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His Ego Is Big Enough To Duck...but He's Not Man Enough To Say It's Over
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I dated someone for eight years, who tracked me down while my marriage was erroding and asked me to be a part of his life.
On Memorial Day weekend, after 8 years, he decided he had enough of our relationship but chose not to tell me. He was on vacation from work and I noticed that his car was in the driveway (and I know that he always takes vacation at the same time every year). I didn't call and bother him because apparently he didn't want to be around me.
We grew up and still live in our hometown and he went out to dinner during the week with our mutual best friend, who he did tell that he was on vacation. When he saw my car driving down the street (while in my friends car) he ducked under the dashboard and told my friend that he didn't want me to know that he was on vacation.
I called him the next morning and told him that it was over for me....because after eight years...he could have been man enough to let me know to my face and not through someone else.
He ran through the basic man's nonsense...that I was creating a scenario and blowing his actions out of proportion...but his actions were very clear and why would you want to be bothered with someone who does this type of thing.
We've spoken since then only to exchange keys and belongings. I'm out of work and he called on the phone one day to read through a listing of government jobs...I guess he called himself being helpful. Why the hell should he care if he's ducking from me?
He's a local business man and I've avoided attending family events at his business because he will never duck from me again.
I've thought about doing some ugly things to him (and myself because I've been depressed for over a year and had enough pain to spare before he decided to be nice)...but he's not worth the effort or energy....
Comments or suggestions would be appreciated.
On Memorial Day weekend, after 8 years, he decided he had enough of our relationship but chose not to tell me. He was on vacation from work and I noticed that his car was in the driveway (and I know that he always takes vacation at the same time every year). I didn't call and bother him because apparently he didn't want to be around me.
We grew up and still live in our hometown and he went out to dinner during the week with our mutual best friend, who he did tell that he was on vacation. When he saw my car driving down the street (while in my friends car) he ducked under the dashboard and told my friend that he didn't want me to know that he was on vacation.
I called him the next morning and told him that it was over for me....because after eight years...he could have been man enough to let me know to my face and not through someone else.
He ran through the basic man's nonsense...that I was creating a scenario and blowing his actions out of proportion...but his actions were very clear and why would you want to be bothered with someone who does this type of thing.
We've spoken since then only to exchange keys and belongings. I'm out of work and he called on the phone one day to read through a listing of government jobs...I guess he called himself being helpful. Why the hell should he care if he's ducking from me?
He's a local business man and I've avoided attending family events at his business because he will never duck from me again.
I've thought about doing some ugly things to him (and myself because I've been depressed for over a year and had enough pain to spare before he decided to be nice)...but he's not worth the effort or energy....
Comments or suggestions would be appreciated.
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Comments
Also, you replied to your own post?
Also, as for doing "some ugly things to him", it is never ever worth it, it will just cause you more pain and trouble. Best thing when the breakup isn't amicable is just to cut all contact and concentrate on yourself.
I'm still confused though.
He dumped me...but didn't tell me and shared it with our mutual friend. So, I called him and told him that we didn't have to go through nonsense like this...if he wanted out it was okay with me.
I have awful feelings toward him...and need to work through these...
thanks...
And also, why did you actually reply to your own post? Maybe think about changing your password because of a hacker maybe....:S
A) You're drunk, not expressing yourself very well and there's more to this than you've said. Your epic failure at alts and odd, run on sentences indicates inebriation. It also shows that you're willing to behave in a manipulative way to get attention and sympathy. You might want to work on that, it's a real turn off.
B)What you said is what happened. After eight years you decided that his avoiding you on his day off meant he had left you, and you ignored him when he claimed otherwise. If this is the case then you're paranoid. You don't realise that you're paranoid because that's the nature of madness. If you're known to mental health services then call your doctor, you need some inside time. Especially when you say things like this:
The more I read your post the more it seems like option B, or maybe a little of both. Unless there's something huge you're neglecting to mention here you dumped this guy for very little reason. From start to finish you sound like a paranoid person with a victim complex. Not exactly a rare or interesting madness among women, you should get it treated. At least recognise that you are not calm and killing one's ex boyfriend is a big decision that should be made with a clear head.
:yes: it does sound like, as Shy says, concentrating on yourself and (as you say) working through your feelings, would be a really good idea.
Regardless of how things have ended, there does seem to be a lot of negativity here and talking through things with a counsellor or relationships therapist may be a good way forward - you don't have to be part of a couple to have this kind of therapy.
Also, if you wanted to post a bit more here about how things got to the point they did, then feel free to vent.
Take care.
As *helen* said these feelings are often normal - if you do a look through on these forums for breakups you will find that a lot of people feel negative and upset and angry after a breakup. So understanding that it's a normal process, the next step is to work on ways to deal with these feelings.
As *helen* says talking to a counsellor can be very helpful - on some levels a relationship breakup is a lot like grieving the death of a loved one. Someone special in your life is gone. It's a difficult thing to deal with at the best of times.
The way I personally advocate dealing with these feelings is in small, bitesize chunks. Yes, you have down days, but you need to focus on the positive. Find some friends and go out and do fun things. Not all the time - you need time to 'grieve' but at least some of the time so that you have a balance in your life between dealing with these negative feelings so you can get them out of your system, but also doing positive fun things that can stop you feeling overwhelmed.
Everyone deals with things in different ways though. I think the best fundamental advice I can offer is don't do it alone - find some friends or some company or even just come on here to post about it.