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Feel like everythings getting on top of me

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I just feel really lost and confused at the moment,I dont know what I want or where to go or turn.
Everything just seems to be a mess that keeps spinning round my head.
My work,my relationship,my future,my past.

My job is a complete dead end for me,Ive been labelled as lazy and a mess about even though I do my work and get my jobs done.So now no other section will give me any kind of chance to move at all and Im so bored with my job its unbelievable.
Its such an effort to turn up each day because I know Im wasting my life completely there and I want adventures,excitement and stories to tell out of life.
Im always stressing about whether Im getting enough sleep to be able to function the next day too because Im on earlies but dont want to go back to working later because its so goddam boring there.
Ive applied for an apprenticeship and am still waiting for them to get back to me.I have thought about joining the RAF or Army too.

Then theres my relationship.Im really confused about my gf and how I honestly feel about her.
She used to sleep around with a fair few boys,shes been with a lot more people than me and it makes me feel uncomfortable.
I dont know why it just does.
The thought of how she used to be and the pictures on her profile and the stories she told me.Everytime I think about it it makes me feel......this weird feeling in my gut,kind of like "whats the point".
Im thinking because shes been with more people than me I have something to prove as I never really made the most of my single days and didnt try to get with more girls because of various issues I had about myself.
I feel Ive missed out,while she has loads of stories of things shes done and places I have nothing and want those adventures and stories.
Im massively confused about her because on the one hand I do love her but on the other I wish I could go out and do all the stuff shes done so I have had that part of life,I dont know its like I feel lesser,not as good because Ive been left out of something again.

She also has a one year old kid too.Now the kids lovely and I got no problem with him whatsoever but sometimes Im sitting here thinking "can I really handle this?A kid?"

Im only 21 but I kind of feel like my life is over already,I feel trapped everywhere like theres no way out and it will never get better.
Its like this huge weight slowly pushing down on me and I just want everything to disappear and I can run away from everyone and everything.
I want to be able to say I lived my life more but right now I feel completely in a rut.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there Dark X:wave:

    Sounds like things are really getting you down right now and there's a lot to think about.

    Are there any people you can talk to? Talking about it here is a great start. You might also want to try a trusted friend or relative or a counsellor? Sometimes having someone else to share problems with can help you see choices you didn't know you had, have you tried out the samaritans?

    When everything seems to be going wrong it can be very stressful. There are some great stressbusting tips on the site to check out which will give you some great ideas to help you relax and sleep.

    Is there anything you can do to find out about the apprenticeship or someone you could talk to at work? Maybe someone to help motivate you to find out more about the RAF?

    Take care and keep posting to let us know how you're getting on:thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thats pretty tough, life really is tough a lot of the time and I really understand how you feel, when things get on top of you its difficult to know where to turn or who will understand what you are going through its important to know there is always people who have been what you have been through and can help, everybody feels bad sometimes, life is hard, I think cat_treats gave you some pretty good options there for help and advice, but do let us know how you get on :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    life is what you make it...if you want to adventures and stories then you have to go and get them. no one is stopping you but yourself, yes you have a partner with a kid but you could still have the adventures and fun.

    what sort of things do you want to do with your life??

    and as for the job although you find it very boring and a struggeling to get into work which i know is the worse feeling in the world but at the moment with the way things are going in the country and people losing there jobs, count your self lucky you have one because some people would kill to have a boring job.

    remeber one thing..nothing is for ever like this job once the resetion is over you can go out there and find a job you love!.

    as for the relationship it sounds more like you are a little bit jelouse of your girlfriend for having this "past" so instead of worrying about the stories she can tell and you carnt why not make storied you both can tell..have picnics, go on walks, have parties, go out for meals, etc.

    i hope you sort it all out

    keep posting

    and sorry if my post sounded harch it wasnt meant to.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah,Im really trying to figure out what I want in life,I just got no idea.
    Im always thinking about the forces but not sure if I want to spend that much time away from home and also the danger side of it.
    Still waiting for my apprenticeship to hopefully phone me back too.
    Just want a job where Im happy and enjoy it for once.

    As for my relationship,yeah I`ll agree Im a bit jealous of her.
    I always wanted to go out and pull loads of girls and have all the fun times and the stupid funny sex stories.
    But because of the way I saw (and still see) myself I didnt think there was no point cos no-one would want me.
    Im also jealous of how easy she found it whereas I found it really hard to go and chat up a girl I was interested in in a club.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Dark X

    What is it about the forces that attracts you? Which job in the forces do you want to do and would enjoy? If it's the danger you are unsure about then perhaps you could do a similar job, but in the community - not the Forces? Is it one apprenticeship you have applied for? If so, how would you feel about applying for several apprenticeships - widen your options?

    It sound's like you my need to work on your self-esteem, and as has already been suggested - you may want to try a talking therapy, to try to get to the root of those feelings. You may also want to check out our building self-esteem page?

    Your girlfriend obviously wants you, she is with you. Because you haven't pulled lots of girls in the past might be one of the reasons she's with you?

    You may want to try posting on the relationships messaging board and the work messaging board to get some in-depth, focussed advice on those 2 areas of your life?

    You may find that if you spend a little time concentrating on yourself and getting some support with the things that go through your mind, then you will be stronger and more prepared for whatever it is you choose to do with your life.

    Take care and good luck, do keep posting -

    :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know she wants to be with me,more than any other girl Ive been with and more than any other guy shes been with.
    I dont know,its just her past makes me a bit uncomfortable,maybe its a trust issue.
    She used to be like that so why is she gonna stop for me?What difference do I make?
    I just feel left out for some reason for not sleeping around more,Ive always felt like a fifth wheel with people so now its like her and others have done all these things and Im left out again.

    Ive aplied for a few apprenticeships but I want to go into mechanics or plumbing so Im waiting for one of those.
    As for the forces,Im not sure what interests me really,I dont think Id ever go for it anyway.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One other thing is that Ive never felt attractive,interesting or wanted by women.
    Ive never felt I was good enough or that anyone would be interested in me,so I guess wanting to sleep around was/is a feeling of a way to disprove that to myself and hearing everyone else do it while I still feel I cant makes me feel worse about myself.
    Stupid isnt it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it does seem like there is a trust issue here, i was the same with my last girlfriend she had a few "stories" and it made me jealous, my advice would be to sit and talk to her about it and explain how you feel because if you let it eat away at you theres a possibility it could ruin your relationship with your partner as it did to me
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she had a few "stories" and it made me jealous,

    I think this is the main issue for me.I hate her talking about what shes done with other guys,it makes me uncomfortable.
    From one angle it from me not having any stories or as much experience and the other her supposed to be my gf and into me,why talk about other guys?I have told her Im not interested in her past and we should leave hers and mine in the past where it belongs.
    Sometimes I feel like saying "if you love talking about your exes so much just go back to them and fuck off" thats how it makes me feel.:mad: Its like I feel whats the point of me being around sometimes.

    I also dont feel equal,like shes been with more people than me so I have to get my numbers up so we can be on equal terms if that makes sense.

    As for my job,well,its still same old shite but I cant change anything to do with that apart from put up with it really.
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