Brother Help!

Former Member

Hey all!

I havnt posted under this name for an extemely long time now.....but im in abit of a pickle.

My little brother as just gone up to secondary and going is through the normal teenager transformation....grumpy, cheeky, always in his room. But hes a lovely boy when he wants to be, he will sit and play with my 3 year old sister, offer to help out from time to time.

The thing is what im worried about is when its his turn on the laptop, as we share,he is on it to all hours of the morning, he has a girlfriend that hes always calling up late at night, he will go behind me and my mums back to get the phone if hes been band from it, and hes only 11 years old.....im afraid he will go on the wrong path with the wrong people...

Now, i went through the same process, as i think most people did when they moved up to secondary.....but i didnt start staying up to all hours on the laptop till about year 9, and also i didnt start to ring up my boyfriend at night regulary untill my current one and im coming to the end of my first year of 6th form. But regardless of that, i was never and angel, i was into drinking, lieing to my mum and going to house parties when i was suppose to be sleeping at a mates, and i was into drugs aswell..

Another thing im worried about is that obviously im starting to think about unis, now my mum wants me to go to notts trent so i would be able to come back every night and the tutition wouldnt cost as much as we are pretty skint in the current climate (as im sure everyone else is!).....but i've always had my heart set on birmingham since about year 9....now i dont mind taking out a loan on my own name....but the one thing stopping me is my brother, i dont think my mum wouldnt be able to handle him if he gets worse. I think i am being pretty selfish about the uni thing, but when i confided in my boyfriend he said i should go to birmingham because i need to live my life, i need my own space, which i tottaly agree, but is that worth having my brother go off on the wrong path?!

I just want to know what can be done, if there is anythin to be done?
Has anyone bee in the same sitution and how has it worked out?

Many thanks all!

Former Member

The university tuition fee is paid as a loan which YOU only repay when YOU are earning over £15,000 a year. It's not something your parents have to pay for so you should apply to where you'll be happiest. They can choose to pay your fee rather than taking out the student loan, but as the student loan is effectively interest free there's really no point in doing that unless they comfortably have the money. As far as I remember, Birmingham have a pretty good bursary scheme for poor students too, if that helps.

As for your brother, it sounds like he's being a typical kid. It's a bit young to be getting into the girlfriend thing, but really it's up to your parents to be firm with him if his school work is being affected. They can get a block put on the phone (where you can only use the phone if you know the PIN) and they might want to think about making him use the computer in a family room rather than in his bedroom. Either that or turn off the wireless internet when it's time for him to go to bed.

Former Member

Thank you for replying, i know this is off subject, but about the unis; would the tution actually go down if say i did go to notts uni and came home every night, because i wouldnt thought that it would go down alot...

I agree with him being too young for a girlfriend, and he told me that hes afraid if he will 'dump' her, that he will loose all his friends as she is much popular, also she threatened him by saying if he didnt stay on MSN, she would continuously ring the homephone, knowing my mum goes to sleep early and my three year old sister is in bed.....Mind you i've just read through the "at what age did you loose your virginty" and it seems hes probaly behind on the whole girlfrend thing :P haha

The pin on the homephone is actually a really good idea! And i do encourage him to take the laptop through as we have gotten closer recently, so he can sometimes confide (spelling?!) in some stuff with me. But im afraid that turning the wireless off and puttng pins on the house phone will just push him further away and he will rebell agaisnt it.

Former Member

He needs something to rebel against, he's (well, almost) a teenager. He's the kid so he'll just have to lump it.

By living at home with your parents you will save the cost of renting a room, either in halls or in a shared house. But because of this the amount of help you'd be entitled to claim for living costs is quite a bit lower. And you'd also miss out on the university experience by living at home. If finances are the only thing that makes living at home tempting then I think you should go for living away.

In terms of tuition, you're getting the same tuition regardless of where you live, so you don't save anything there.

The funding is there for you to go to university away from home if that's what you really want. Have a look at the directgov website, it explains the basics pretty well.

Former Member

I suppose so! Im just terrified of what he may get into, i suppose its hypocritical as i was into drinking and drugs at one point, but after having that experience i no no to do it again. And I no people who are wasting their lifes and messing their education because of the drugs and i dont want that for him. Hes a bright lad, whos training with Notts Forest, and i honestly think if he sticks at it he could go far with it. I just want the best for him, like anyone would for their brother!

I will deffinatly look into uni funding, i deffinatly want to look into studying away, but it all comes back to my brother, my mum is emotionally unstable at the minute, she hasnt admit it, but i confide in my aunty alot and she agrees with me. I just dont want to push her stability with me goin away, and my brothe only helping now and then when my mum needs as much help as she can get atm.

But thank you for the advice, its helped

Former Member

If you do decide to stay at home and go to Nots' your look back one day and say to yourself, if I had just gone to birmingham. Unis are life changing and is a major thing (well in my eyes)

I think you should go to birmingham and visit when you can, you won't be able to control your brother but you can guide him. Tell him about your experiences with drink/drugs, give it to him straight.

Hope things go well for you

Former Member

CoolMe wrote: »

you look back one day and say to yourself, if I had just gone to birmingham

I cant think of anything worse.

Then again, I love Nottingham.

Seriously though, go to whatever uni you want to, otherwise your only going to regret it.

And you kid bro is just being a normal teenager. Could be worse, he could be shagging his girlfriend all night.

Former Member

Thanks for all our help guys
i suppose he is just being a normal teenager.....and things could be worse!

And i had a talk to my mum about unis, and she knows that i really want to go to birmingham, and she was fine!

And again, thanks for all your help, your advice will be taken on board!

:thumb:

Former Member

Good good

Let us know in afew months time if anything crops up and that!

Former Member

I will I will