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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

This kind of ties in with relationships, but then also sex.

I've posted a bit about this before, but basically bullying during my teenage years didn't help me in a lot of ways.

To cut a long story short had a lot of nast comments about my appearance and personality so this affected me quite a bit and I was ill at university.

Anyway fast forward from 19 to 24 and I made lots of friends at university and since university and (according to someone at MIND the bullies were jealous of me - I can see why now I am older and can compare track records, but would never have guessed at the time.)

In terms of women someone told me a few weeks ago I did very well plucking the courage to ask a few people out as some guys don't he said. So far have asked 4 and one said yes, but we didn't click.

I seem to like girls who already have boyfriends which is annoying, but there is a girl I have just met in Bordeaux, but she is about to go to South America and I've only known her a few weeks. Think she is single though.

But am I right in thinking it's kind of law of averages ? I've had some quite encouraging things happen which I never expected in a million years due to the bullying and low self esteem.

3 years ago I actually got asked out by a quite attractive trainee teacher and have been approached about 10 times when I am out and asked for my number a couple of times. I found the people who approached me quite attractive and I remember with one I overheard her friend say some very complimentary things about me. With her and others though nothing happened as I just didn't have the confidence and kind of thought why do you like me ?

I've kissed 8 girls and never had sex or a girlfriend, but now I'm older I think that I have a lot of qualities and that someone out there would be lucky to have me.

It's taken me quite a while to recover from the 'conditioning' of my teenage years and i've needed quite a bit of help (I've realised i'm not the first or last to have severe mental health problems because of bullying.)

But now I've made plenty of friends, made female friends and recently one of the girls in the Leonardo group has been saying things like sexy and I love you to me (though she told me she doesn't like me.)

So how was I meant to realise as a teenager that being told how crap I was in every respect that i'd make friends and some girls would like me ?

The last time I kissed a girl in a club was 2 years ago.

Basically I think i'd much rather have a girlfriend and have sex with her than pull lots of randoms or have one night stands. Is this just me ?

From evidence thus far I think I can do ok and hopefully meet someone one day.

Some questions I have are :

is it better to be friends first ?
is there a point where it's kind of friendzone ie should you show them you like them as more after like a month or is it just a natural process ?
In terms of pulling in a club, maybe a few random kisses would't do me any harm, but watching the girls in the group they just reject guys all the time so I think a lot of girls just want to be left alone ?
Is it best just to chat to a girl in a club and be yourself and then maybe get her number ? I just felt a bit weird kissing someone i'd only just met, but then as I found them attractive I did enjoy it. Is this just me ? I mean I think kissing is kind of intimate, so it feels a bit werid kissing someone you don't know ?

For sex I think it's better in a relationship from what people have told me, but maybe some people enjoy one night stands, but personally for my first time and considering my experiences I think I'd have to trust her and be able to explain my situation. If she's worth it, she'd understand my lack of confidence from the past and lack of experience I think.

What do you think ? Is it maybe worth trying to chat to a few girls when I go out. Thing is rejection isn't nice, but everyone goes through it with girls and i'm sure every guy on the planet must have been rejected at some stage. maybe if you ask someone out and they say no you just have to think well at least I tried and just believe there's someone out there for you.

A post the other week was very useful as the replies were very encouraging, so now I'm feeling hopeful for the future, but it's just taken a while.

But wanting sex and a girlfriend, must be like the most natural thing in the world surely ?

I really didn't feel great because of the bullying, but now I've gained a lot from being ill and am much happier, so I'd like to think some girl out there would be lucky to have me and I don't think I'd be the worst boyfriend in the world.

But if you have any thoughts on how I can meet a nice girl or take some steps towards dating then please suggest. Not having kissed anyone for ages I wouldn't mind locking lips with a nice French lady whilst I am here if I'm honest even though I've never really been that into random pulling and don't want a one night stand, but I don't think I'm sleazy or anything, but the odd bit of fun with a hot French girl wouldn't hurt I guess and then maybe I could get her phone number ?

Anyway what are your thoughts ? Maybe it's just a case of diving into the swimming pool and getting myself out there and asking people out a lot more/internet dating/talking to more girls when I go out and then it all adds to the experience and i'll learn from any mistakes I make.


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pulling in a club is generally a load of shite, how on earth can you meet someone in a place when you can't hear each other talk? If you're calm, confident and persistent you can pull a lot in clubs, but do you want that?

    Just be yourself and you'll be fine. If she's into you and you're into her, have a go.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No I don't really think I want that. Like yeah you can barely hear your friends talk and i'm not really going to go up and grind someone.

    I don't think many people can meet their boyfriend or girlfriend in a club or maybe i'm wrong.

    I reckon maybe work or some kind of social event maybe. I think parties are a good bet cos you can hear each other talk so then you could get people's numbers maybe.

    What do you reckon ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I met my girl in a club.
    In fact I met a few girls I used to see in clubs.If you wanna kiss someone in a club go for it,theres no law against it.In my personal experience its much better to become intimate and close with a girl as soon as possible,if you become friends first then she may just see you as a friend and nothing more.
    But one night stands are totally over rated anyway and I never honestly had the patience to be that bothered to try.
    Sex is much better in a relationship once you have built the trust between you both.
    As for the inexperience,I do hear you there.My girl has been with a lot more people than me and for some reason it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.Like because I havent been with as many people Im lesser or something,not as good.Maybe I feel I havent played the field enough maybe,havent experienced enough different women.
    Anyway,enough of my rambling.
    All I can say is go after what you want.If your in a club and can get a one night stand go for it,if your at a party and meet a girl you want to see properly again just go for it.
    Generally rejection is embarrassing but quite politely put from the girls so dont worry about it.At least you`ll know and all the other guys will only be jealous because you had the balls to go for it and they didnt.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Thanks for the reply. Very good response. Yeah I think if I just meet someone I like then just to go for it. I think I'd pull someone in a club, but wouldn't take it any further.

    I think from what you and other people I know have said that I'd have to have some level of trust with someone before going further than kissing.
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