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Novice, but hope
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
It's best to be honest and share my thoughts.
I'll be succint with this part as I'm over it, but due to bullying as a teenager I had psychotic episodes at university. I was always told how I was ugly and boring and would never have sex and this didn't help me.
Anyway now I feel i've learned a lot from my experiences and girls have told me the complete opposite.
At the time I couldn't quite believe a hot girl had just approached me, but I think I've had moderate success when I've gone out.
3 years ago I was on my year abroad at university and was asked out by a 26 year old French woman - I wasn't expecting this. Unfortunately I became ill again and never dated her, but that just shows I can do ok.
I have some different thoughts and questions.
Last year I did the Leonardo da Vinci scheme in France and the girls bought me this Truffaut film called L'homme qui aimait les femmes. In there it said how you have to love yourself before someone else can love you.
Since leaving university I've developed a lot and made a lot of good new friends and my confidence and self esteem has gone up a lot. I think now i'm in a much better position.
There's too much to right, but part of the problem was I believed what the bullies said, but then stuff started happening which contradicted this so I felt very confused when this girl like me in Paris in first year and for a combination of complicated factors I was ill.
Now i'm 24. I mean i'm happy with where I am in life and I feel I have done good things helping at MIND and have lots of friends, but I would like a girlfriend.
Like I find I can have lots of fun on my own and have travelled on my own and have good friends and family, but I would like a girlfriend to share my life with - I think I just want to have some companionship.
So far I have asked out 5, 1 yes, but we didn't click, kissed 8 girls when Ive been out, but have been approached maybe 15 times but lacked confidence (again a few weeks ago.)
My questions are
a) Is there something wrong with me for not being that bothered about random kissing ? Like I'd rather kiss someone I care about than someone I don't know in a club and I don't want to have sex as a one night stand.
b) I presume if she is worth it and we take things slowly she may understand why I haven't much relationship or sexual experience (still not had sex) but then I think surely she'd be honoured I waited for her as I think considering my experiences I would need to trust the girl I first sleep with.
c) Apparently it's a fine balance between friend zone and moving too quick, but I have met a French girl I like the look of and have spoken 6-7 times and think I should just be casual and ask her for a coffee. Is it best to just be casual in general when getting to know someone ?
Basically if a girl it aint interested I aint lost anything, I can only gain by trying and I think it's a numbers game - the more chances you have in football the more likely you will score and the same must be true of getting a girlfriend - if I asked 10 girls I like this year I stand more chance than if I ask 2.
But I'm not sure - I think now nothing is the be all and end all and if I had a girlfriend this could be difficult now I am in France so I guess there are pros and cons to it, but I think I've picked up the wrong messages and that wanting sex and a girlfriend are normal things, but from what the GP said I was repressed and I felt bad for wanting these things with the girl I met in Paris - maybe the bullying just made me complicated, but it really didn't help my head and I still don't fully understand, but think I thought differently to now.
But now I think a good girlfriend would be a good thing for me, 'but it is better to be alone than in bad company' and therefore she has to be a good girlfriend, but I think the girl I am interested in would be good.
Maybe people can help clarify my thoughts ?
I'll be succint with this part as I'm over it, but due to bullying as a teenager I had psychotic episodes at university. I was always told how I was ugly and boring and would never have sex and this didn't help me.
Anyway now I feel i've learned a lot from my experiences and girls have told me the complete opposite.
At the time I couldn't quite believe a hot girl had just approached me, but I think I've had moderate success when I've gone out.
3 years ago I was on my year abroad at university and was asked out by a 26 year old French woman - I wasn't expecting this. Unfortunately I became ill again and never dated her, but that just shows I can do ok.
I have some different thoughts and questions.
Last year I did the Leonardo da Vinci scheme in France and the girls bought me this Truffaut film called L'homme qui aimait les femmes. In there it said how you have to love yourself before someone else can love you.
Since leaving university I've developed a lot and made a lot of good new friends and my confidence and self esteem has gone up a lot. I think now i'm in a much better position.
There's too much to right, but part of the problem was I believed what the bullies said, but then stuff started happening which contradicted this so I felt very confused when this girl like me in Paris in first year and for a combination of complicated factors I was ill.
Now i'm 24. I mean i'm happy with where I am in life and I feel I have done good things helping at MIND and have lots of friends, but I would like a girlfriend.
Like I find I can have lots of fun on my own and have travelled on my own and have good friends and family, but I would like a girlfriend to share my life with - I think I just want to have some companionship.
So far I have asked out 5, 1 yes, but we didn't click, kissed 8 girls when Ive been out, but have been approached maybe 15 times but lacked confidence (again a few weeks ago.)
My questions are
a) Is there something wrong with me for not being that bothered about random kissing ? Like I'd rather kiss someone I care about than someone I don't know in a club and I don't want to have sex as a one night stand.
b) I presume if she is worth it and we take things slowly she may understand why I haven't much relationship or sexual experience (still not had sex) but then I think surely she'd be honoured I waited for her as I think considering my experiences I would need to trust the girl I first sleep with.
c) Apparently it's a fine balance between friend zone and moving too quick, but I have met a French girl I like the look of and have spoken 6-7 times and think I should just be casual and ask her for a coffee. Is it best to just be casual in general when getting to know someone ?
Basically if a girl it aint interested I aint lost anything, I can only gain by trying and I think it's a numbers game - the more chances you have in football the more likely you will score and the same must be true of getting a girlfriend - if I asked 10 girls I like this year I stand more chance than if I ask 2.
But I'm not sure - I think now nothing is the be all and end all and if I had a girlfriend this could be difficult now I am in France so I guess there are pros and cons to it, but I think I've picked up the wrong messages and that wanting sex and a girlfriend are normal things, but from what the GP said I was repressed and I felt bad for wanting these things with the girl I met in Paris - maybe the bullying just made me complicated, but it really didn't help my head and I still don't fully understand, but think I thought differently to now.
But now I think a good girlfriend would be a good thing for me, 'but it is better to be alone than in bad company' and therefore she has to be a good girlfriend, but I think the girl I am interested in would be good.
Maybe people can help clarify my thoughts ?
0
Comments
so no there is nothing wrong with you
yes, if i were in her case, i would be flaltered that someone who had not had sex wanted to lose their virginity with me, and if you think their worth it then they are right for you
imo i agree its best to be casual as you get to know them, not to casual as they may never like you as bf material, so show an active interest in them, try and include them with some activities, get to know their likes and dislikes etc but tbh, i'm a bit shit with this sort of thing but thats the jist of what i know
you hit the nail right on the head their mate, you've not lost anything and in the process probaly made a good friend
hope this helped
But I find it startling that they get so many approaches !
Do most girls get approached a lot by guys when they are out ?
Just wondering....