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Starting afresh, but still moping over what i've lost

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
It's been a while since my last post. In my previous thread, i detailed the breakup of my relationship with my wife. We have been together for 13 years, married for 11 and have 3 kids.

We were still living together because of financial issues. However, i am close to getting my own place, a small flat that i should be able to move into on Wednesday.

I'm not happy though. Each day is so different. It was my wife who instigated the breakup, citing unhappiness, feeling unloved and not desired.
Some days, i accept things for what they are and attempt to look to the future, mulling over my post separation existence and the positives it may bring.

Other days, i am at my lowest ebb. Moping about, hoping against hope that she will come home from work, throw her arms around me and tell me she loves me - though i know this will not happen.

We drew up a separation agreement a few weeks back. One of the conditions we placed in it was that neither of us would embark on a new 'relationship' for at least the first 12 months - just in case things changed between us. We will allow each another to go out and have 'adult fun', as long as it's safe and non-committal.

After a bust up last week however, she came home from work demanding i remove that clause. She insists that she is in no rush to find a new man, but she also doesn't wish to be held back if someone does come along.

She complains about the fact that she will find i difficult, being as she will be a mother with 3 kids, a mortgage and 'strecthmarks' (her statement!)
I remind her that i love her dearly, though she's not interested in what i want to give her.

I'm annoyed because i don't think she appreciates what i am sacrificing for her. Though this is her desire, i will be moving out. I will also be paying a substantial amount towards the mortgage, joint loans and maintenance for the kids. I am leaving practically all the possessions that we accumilated over the 12 years of living together and have demanded very little.

I cannot stand the thought of some other guy, no matter how good his intentions, moving in on my wife, getting to know my kids, and perhaps sleeping in my bed in my house. I have siad to her that if she does move a guy in, then i will simply stop paying for the mortgage.

I have been so bloody understanding, yet i feel like i've been run over and left to bleed. She doesn't seem to have a care in the world right now, whereas i have to start afresh in a tiny one bedroom apartment where you wouldn't be able to swing a cat because pet's aren't allowed!

Despite all of this, i still love her deeply. I guess what i really want to know is if it's still possible for us to eventually find what we used to have - even if she gets the 'taste' for someone different?



  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You poor thing, how awful. What a shitty thing to go through.

    All I will say is take it one day at a time. A cliche, but a true one. You're bound to have good days and bad days, so expect it to take time to feel better, and don't beat yourself up if one day you're feeling ok, the next you're moping and miserable.

    It sounds a lot like she has mentally moved on, and you need to accept that. You need to accept that she isn't going to change her mind, she's already thinking about meeting someone new. It may take you time, but you need to do the same. You will meet someone new and be happy eventually, but it's not going to be with your wife.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also, just a feeling I have, but I get the impression there might be someone else on the scene, even though she denies it. Obviously I may be wrong, but try to mentally prepare for that being the case, because my feeling about it is that there is probably someone else she at least her eye on. Even if only because it would be a very brave and strong person to walk out on a marriage where they were happy and had three kids for no reason.
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