Home General Chat
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Aged 16-25? Share your experience of using the discussion boards and receive a £25 voucher! Take part via text-chat, video or phone. Click here to find out more and to take part.
Options

Illigitimate

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My19 G/F has just found out the she is illagitimate, or as she keeps calling herself, A Bastard. She's very upset the moment and I don't know how to calm her down. She's just obtained a full birth cirtificate,so she can apply for a passport,and it does state on it that the parents were not married.She was bought up in a childrens Home untill she was 5 years,then she was adopted,but she was alwas told her real parents were married. What can I say to her to ease this personal dilema??:(:(Illigitimate

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So she already knew she was adopted then?

    If shes worried about being illegitimate then she needs to grow up im afraid. Shes 19 years old and this is the year 2002. Shes not going to get shunned because her parents had her out of wedlock.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tell her to ask herself whether this new piece of information changes her as a person or changes her life experience. I'm willing to bet it doesn't. My parents weren't married when I was born (well, they were, but to other people :eek: ) and it has never bothered me per se. What they did doesn't change who I am, and it doesn't change what I have been through.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tell her to grow up and get a life

    Are your parents still happily married, have you ever had to deal with a heavy scene concerning family members??

    By that somewhat unthoughtful response it doesnt seem so to me. This information might seem nothing to you but your not the one concerned. Shes reacting badly as the thought and image she had in her head has not been true for a whole 19 years and she needs to deal with it. If I was told my parents werent married after 19 years I would have been a bit shocked as well even upset I dont know really how I would react as I have never been in that situation.

    She should be allowed to be upset if she feals its the best way of sorting it out. Of course it wont change her as a person as its not a life changing situation, she would have been the person she was if she knew about her parents or not!!

    Thats what you need to reasure her, tell her nothing is really going to change unless she lets it change.

    It isnt the end of the world or her life, you just need to keep telling her that and just be there for her :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    -so you have been though some hard stuff- we all have.

    It doesn't give you the right to be so nasty about other peoples situations.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    -so you have been though some hard stuff- we all have.

    It doesn't give you the right to be so nasty about other peoples situations.

    Spot On, just what I was going to post myself.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tell your girlfriend that finding out this new information does not change who she is as a person. She's still the same as before, except her origins have changed a bit. You still love her for who she is, and so will everybody else. Times have changed, and there is not as much stigma attached to being born outside of a marriage as there once was... it's practically common practice.

    And as for Miss Sensitive... *stops herself* I'm not going to dignify any of what she has said with a response.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by LacyMay2k


    I suggest you look at yourselves and ask yourselves why your slaggin off a complete stranger....insecurity? jealousy? you got some kind of complex? i mean it aint normal...

    :eek: :rolleyes:

    Erm...tried looking at any of your own posts recently?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by LacyMay2k



    Funny that innit? You know i cant understand why you people take the moral high ground 99.9% of the time....i mean its not as if your perfect is it... :rolleyes:

    I suggest you look at yourselves and ask yourselves why your slaggin off a complete stranger....insecurity? jealousy? you got some kind of complex? i mean it aint normal...

    We take the moral high ground because with people like you around, it's virtually impossible not to. You live in Moral Holland so to speak. The moral tundra. You have no respect for other peoples emotions, which hardly surprises me. I dunno, did one of your regular knifings cut the empathy nerve?

    And we are slagging off a completely strange because a) you're not a complete stranger, and b) we're rather protective of our little community. People come here with problems, and ask us for help. When little shits like you come along it upsets the balance, it upsets the fragile hearts of a lot of people, and generally you're unwelcome.

    Answer your questions?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why do we insult complete strangers? Well, it's simple really. Firstly, you're hardly a complete stranger. Secondly, it may seem silly to other people, but we are very protective of each other here. People know each other's personalities, they know who is likely to get upset, and when people do get upset, it's instinct to round on that person.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    e-thugging at its best :rolleyes:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    none of you know ANYTHING about me.

    Who would want to?!
    if someone said some of the stuff you lot had said to me i would have beat them within an inch of their life

    Shut up little girl and stop trying to act like a wee hard nut, its obvious you have problems with events that have happened in your life and your attitude is to well have an attitude with everyone else! Its not cool and its not smart your not impressing any of us with it, keep it up if you want couldnt care less but you will out yourself on here and then you will just leave anyway. Your choice.
    some of you people are so fuckin ignorant its unbelievable...an that i cant be bothered with.

    So that would be all of us then?? Your the one that states you dont care what anyone thinks or wants, yet we're the ones that are ignorant! Take your head out of you own ignorant ass and see the world for what it really is instead of what you create it to be in your head.

    But hey you have street cred, you been "knifed" etc. so you know everything dont you :rolleyes:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Remember Wuck, she gets knifed 'on a regular basis'...She must be seriously hard.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lol at Balddog and wuckfit. :D:D:D:D

    Oh no what is this i see here. Yet another ignorant poster. You contridict yourself so bad it amuses me. :) You act like you don't care what people think but then you moan that people don't listen to you etc... You have made my day.

    Pedro - I think that you should sit her down and talk to her. Let her know that you will always be there for her to talk to. Try to get her to tell you exactly how shes feeling. Do something to make her feel good. Good luck Hunni. :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by LacyMay2k
    a) I am a complete stranger to you lot...none of you know ANYTHING about me.

    Except the two hundred or so posts you've made, many of which describe yourself, and certainly many of which give an impression of your personality. I'd say that doesn't make you a complete stranger.

    b) Yeah i am gonna insult people cos you lot fuckin round up on me...in "real life" if someone said some of the stuff you lot had said to me i would have beat them within an inch o.f their life....dunno why but its just the way i am. Its just instinct to fight back.

    That has nothing to do with the fact that you're too stupid to fight back with words? That you spend more time fucking around than you do in class?

    c) Ok im not the most sensitive person around...i speak my mind. I dont care what people think of me or how they view what i say. Some things i say can be taken as offensive or rude whatever but i just write how i see it. It might not be the view of everyone but that does not give you persmission to rip my words apart.

    There's speaking your mind, and speaking your mind. Choose the former, and you'll be regarded as an opinionated, ignorant, oaf. Choose the former and you'll be seen as an intelligent, eloquent propogator of the mother tongue. You chose the former, and now you hold no respect whatsoever, which is why people rip you apart.

    d) I don't mind apoligising if i offend people but some of you people are so fuckin ignorant its unbelievable...an that i cant be bothered with.

    Fucking ignorant? Care to explain how you draw that conclusion? You can't be bothered with it, so you keep on coming back for me? Hmm, something doesn't add up.

    Oh, and you still haven't told me how you get "knifed regularly".
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Ilson-Youth



    even if it doesnt, no need to be insulting etc..

    :eek: look who's talking about being insulting!! I take it you have made up with Tek-ila then?

    why have you all turned one persons opinion into a flaming?

    Lacy was stating her opinion a bit harsh but I dont think she was taking the matter lightly or bieng insulting, but before I waste anymore time on that...

    I have to say I see her point, after going through something so traumatising as a childrens home, and adoption, what does marital status matter?

    This is just my opinion but I do think the whole 'calling herself a bastard thing is a bit pathetic, I dont think that its the illegitamacy thing that it the propblem I think it goes deeper than that, its perhaps the secrecy, and bieng made to feel insignificant by adults who are supposed to be guardians....

    Pedro, I dont think there is anything you can say to change you girlfriends mind, just be there for her and help her work through it.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My parents were married when I was concieved, yet people are constantly calling me a "...right bastard." What's that all about then?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by captain kirk
    My parents were married when I was concieved, yet people are constantly calling me a "...right bastard." What's that all about then?

    LMAO! :D:D:D
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a'Bastard

    Thanx for all your comments on my g/fs problems. She';s read all your veiws now says she's got to face the fact that she is one of"
    todays "Love Childs


    Thanks again for your veiws
Sign In or Register to comment.