand why I should! I have not done anything wrong apart from offer help. When I joined thesite a few months ago, I did receive a lot of great advice- I wont deny that. Nor will I deny the fact it helped me to not self harm as much, and respect myself as a person. I may only be a child, and I may have only used thesite for a brief period of time.... But surely my advice is just as good as the next persons?
C-A
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok first of all, you are welcome! You have gave me some really good advice and I don't care what age you are! Yes it was a bit of a shock considering that you really did give me good advice but that's only because I don't really know any mature 12 year olds like you. So on my part I was wrong.

    I have only seen your age been mentioned twice and one of them (from the way I read it) was not in a bad way :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can you like to the comments that had been made against you?

    You're as welcome on here as anyone, IMO... :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey crying-angel,

    I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling unwelcome :( you may we younger than a lot of other posters but rest assured you are just as welcome. I hope you might reconsider sticking around and remember if you ever feel you've been singled out you can always talk to a moderator :yes:
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    You are welcome, especially if your asking for and giving out advice, sometimes people forget that's what these boards are here for.

    Stick around. If anybody gives you hard time in future I'll beat em up for you, hows about that? :D
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ah... I've just seen it. Don't worry about it, C-A. Stick around and learn about the different types of people in life... you'll soon twig that some people would rather be dismissive, dominating and argumentative than have a quiet word to try and help...

    It's a discussion board. You'll never get on with everyone... but it is worth sticking around, as there is good advice to be had. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aanndd! You've just got that sentance under your name changed! It took ages to think of that :D so you can't leave!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay.......... Thank you for actually making me smile everyone :-) And click to see more, you know the thread I'm talking about mainly- I got so sick of reading peoples comments I couldn't bring myself to read the last ones. I start counselling tomorrow, and I think I just need to express all my emotions! I guess everything's just getting on top of me at the moment, the slightest thing seems like it's going to make me fall. So, as I said, thank you for making me smile everyone, it's nice to know that I am welcomed by some xx
    C-A x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jo7 wrote: »
    ...if you ever feel you've been singled out you can always talk to a moderator :yes:
    Who will generally do bugger all about the situation, if my experiences of this are anything to go by.

    I very rarely give out advice on this site these days after coming to the conclusion that many members here are, pardon my French, ungrateful bastards. On countless occasions, I have tried to give out advice (not always the best, by my admission) and been personally attacked for it or told that my advice isn't welcome. Funnily enough, it's always the same wankers that keep telling me these things - so why waste my time?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just because they bully you, it doesn't mean they're always right. Nor does it mean everyone else is on their side...
  • JsTJsT Posts: 18,268 Skive's The Limit
    stargalaxy wrote: »
    Who will generally do bugger all about the situation, if my experiences of this are anything to go by.

    From someone who has too often been on the wrong side of the rules I think the moderators do a fantastic job in often difficult circumstances.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Drunken rant edit. Hehe.

    Sorry that post was a bit harsh, had a few too many and a bit of a row with someone so was venting by anger. lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really like you! Some people just dont like it when someone has a strong opinion on something, but i think your very mature, stick around!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tr4shed wrote: »
    The only people i've ever had problems with, had low post counts and have recently joined. Most of the people who are good, nice people have stayed on TheSite, and generally are really helpful people, who arn't Judgemental. The more time you spend on this website, the more amount of different things you read about, joining this website was the best thing i've ever done. It's really opened my mind about alot of things. I've got the best care and support here, and i can ask the most stupid things and get a helpful answer.

    Very true i agree :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you are welcome, and you shouldn't feel like you can't stick aroud because of what anyone might have written. Remember that the boards are only one part of thesite but obviously an important part to many who take part in the discussion. I know what you mean and where you are coming from though, and I have had other people mention this to me and I have mentioned it on occasion before.

    But as Jo said the best thing to do is if you feel someone is being unkind, report it to a moderator who may be able to deal with it. You need to remember that the people on here aren't professionals, they're average people and so have their failings too whether that's a lack of sympathy of whatever.

    Just take it easy, it would be a shame to see you go on such bad terms :(. I really recommend PMing Jo or Jim if something on here is upsetting you though.

    Take care. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really like you! Some people just dont like it when someone has a strong opinion on something, but i think your very mature, stick around!

    Although you did say about her in this particular thread that you would 'find it patronising to take advice from a 12 year old girl' :chin:

    I wouldn't find it patronising at all, I don't look at people's ages on here. If they offer good advice then I will listen!

    And crying-angle I know where you are coming from but you shouldn't fel that way. ometimes I want to post things on threads but know that I would probably get shot down by a few people on here just because of my opinion. Thats why I don't post that much tbh :no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is hard when your new but after a while but you realise who you can get on with and who you can't. There's some people I don't particularly like and I'm sure they don't like me, but there's not much you can do about it. So stick around :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is hard when your new but after a while but you realise who you can get on with and who you can't. There's some people I don't particularly like and I'm sure they don't like me, but there's not much you can do about it. So stick around :D

    :yes:

    Also, just bear in mind that sometimes people have 'off days'.

    I know if I am feeling happy, my posts may reflect that - but if I'm in a mood, my posts can be a little sarcastic, for example. Don't judge a poster until you get a good feel of what their general postings are like. I can safely say that there is no regular poster on this board that I don't like. I may disagree with many people (especially on the Politics & Debate board) and get into heated arguments, but it doesn't detract from the fact that I like them and respect them as individuals.

    So stay. And when I no doubt insult you in the future, just give back as good as you get! ;):p:) *hugs*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have read everyone's replies..... and I just want to say a H U G E thank you to all off you. As Teagan said, we all have off days. I just think that, despite the fact it's hard to, I just have to ignore them all. Okay so, I know who defiantly doesn't like me here, but I just can't be bothered to argue! I get into a lot of arguments and fights with in the "real" world, and this is just somewhere I want to go to escape, and share what I know on certain subjects. In know way am I perfect, especially not for how I've lived my life- and that is mainly my fault. But age, as many of you have said, shouldn't matter. Someone said once that my writing style makes me seem like a "middle aged man" and I sort of think that's why people get annoyed? Not because of my age, but for who I act for my age. Yea, teenagers (and pre-teens) do have a bad reputation. I do, in some respects, live up to that reputation. But it doesn't mean I can't be mature and give reasonably good advice :-p
    Crying-angel x x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The only argument I've seen about your posts is when you started insisting on sending PMs rather than posting the advice on the boards. It was fair comment- most people who use these boards for advice never sign up and therefore can't read your PMs- and it was given politely by two of the most respected posters on here. Learning to accept constructive criticism is a valuable life skill and throwing your toys out of the pram about it is really very self indulgent.

    Anyone who's prepared to come and give advice is welcome on these boards. So are those who just want to come and piss about, unless they're being abusive.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    The only argument I've seen about your posts is when you started insisting on sending PMs rather than posting the advice on the boards. It was fair comment- most people who use these boards for advice never sign up and therefore can't read your PMs- and it was given politely by two of the most respected posters on here. Learning to accept constructive criticism is a valuable life skill and throwing your toys out of the pram about it is really very self indulgent.

    Anyone who's prepared to come and give advice is welcome on these boards. So are those who just want to come and piss about, unless they're being abusive.

    To be quite honest, I don't care what you think.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be quite honest, I don't care what you think.

    Hmm. The thing is Kermit just gave you perfectly good advice there and you responded with attitude.

    People are more likely to like you if you don't mouth off at them. Just a thought.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The thing is I WAS TRYING TO BE NICE to someone who wanted help, sometimes 1-2-1 help is more useful than on the boards. This is because, as I'm sure you know, people wont butt in with their views. Okay yes, maybe this is a place to share things with every one. But in my mind, knowing that there is someone who will listen to you without having to tell the whole world, is a very useful thing to some people. Maybe not you, but to others it can be. Just accept that, and move on yeah?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be quite honest, I don't care what you think.

    :chin: :yeees:

    Not an appropriate response, IMO. Kermit was indeed fair with his comments.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Omg, okay, I am just going to drop the whole subject it's getting ridiculous. I am going to leave thesite, I can't be bothered with petty little arguments and I am needed elsewhere.
    Crying-angel x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Omg, okay, I am just going to drop the whole subject it's getting ridiculous. I am going to leave thesite, I can't be bothered with petty little arguments and I am needed elsewhere.
    Crying-angel x

    I think your response/attitude is a bit on the reactionary side. You're not having any arguments here - you're reacting to people's responses, as they are to you. It's called "discussion", which is what these boards are for.

    Take a deep breath and just take people's points on board. There is no reason to leave the board - you have to learn that there will be some people that will always disagree with you, whether it be advice you are giving, or your attitudes to people. This is one of the times that you are really showing your age, as you're dealing with this in exactly the manner I would usually expect a 12 year old to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be quite honest, I don't care what you think.

    See, you were doing really well up to that point.

    If that's the only thing you've got to say then don't post those comments. If you want to argue your case then go for it, but that's the kind of thing that means people will come down on you. If you're going to say you don't care what Kermit thinks, without discussing it further, then why should anyone care what you think?

    By all means think in your head that you don't give a damn about what Kermit says, but posting it is what causes problems.

    It's a good lesson for life too, and from what you mentioned earlier learning when to let things go and just say nothing is a useful life skill.

    Ronan had a good point when he sang 'you say it best, when you say nothing at all'. At times nothing is the best thing to say.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Omg, okay, I am just going to drop the whole subject it's getting ridiculous. I am going to leave thesite, I can't be bothered with petty little arguments and I am needed elsewhere.
    Crying-angel x

    Ok. NOW you're acting like a 12 year old! Noone was rude to you. Kermit says things as he sees them but it doesn't mean he is being rude or unfriendly. And he is usually right. He's a wise boy, is our Kermit.

    Seriously, stop and take a breath and reread his post. He offered his opinion but he didn't attack you in any way. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The two people who said to post advice on the boards, not on PMs, were Olive and GWST, both of whom are infinitely more wise and respected than I am. They were polite and gave very good reasons- namely that a) everyone gets to read your advice, b) it was a question about Microgynon 30 and posters can ask questions privately if they don't want it public, and c) keeping everything in PMs looks rather sinister on a public message board.

    This entire thread has been about you throwing your toys out of the pram and it's been very attention-seeking. If you don't like it here, leave. If you do like it here, stay. Either way, quit the whingeing. People aren't out to get you, but they soon will be if you keep mouthing off at them like you mouthed off at me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have to say, Kermit is right. I haven't been around much but as someone who joined this site when I was not much older than you are, your age has nothing to do with how you are treated. The attitude with which you responded to a fair and in no way rude post is the reason you perhaps feel unwelcome. If you react that way to a post like that, then it seems to me you are taking things far too personally when they are not meant that way and that yes, perhaps this site is therefore not the best place for you currently. The people here are not bad people, with the exception of a very few, but they will say what they think and they won't beat about the bush just to stop you being offended or upset. That is the whole point, they are objective.

    I haven't read the thread in question but from what Kermit said up there ^^ I think you have possibly overreacted. Giving advice over PMs is good, but one of the main points of this forum is for people who aren't members to be able to search for a question and find the answers without the need to sign up. The Private Message system is all well and good and perhaps ending your message with "if you need any more help, feel free to PM me" or something similar would have been more well received. Olive and GWST are very clever people, and even someone who hates everyone on here, like SG, would admit that. Neither of them have ever been rude or unkind, but as I said, they will say what they think.

    Now I'm gonna go and read the thread and see how right I am :p.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    1. Newbie starts thread because they don't feel welcome (for whatever reason)
    2. Some peeps and a mod say of course you're welcome
    3. Some more peeps come into thread about feeling unwelcome, and make them feel more unwelcome (wilfully or not)
    4. Newbie wants to leave

    Good going.
This discussion has been closed.