porn addiction

Former Member

Hi everyone,

I have been looking for a good site to help me with a problem and I think I've found a good one so here it is:
Last January my girlfriend fell pregnant with my now 9 month old son who I adore with all my heart and as a result our sex life kinda diminished. At first she didn't want sex but as time went by she got past it and fealt she could do it again, however, as her baby bump got bigger I found it hard to do it. I didn't find her unattractive in any way, it just fealt wrong. Due to our lack of sex she had a very difficult birth and our baby was born lifeless because of... how can I put this? she wasn't big enough down there and he got stuck for 3 hours. Luckily he kick started into action just before the doctors were gonna try and help him. Since then though we haven't had sex. I understand to the best of my knowledge that it takes time for women to want to have sex again after having a baby but I can't help thinking in some ways she blames me for what nearlly happenned.
After her maternity leave she decided she didn't want to give up her job so I became the house-wife (lol). I love being at home with the baby but he sleeps most of the morning, which is when my girlfriend works as she's home by 2:00pm every day, and after I've done all the house work I still have plenty of time on my hands. If the baby is awake then there's no problems as he can keep me occupied, but this is a rare thing so most days I end up finding myself looking on all kinds of porn sites. I try not to do it but I get so bored and can't think of anything else to do. I can't really take up a hobby as I have the baby to look after and we don't really have the money to spend on the things I enjoy doing at home such as model building and remote control vehicles. I just need something to occupy my time that doesn't cost anything/much that I can do at home.
I have spoken to my girlfriend about it and she says she doesn't mind. We are more in love than ever now we have a family of our own but there is no sex in our relationship and all men have needs. We have our ninth anniversary coming up so any ideas about how I can jump start our love life again on that day would be great too. I thought about a romantic meal and some sexy lingerie but I just can't afford it. (Thank god she aint a gold digger, she'd have ran a long time ago). We take walks in the park or spend the day by the lake but it's not romantic when you have a baby with you. We are still very touchy-feely with each other but that's as far as it gets.
I love her and would never cheat on her but I can't help myself when it comes to porn. Please help me as I don't want to ruin what we could have when she decides she's ready for sex again. I don't want to let her down if I'm already satisfied with the porn and can't please her when the time comes.
Sorry for the long story, but I don't know what else to do. Thanx everyone.

Former Member

Maybe you should get someone to watch the baby for a night and just have a night in alone. Cook her something nice, watch a film, have a chat and see where it will lead. At least you would be spending some quality time together without the baby around.

Former Member

yeah, i thought of that but the only way we could do it is to hire a babysitter as my mum is kinda untrustworthy as she's feeling a little suicidal from my dad dieing and my girlfriends mum is knocking on deaths door with cancer. actually, now i come to think of it, she could have that on her mind as well. anyway, i don't think i'd feel comfortable leaving him with a stranger.
i'm grateful for your advice though, thanx

Former Member

dont you have any friends that would watch him?

Former Member

not really, I'm not that much of a social person and we only moved here a little while ago so i don't really know the neighbours. she might be able to get one of her friends to have him for a night though. I'll have to ask her who she knows. that's an idea that's strangely passed me by, thanx very much :chin:

Former Member

Probably a stupid suggestion.. but why don't you get an xbox or something like that to keep you occupied while the baby is asleep?

ETA: Sorry mate, just re-read and realised you said you didn't have much money.

Former Member

I agree with Aspire. There's many things you can do in the flat/house when the baby is sleeping. Learn a new language, doing some sort of at home learning, playing video games.

Former Member

lea_uk wrote: »

I agree with Aspire. There's many things you can do in the flat/house when the baby is sleeping. Learn a new language, doing some sort of at home learning, playing video games.

Adding to that you could read, or take the little one out for a walk in his pram. Aren't there free classes organised for little babies that you can find out about? Take him swimming or something.

Former Member

Suggestion

@roach1569: Do you like to read? There is a great book out titled, "Love and Pornography" written by Victoria Prater and Garry Prater, a couple who also over came the obstacle of pornography addiction. The book shares the communication techniques they used to help rebuild their relationship and to overcome this obstacle. Great book!

http://gethelpwithporn.com/our-book/

Former Member

Thanks guys, some really good ideas there. I'll definately look into that book or any other that'll help me, thanx bookluver.
going for a walk would be quite fun as well, we could feed the ducks or something, weather permitting of course.
thanx again guys, for the help and for not laughing at me

Former Member

If you cant get a babysitter then why dont you surprise her from work and make a really nice picniq and spend a great time out somewhere romantic!

For the porn thing I understand you have needs and thats good that your missus doesnt mind you watching it, thats good that you talked that through. As for hobbies... thats tough if you dont have the money and a baby to look after, are there any coffee mornings you could go to or playcenters for the baby to go to whilst you could meet other parents. This would help develop your social skills too!

Or maybe in your spare time you could make her a really nice scrap book full of photos and memories.... for example photos of when you first met, your first kiss, family life etc... that would give you something to do and I am sure your partner would love it!

After having a baby it can take time for a woman to want to have sex again so just be patient. When she is ready she will be ready... she sounds like she has a lot on her mind with her parent situation so that could be a problem in the back of her mind. Just be caring like you are doing and give it time.

Another thing I'd suggest is to give her a massarge and do a romantic night in!

Former Member

Your welcome. Good luck to you.