Borderline Personality Disorder

Former Member

I've recently started to see a psychologist back home in addition to the one I have at uni as it's becoming increasingly obvious that I need to have someone down here who I can turn to when I'm having an off day.

At the end of today's session, having asked me a string of questions, he said that he was trying to determine whether or not I had borderline personality disorder. He said that some of answers I gave him strongly indicated that I do and other answers he wasn't so sure. We are going to go into it in more depth at our next session next week but in the meantime he has asked me to do some research on the subject and see whether I think I match the listed symptoms.

Has anyone ever had to do this or does anyone on here have the condition? I had a look at the health and wellbeing section on here but there didn't seem to be much info.

Now I just feel even more confused and out of sync with the world than I did before

Former Member

I do have this myself, I got diagnosed a few years ago, with several other mental health problems too. Just do any reasearch online in google and you'll find information on it. Be warned though, it can be seen as the disorder of 'attention seekers' and often it is viewed by professionals as untreatable. But there is therapy out there for it, and symptoms can improve.

Former Member

Thank you

My psychologist said there was a lot of stigma about the condition but he told me that the mental health hospital near my parents house has a specialist team who deal with BPD and if we both agreed this was the right thing, then he'd refer me to them.

Former Member

I'm a fully paid-up borderline.

The condition is characterised by the fear of rejection or perceived rejection and a lack of stable perception of themselves and others. Borderlines tend to see things in very black-and-white terms- things are either brilliant and wonderful or totally hopeless and shit. That includes relationships with themselves and relationships with others. Borderlines will also panic if there's a perceived threat of rejection or failure, no matter how small, and are prone to impulsive behaviour and self harming.

It normally stems from early childhood experiences, sometimes sexual abuse but often not. It seems to stem from a lack of consistent affection in early childhood, so the borderline learns to react to the affection when it does come. If the main carer/parent was depressed it can bring out borderline in their children.

BPD is a controversial diagnosis, especially in women, because promiscuity is one of the markers. Needless to say, promiscuity is more readily seen in women than men. It's also got a bit of stigma attached, as many health workers see BPD as almost untreatable, and borderlines can also be pretty difficult to deal with.

It is treatable with time and therapy. It's taken me years, but I now understand how my brain works and I understand when my perceptions are wrong. I can work around my occasional outbursts of paranoia and I'm holding down a reasonably good job.

There are quite a few borderlines on here, of differing severity. If you've got any questions, just shout.

Former Member

Hey Marina Aniseed,

Seems like the session with your psychologist has left you with lots of questions. You have been given some great advice on your thread. The only thing to add at this stage is a link to the NICE Guidelines booklet on Borderline Personality Disorders, you may find it useful? (It's in PDF)

Take care and let us know how you get on -

Former Member

Thanks Kermit.

Just from looking at what you've said and what my psych told me, there's a lot there which really sums me up to a T. I'm sure if I go back through my posts on here and through my blogs I can even pinpoint the moments when I've been like that.

I tend to have really intense relationships with everyone, be they lovers or friends or colleagues and then literally it will often take the tiniest thing and I'm not talking to them again. That is until I cool down and decide I miss them and then I'm back joined to them at the hip. Does this make sense?

I'm also terribly impulsive. If I decide I want something I just go off and do it and worry about the condequences later. If I look at my suicide attempts and my history of self-harm, I don't think any of it was pre-meditated. They were spur of the moment things based on circumstance (and normally circumstances involving rejection or failure. Or at least what I perceive to be those things.)

Edit: Thanks Harry! I'll have a look at that.
I hope this makes some sense. Obviously I need to think on it before my appointment, but I think this might be a route to explore. Thanks

Former Member

It's an interesting thing to explore, but then I love talking about myself to anyone who'll listen.

It was strange when the consultant gave me the manual, it was basically me but written down. It described so much about life and it was nice to know that what was wrong had a name. It helped me understand what was wrong with me and what to do about it.

Just be careful not to think that you're only borderline and can't be fixed, or that it's something to hide behind. It can explain what's wrong, but it's not a label.

Sounds like you've got a good psych though.

Former Member

It's just nice to know what it is that's always made me feel slightly out of sync with the world. I'm trying to be aware of how I react to people. Today there was an incident where due to the crappy East Anglian signal, some messages got lost and someone ended up having a go at me. Instead of going off on one of my 'right, that's it, you've had a go at me for something I didn't do, I don't like you' moments, I made a conscious effort to try to give a calm explanation of what had happened. I know it's such a silly thing, but it did make me feel like I'd made a small step forwards

Former Member

Yep, I've spent time understanding what triggers I have. It now means I can tell myself to stop being silly when I do get paranoid and think I've failed or been rejected or whatever. Doesn't always work, but it helps to understand how things work in my mind.

I found having a label for my fucked-up-ness helped me come to terms and learn to live with it. It doesn't do that for everyone though.

Former Member

Ok, just had my final session with my psych down here. We went through the criteria a bit more in depth and for the 9 criteria (criterion?) you had to score a 3 on at least 5 of them to be classified as having the disorder. I got a 3 on 6 of them a middling score on 2 and zilch on another.

So, the outcome is, I am but I have it fairly mildly on the overall scale of things. He's writing a report, of which I, my GP and my psych in Norwich will get a copy. He's going to get in touch with my psych in Norwich to see if she can work things out with me and refer me to someone up there rather than me being referred to a team down here and having to travel home every other week.

What he said made so much sense to me and it's helped me understand why I've done the things I have in certain situations which made no sense before. And he's done a little doodle on a piece of paper to help me explain what's going on to other people.

Cleared the air with a friend today as well, so overall feeling a lot better

Former Member

Heya.
Ive got BPD. Im being treated with 600mg of Quetiapine each night. I can feel myself going in a downward spiral again but i find that some of the services just ain't there. I moved back to university 2/3 weeks ago after i was discharged from hospital in my home town. I have not yet been referred to a mental health team at my university address. So im left to have my bad moments on my own which are getting difficult to cope with. I just hope that they refer me soon so that ive got a number that i can ring in case i am having a bad day. How do you cope with the mood swings??? Ive got bulimia as well and also restrict and it can get difficult to know whether it is my ed, bpd or me that is thinking stuff???
I do know that i find it difficult to tell people that ive got BPD as there is such a stigma associated with it.
How do you overcome this??? I find myself having to explain everything.....like i HAVE to....like prove myself that im not crazy...its silly i shouldn't have to do that.....should/nt i???
xx

Former Member

I don't know how to cope with it, because I mostly don't.

But what I wanted to say is most often areas will have an out of hours helpline for users of mental health services. Your GP should be able to give you this, or you could have a look online for it. You can also try the samaritans if you just need a listening ear. The other thing to try would be any charities in your area that run support groups for those with mental health problems.

Sometimes (as I'm sure you're aware) there are long waits for a few reasons. One being the GP taking ages over the referal, make sure you get on their case and follow it up. From personal experience I know that things get 'lost' in the system and for that and a few other reasons I've not got therapy yet even though I've been in the system for 2 1/2yrs and they've said I needed it from the start. Some areas are loads better at this though.

Former Member

Thanks for your reply. That is really helpful to know that i ain't the only one experiencing the awkward mental health services. Considering that i am apparently a bad case - still no help but ive changed my gp and apparently they are better than the other ones - so fingers crossed xxx

Former Member

Hey, seeing as this thread has resurfaced, I thought I'd chip in too.

Ok, so my psych in Norwich doesn't think I am borderline and it turns out my Doctor (without me knowing btw) has sodded off to Edinburgh and nobody knows what they're meant to be doing with me, so all my hospital referrals are buggered up and nobody knows what they're doing with my meds and it's all a massive mess.

I try to deal with things as best I can and when I feel myself being irrational I try to just take a moment to breathe and rationalise things which can be tricky at times especially as it's often triggered by my boyfriend and he thinks he's not good enough because he annoys me but it's not his fault most of the time, it's where I've perceived something that wasn't actually there then gotten the hump before rationalising it, if that makes any sense?