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A poem - Love

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
It started out in the world that we see in the dark
A switch that was tripped by a whisper.
The fallen thoughts and misplaced dreams that we
Lit with a match and a flicker.

It began in the deep propelled by submarine sleep
Flaring up through the depths we must swim.
Drifting in, floating out of our view; growing bright
In the beams between half-glimpsed places.

That we like to project in our slowest of breaths
A dream of a time in a garden.
Guarded down in the gulf we are yearning to fill
That we dug for ourselves with experience.

0n the surface of thoughts bubbles start to burst forth
Regrets gasping for realisation.
But it can be heard here at last; a new pulse beating hearts
That was born with the first creation

We complete it at night, where it bides out of sight
Swept along in the conscious current.
Towards the light and the start and the end and the part
Where we find that it?s been spoken.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I love this. Especially the way you've managed to make it rhyme in parts but without labouring it so that every line strictly rhymes - it really works. My favourite line is "it began in the deep propelled by submarine sleep", lovely imagery. If I were you I'd remove the full stop after "places" - because the next line starts with "that" I presume it's a continuation of the line before, so think that'd look better, but apart from that I think it's great.
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