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hey, im new. its long, so sorry, but its my story

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
so i dont know what you say on here. but i guess i want to be able to talk to ppl who can maybe relate some of the things im goin thru. first off, i got back with my ex who had been on and off the last five years [every breakup seems to crush me more, hes always txtin other girls and stuff behind my back] everybreak up has hurt me more, about 2 yrs into it i thot mayb there was sumthin wrong with me since he constantly went after girls who were skinnier and shorter, so i developed a bad eating disorder. that only made our relationship worse..

neways by the fifth year the eating disorder turned into a heavy drug addiction. the eating disorder helped me feel in control, but the drugs made it where i just didnt care. and plus i hated going thru what i went thru daily with issues with my appearance and the drugs i chose helped me stay skinny..

so back to where i started, i got back with him, slowly laid off the drugs, since now i have a whole new group of friends and hes the only sober thing i know.

i put everything into it, everything was goin fine. then i saw that he had been talking to a nother girl. it broke my heart. for the last time i cannot handle it. my drug addiction is getting out of hand, but im having a hard time staying sober, cuz it means not being around my friends, who are all wonderful, and have been there with me thru thick and thin. my ex and i were broke up almost a full year this last time before i got back with him, but slowing down on drugs means i want to fill that void with sumthin comforting, and he was it.

now im heartbroken, he says he just doesnt want me cuz he wants to date other girls to make sure im the one. im the only girl hes ever slept with , so i can understand that, but i dont know why he didnt think about that before.

now im heartbroken, depressed, and have started using drugs more frequently. i hate being alone, its all that sort of temporarily eases my pain...and keeps my eating disorder from returning.

sorry so long, but thats my story. im 21 im a female if you couldnt tell. and im having a hard time. just looking for new friends to relate to. thanks for reading this if you did, i know its boring, but i had to let it out sumwhere.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi :wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Honey, you said "but slowing down on drugs means i want to fill that void with sumthin comforting, and he was it." I know you are very attached to him. It seems like you really do love him. And it also seems like he's helped you a LOT, even though he's also hurt you a lot. How much in touch are you with your friends? Have you stopped talking to them as much as before? What are they doing now? Go talk to them, get their love and support.

    Sweetie, get yourself involved in things you like to do. The drugs may make you feel like you don't care, or that nothing matters, but you know it does. You need comfort, and you want love. I don't know whether you're in college, or what you do for a living, but you should get yourself involved in things. Things like reading or music or writing or science or ANYTHING that interests you. Things with people, comforting, strong, supporting people. You WILL find comfort, you WILL get love. I promise.

    I quickly registered on this site because I read your story and I wanted to post a reply. I'm just a stranger who doesn't really know or understand what it's like, going through what you're going through, but I do want to help. Even if just a little bit.

    EVERYTHING will be fine. *hugs* I will promise that to you. Have faith in yourself.

    And by the way, you don't ever have to apologize for telling your story. It's yours to do whatever you want with it. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind, and those that mind, don't matter." -- Theodore Suess Geisel.

    I love you (even though I don't know you). Take care, hon. ^^
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yo are using the relationship as an excuse to hide behind the fact yo dont luv yourself. Being with someone who treats you bad just reconfirms to yo that yo were right to hate yoself in the first place, yo have the problem not the Boyfriend, till yo start luving you you will always be a victim of your own creation.
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