i just dont know what to think? advice needed badly

Former Member

I need help, basically cause Im too embarassed to talk to any of my friends about it. Me and my boyfriend are extremley close and I know that he masturbates over porn and other girls (girls at work, uni, me, people he knows etc) I dont have a problem with him doing it over porn at all, but asked him to tone it down on doing it over other girls.

anyway, the other week I noticed hed been searching on google for nude pictures of a girl he went to school with (they went around at the time and he told me about it before), and I got a bit upset but he told me he was just curious and wanted to look at them, which I would be if it was someone who went to my school. It was forgotten about.

But then the other day I looked in his email and saw that a friend of his had emailed him the nude pictures of the said girl. I was very upset when discovering them, seeing nude pictures of another girl in your boyfriends inbox isnt nice. I asked him whether he had masturbated over them and he said yes. I was very upset over this as he knew that I would be upset as wed argued about it when he searched for them on google.

But I just dont know how mad I should be? Am I being irrational? Is this normal? Should I be mad at all? I just would appreciate some advice really as Im totally on my own in this and have no idea how normal this is. Some honest replied would be appreciated even if you think I'm a raving lunatic who needs to get a grip
cheers

Former Member

No, you're not a raving lunatic.

Okay, first thing's first, guys will fantasize about other women. Even if they're totally in love with you and would never cheat on you, they will fantasize. I fantasy is just that though. It's not real.

Where it's starting to get a bit funny is where he's tossing off to photos of someone he used to know. It adds a bit of a personal dimension to it, in a way that porn doesn't, because he doesn't know or has never known the people in porn and they are essentially fictional characters.

It's refreshing that your man is so open with you over such things and there seems to be a bond of trust between the two of you. But sometimes, too much information is not a good thing. Tell him to cut it out with the photos of girls he's actually known. If he likes porn and you're okay with it, then fine. That and his imagination will do and he should keep it to himself.

Seriously though, guys will always fantasize about other women though. Don't insist that he shares these fantasies with you, if they're gonna do nothing but make you feel inadequate.

Former Member

I think you're being far too nice about it - he needs he's arse kicked into gear. You seem easy going and relaxed, which is cool - but it's also allowing him to treat you with very little respect.

Maybe have talk with him and set down some ground rules! - If he can't abide by them, can you carry on being with him if he's wanking about other girls and looking them up on the internet?? Personally, I think he's on slippery slope to eventually cheating on you.....

imo some things should remain in our heads and not be shared. You could say you're in the wrong for snooping but from what you've said you were justified in doing so.

I guess you've got to decide what's your best course of action going forward is.