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So confused, any advice please
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Before I tell you what the issue is, I'll give you a brief history. Im 24, I was in a relationship for about 6 years before getting married recently. My ex wife loved me very much and I never once doubted it. Unfortunately, a few problems popped up straight after the marriage which is why it only lasted less than a year.
Now heres the problem. I've been with my girlfriend for about 7 months now; first person I've met since my split. I show her a lot of attention, I think (but make sure not to smother her), romantic, we have a laugh. On the outside, to everyone else they think we're perfect. But I just feel like it's me making most of the effort.
If we're in the car driving, sitting down on the sofa or laying in bed together, I might hold her hand or snuggle up to her just for affection, nothing more, and she'll leave me hanging. I've lost count of the times I've got nothing back, not even put her hand on top of mine.
Then the sex issue! I can't honestly remember her ever initiating sex apart from the first month or two when we got together and then it was only her starting with a kiss and me moving on. It's always me to get her going, even then it's not always until I'VE finished foreplay. I highlight "I've" because I never get foreplay. Sometimes we can have sex twice in one day, then its every day for 3 or 4 days max and sometimes we dont have sex for 4 days. She lives at home with her parents, which is absolutely fine. They know we have sex and they're out most of the day time. Sometimes we go to sleep naked together and wake up with an empty house but she jumps out of bed and gets dressed and does whatever.
I know some of you may read this and think, well she lives with her parents so thats why. I'm not disrespectful and we don't do it when they're around. I just mean all other occasions when we have the chance.
I feel like an accessory for her. She tells me she loves me but I don't feel it.
Another question, is it all girls or maybe just mine. When she does get affectionate, its always in the evening. Never during the day.
If theres any questions, please ask. I would really appreciate any advice/pointers. Cheers
Now heres the problem. I've been with my girlfriend for about 7 months now; first person I've met since my split. I show her a lot of attention, I think (but make sure not to smother her), romantic, we have a laugh. On the outside, to everyone else they think we're perfect. But I just feel like it's me making most of the effort.
If we're in the car driving, sitting down on the sofa or laying in bed together, I might hold her hand or snuggle up to her just for affection, nothing more, and she'll leave me hanging. I've lost count of the times I've got nothing back, not even put her hand on top of mine.
Then the sex issue! I can't honestly remember her ever initiating sex apart from the first month or two when we got together and then it was only her starting with a kiss and me moving on. It's always me to get her going, even then it's not always until I'VE finished foreplay. I highlight "I've" because I never get foreplay. Sometimes we can have sex twice in one day, then its every day for 3 or 4 days max and sometimes we dont have sex for 4 days. She lives at home with her parents, which is absolutely fine. They know we have sex and they're out most of the day time. Sometimes we go to sleep naked together and wake up with an empty house but she jumps out of bed and gets dressed and does whatever.
I know some of you may read this and think, well she lives with her parents so thats why. I'm not disrespectful and we don't do it when they're around. I just mean all other occasions when we have the chance.
I feel like an accessory for her. She tells me she loves me but I don't feel it.
Another question, is it all girls or maybe just mine. When she does get affectionate, its always in the evening. Never during the day.
If theres any questions, please ask. I would really appreciate any advice/pointers. Cheers
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Comments
Did you talk about it with her?
Some people might be that shy that they won't show you any affection even if they are full of emotion. But you should be able to tell if she's shy from her behaviour. Moreover, you said it was a bit different in the beginning.
But I can really understand what you mean. I would go nuts from such a behaviour. Everybody seeks for attention in a relationship.
We had words today and she assures me she loves me and that I have nothing to worry about. We have spoken about it before and she said she doesn't want to spend our whole time together in bed. Just sounded like another excuse. She just needs to show me some affection/attention and we'll be ok. If it carries on then I'm gonna have to call it a day. It gets me down every time.
Yeah, that's the best way. You should be hones about it with her. Tell her kindly how you feel and that you need a bit more of affection towards you. If she's in love with you she'll understand it and notice the difference in the amount of attention you give each other.
But even then, I think it'll take some time befor she begins to act as she used to. She might have the feeling that as you're a bit longer in the relationship you don't need that kind of stuff. If it's the case, you should assure her, that it's not true.
Well, I don't know if I'm being any helpful but, yeah, try to sit her and talk it through with her. It'll be okay.