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Please explain.....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
The thing I just don't get is why I've received 'attention' when I least expected it.

If i'm honest i'm quite inexperienced with women, but have had some very encouraging things happen.

I won't bother going into full details as I know certain people were just morons and I now know I am a lot better than them, but maybe having low expectations meant I wasn't expecting anything to happen and that's why it did. I'm not sure.

But like every time a girl has liked me I haven't been expecting anything be that in a club or a party and I don't know why this is.

I remember someone once told me in first year of university expect the unexpected and in some ways he might be right.

A female friend said at university said words to the effect of let the girls come to you and that kind of has happened to a degree.

At the end of the day i'm not exactly Casanova or whatever, but I think the fact a fairly attractive trainee teacher asked me out a couple of years ago proves I can do ok. Sods law being sods law though the Dr had got the diagnosis wrong and I became ill and had to leave France.

But the thing is in general I think men have to do the 'hunting' but then people have said if you go looking for it you don't find. So i'm confused.

I think maybe it happens when you least expect it as you are just being yourself and dancing or whatever and if you are being smiley with your friends maybe that makes you more approachable, but then I remember my friend said he thought because I was friendly that stands me in good stead with girls.

I'm always myself and someone this girl told someone recently she thought I was genuine (someone linked to a mental health course I was doing) so basically I think what a friend at MIND said is true ie you meet the right one and you just click and it happens naturally.

Someone else at MIND said often the best relationships come from being friends first. What i've always found is the girls I like are ones I like chatting to - i'd put a lot of money on it that getting on with someone is far more important than whether they are 'hot.'

I doubt this is just me, but I've met girls who you look at and they are attractive, but then I'd describe them with a word beginning with b such as this French girl I met last year.

I think there does have to be a bit of sexual attraction, but personality attraction is more important I think and within the last few hours 99% of girls i've seen have been perfectly fine.

In terms of looks I'd say there are amazingly beautiful ppl like Scarlett Johansson but I think most men and women just fall into the perfectly normal spectrum and it's not really a struggle to find girls walking down the street who I can admire.

So I guess if I met a girl tomorrow and started chatting and we got on I would probably chat for a while to get to know her, but then I think people get stuck in the 'friendzone' so I may be wrong, but I think if you just say do you fancy a drink and she says yes (or oui at present) after several weeks there may be a good chance.

I met a rather nice lady in work, but she is taken...still never mind. I seem to have a habit of liking girls and then finding out they are taken, but on the law of averages there'll be a nice single one there waiting for me to take her to Paris.

So I guess in general it's always a good bet to get to know them for a while, but then not to leave it like a year or something and if you are pretty sure they seem nice, interesting etc there's probably a pretty good chance they are ie initial impressions maybe count for something ?

Anyway these are just some thoughts.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was wondering where you were going with this, then I read
    Anyway these are just some thoughts.

    ... and realised you were just musing. Unsure what you would like us to explain though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I'm just wondering if what i've said is going along the right lines.

    From what different people have said I think my friend is probably right that you just click with someone and it's natural.

    I suppose the questions I have are ;

    why does it seem to happen when you least expect it ?

    if you like someone does there come a point where it's like you'll only just be friends or can you sometimes get to know someone for quite a while platonically and then romance still blossoms ?

    Maybe it's just different for different people and sometimes you can become an item quickly and at other times it takes a bit longer and you can be friends for a good while. However this girl said if you got to the point where you really liked someone and asked them out and said no it hurts more. I asked someone out in first year of uni after 6 months of kind of being friends (and I thought it probably was just that) and it hurt a bit.

    One thing I'm not sure of the answer to is how do you read 'the signs' ? Or is this something that is quite difficult to do ? I may be wrong, but I get the impression men sometimes aren't good at reading the signs and i'm one of them.

    Basically i'm a novice, but I think there's someone out there for me and who knows when we'll meet (although according to my flatmate in first year the lines on my hands mean that I have one long relationship and I meet her at 28, but I reckon that's rubbish.)

    I think taking it slowly is probably a good policy so no rushing into things.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not something thats happening because you least expect it, you just assume this because you're not actively seeking it.
    Say you're on a night out and you're on the prowl to catch somebodies eye, when you do its not a big deal as you've been looking all night right? But when the same thing happens but you havent sought it out its a biger deal in your mind i guess.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I suppose that could be right. Maybe as I wasn't looking and it just happened it stands out a lot more.
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