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My girlfriend and I have 2 different views of sex...help me

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
So I am posting here because I want to know what others think of my situation and maybe give me some advice on what I should do about it.

My gf and I have been dating for about 6 months now. We both just recently graduated from college and we are starting are careers in the same city. Just about every aspect of the relationship is great with the exception of sex...we only have it once a month at best. Now, being the male I am, I want to have sex 8 times a day but I realize that is not possible, but I am willing to compromise for several times a week.

Before meeting each other I had been abstinent for 1.5 years while she went through multiple promiscuous partners (I chalked that up as "having fun" time, everyone needs to get it out of there system). When we met we were having sex on a normal basis, it was soon after the "I love you" was said that she began showing no interest in sex.

I tried talking to her about it. She says that she doesn't know what is wrong with her, she admits this is completely not like her. She was on birth control so I asked her to stop taking that, thought that maybe that was altering her somehow. She says it helped a little, but she still has no interest.

Yesterday I brought it up again and I asked her why she could have sex 2 weeks ago but not now...she replied, "I was just trying to make you happy."

So you tell me, what do you think I should do? Or what more do I need to tell you for this to make any sense to you?


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hire a private eye and have her monitored. There is something foul.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there :wave:
    It's not unusual for your sex drive to fluctuate but it can be difficult if you're not in sync with one another at the moment. You may want to have a look at our article on mismatched sex drives for some useful info on what might be causing it and what you can do to change it.
    You may also want to think about new ways to approach sex and spice things up a bit so it doesn't seem like the same old routine?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Iam exactly the same as your gf. Right now I could happily live without sex. Me and my bf have not had sex for about two months, purley because I am not intrested in it :blush:
    My sex drive has completely vanished :crying:
    Things like the pill, medication and low self esteem can all effect your sex drive :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I started using a hormonal contraception recently and within 3 weeks my sex drive was shot. I actually only had sex with my bloke to please him. I had no desire, it didn't feel good and initially it actually hurt. I didn't want to tell him anything because I feared he'd take it personally and think I wasn't interested in him. Instead I was faking to be asleep and trying to get him to finish as quickly as possible to get it over and done with.
    It was a horrible period of time because this just wasn't me. I had been all over him one month (almost too much, ha!) and the next I'm dreading to have him even think about having sex with me.

    I quit taking the hormones and it took me a few days to recover, mainly mentally. I've actually read research results that indicate that it can take quite a long time after using hormonal contraception for the sex drive to recover back to normal if it's been affected.

    I think you should try to talk to your girlfriend in a non-confrontational way and see if you can come up with some solutions or figure out why she doesn't want sex.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    It is a tough problem, I can understand what you are going through I have a very sex drive and want it every day twice a day (but that is never going to happen. Alot of womens sex drives are related to how they are feeling in general so might be worth finding out how she is feeling generally. Talking it through might bring you closer and make her want to have sex with you. If that does not help, maybe it is medical or due to diet/excercise. Hope you manage to work things out
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