Home Health & Wellbeing
Come and join our Support Circle, every Tuesday, 8 - 9:30pm! Limited spaces available! Sign up here
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Depression/ Self Harm/ Suicide

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been off work for just over 2 months now with depression. It all started with a panic attack just after Easter and has escalated. I'm not sure exactly what happened. I was having problems at work, and my family was going through a tough time (although none of the family stuff directly affected me), plus I was just generally feeling crap.

I feel like I have been down since before Christmas, but a part of me suspects I have felt down for much longer than that. I am 22 now and when I was still at school my parents asked my GP to refer me for counselling. This was after years of bullying at secondary school. I do sometimes wonder if I ever 'got over it'.

I just can't seem to pin point anything, it just feels like I am unable to be happy. I feel a burst of 'happiness' when I see my nieces or if something funny happens but that is just it. It's just a burst. For the most part I am just empty. It's like nothing is there.

I also self harm. I burn myself, it gives me a sense of control, it also has a calming affect on me as well. I keep telling myself I could stop, but I don't. I enjoy looking at the scars, feels like I can't do anything right but I can do that right. It seems like a compromise almost, I'm told suicide is not the answer so burning myself is a compromise. I've realised I've had a self destructing personality for years now. Even at school I would dig my fingernails into my arm on a regular basis, I also picked at my skin for years, I have loads scars on my legs. I still do it now sometimes but not to the extent I used to.

My family is insisting I have 24 hour supervision as I admitted to feeling suicidal and almost walked out in front of a car. This restriction has just raised my stress levels through the roof and the urge to self destruct is sometimes unbearable. I just want to be left alone. Why won't they leave me alone?

I don't even know why I am writing this. I used to find writing would help. Now it just feels like a pointless exercise. I'm starting to wonder what the point is. I can't even get help from my GP, I just seem to be put on waiting list after waiting list. My family don't trust me, the local health service couldn't give a shit. Is there even a point?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there whoknows87, welcome to boards :wave:

    Reading your post it seems like you have been through such alot over the years. It's great that you have come thesite and had the courage to post.

    It can be frustrating waiting for treatment, have you been referred for counselling? also are you receiving any treatment from your GP at the moment?

    You say that you just want to be left alone and that your family are supervising you, have you told them how you feel or would you feel able to ask them for a little space? I'm sure they really care about you to be doing what they are but they may not understand how its making you feel.

    Please keep posting and take a look around thesite theres so much useful information here and a great bunch of people :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am currently on a waiting list for professional help. I have been for almost a month now.

    All the support I have right now are from friends and family and medication.

    I fear if I told my family and friends to leave me alone they'd all force to me to live back home with my parents.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I totally know how u feel. I have been through the same sort of shit for the past nine years and it is so difficult. It is hard to think everything will get better because all you have in your head is 'life is pointless' I get it because i have that every day I wake up and now I wake up thinking 'wow I'm actually still here'. Try and go to an organisation to get counselling. Maybe look up on the internet local counsellors and hopefully you will be able to find one. My GP wasn't able to give me counselling either and the waiting list is years hwich is no good. As I say try and look locally to you and I hope things get a little easier for you. Char xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Unfortunatly waiting lists are huge for therapy of all sorts. I'd been on one waiting list for about 2years before getting an appointment, and then couldn't take it up because I had to move away. I had other support luckily but it still doesn't make it right.

    There are other ways of getting counselling though. There are charities out there such as samaritans who offer counselling over the phone and I'm pretty sure face to face too in one of their centres. Sometimes there are local charities or support groups around too. Do some research online and see if you can find anything.

    If things get really bad and you are actively suicidal, then you need to talk to your GP about this, a hospital stay or visits from the local crisis team can be arranged immediatly. If you cannot see your GP right away you can also go to A+E if you are in crisis.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm going to be practical about what options you have as I don't think you can be reasoned out of depression. I don't think anyone can.

    It can take several months for mental health support to be put in place, even in the most severe cases. It took me nine months to get from first contact with my GP to beginning therapy. I was very lucky, I had a consultant who bumped me right to the very top of the NHS waiting list because of how severe my depression was.

    If you feel that you need more support than you are receiving, you need to tell them. They aren't mind readers and unless you tell them how bad everything is they won't. You have to tell people to get any help, I know I did. Being shy won't give you the support you need, and it's not because the GP and mental health workers 'don't give a shit'.

    I would suggest that you ask for more time, but be prepared to negotiate. Although you feel like you want to be alone, being alone is quite often the absolute worst thing if you're suffering from severe mental distress. It leaves you looking inside too much, when you really need to be distracting yourself as much as possible.
Sign In or Register to comment.