being more confident

Former Member

I think I have finally worked out why I'm so bad at handjobs and blowjobs. It's down to a lack of confidence in my abilities, and seeing as the worse I am, the more likely my bf is to tell me to just stop cause I don't seem into it, so it reinforces me to think I'm going to bad, it's one of those vicious cycle type deals. So I need to either be more confident about it, or find a good way to fake it, I know last time I had loads of guys saying how handjobs aren't that big a deal but my bf is quite taken by them, so I think I need to get confident about it sharpish, can anyone help me out cause I do want to do this for him, but my self doubts are killing our sex life

Former Member

Seems like your boyfriend could be a bit more supportive. If part of the problem is you doubting your abilities, i think the one person who can help you get over them is him. Get him to tell you what feels good for him, and when your doing things right, rather than just focusing on when he doesnt like it.

Former Member

I feel much more confident in doing things when I've had a bit to drink

Former Member

Sounds like he should be more supportive. Talk to him and ask him what he likes and what he doesnt so you will know especially what to do & get him to tell you when hes happy with what your doing. Or just tell him how you feel about it, how you feel your not doing any good and you dont feel confident. Sorry if that makes no sence!

Former Member

Has he actually told you he doesn't like it? You might be worrying about nothing! It's best to speak to him, ask him how he prefers it. You could get him to give himself a handjob with your hand, to show you how he likes it. Or do what you think and ask him if he likes it or if he wants you to go faster/slower etc etc, that is the best way you will find out what works for him.

Former Member

It's really not that hard. It's like saying I need to train to shake that cocktail shaker better. You just do it, because there is really no secret to it. If you come over as bored and "omg, how much longer do I need to shove his foreskin up and down?" he won't be enjoying it, because it seems as if it was a hassle to you.

I really don't see the problem. If you want to do it, you should be into it and it should be recognizeable that you are trying to give him a good time.

Former Member

Im hardly sitting there being a dick about it, i dont think i'm coming across as bored but he always says i dont seem into it, so just tells me to stop

I have tried getting him to show me what he likes, but i just dont seem to be able to put it into practise myself which is why i think the issue is one of me just needing the confidence to maybe be a bit more sexy about it, because i've had very little experience with HJ's and its very easy as a girl i think to just feel like your rubbish, even when there isn't really an issue with technique, its just you dont appear into it (in my case) out of shyness and inexperience

Former Member

It could be he has an expectation of what a good blowjob is; previous partner/porn etc. You're not confident in your abilities and your boyfriend is not communicating what's good. It's no wonder nothings happening.

Seek out a porn site and watch a few videos. Alternatively read up on techniques for blowjobs. There's plenty of advice about on how to do it and really blow him away.

If I could give any tips it would be:

• Enjoy it. This is foreplay and you're meant to love it. Otherwise don't bother.
• Look at him and either smirk or wink at him.
• Focus on the underside of the tip of the helmet. It's very sensitive.
• Stroke the underside of his balls while you're doing it.
• Go deep once in a while.
• It's not a race. Go slowly too. It's awesome.

That's just off the top of my head (excuse pun). He really should be talking to you though as this is the only way of becoming better lovers and to make it worse just when you think you've got the hang of it, another guy will prefer something else. The main thing to remember is there's not a specific way to do it, it's about how you connect as lovers and each couple are unique so play, experiment and have fun.