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Is this unreasonable?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Basically,when my girl goes out I know she used to have a load of one night stands and pull and stuff like that.
Shes quite a flirt.
But is it unreasonable to ask she doesnt dance/dirty grind with other guys?
Personally,I dont like it or the thought of it.Im pretty jealous when it comes to my woman.:D
Is it unreasonable girls?

Before I get slagged though think of it the other way round.
Would you like your boyfriend dancing with some girl and shes grinding her hips and bum all over him,dropping down and rubbing herself back up him?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No i wouldnt say it is, i can totally see your point. I think you're more likely to be jealous/worried about your partner if you know she's a bit of a flirt.

    I was the same with my ex as. i knew he'd had one night stands and flirted alot with women and didnt treat them with much respect. My current bf, although he might flirt a bit, is alot less like that and whilst i dont much about his sexual past i couldnt imagine him sleeping around alot, so i trust him more

    I think that you should ask her to tone it down if you're uncomfortable with it and if she respected your feelings, she would.

    She might also say that she's just hvaing fun and it doesnt mean anything which is also a valid point. Flirting can be just harmless fun and she probably doesnt remember or think about the guys she's talked to.

    The thing to do is talk to her and explain how you feel and come to a compromise :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    of course its a reasonable request.
    I cant believe you even have to ask her to stop. I think thats a dumpable offence
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think its unreasonable to ask her not to but do it in a calm, non-judgemental way. Tell her that you don't mind at all that she dances with other guys but some things she does make you feel uncomfortable. At the end of the day, your body belongs to her and her body belongs to you, because you're in a committed relationship. But getting angry and jealous about it may be like a red rag to a bull. You need to show her she can have fun without the overt flirting (which she doesn't need to do now because she has you!).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cool,glad its not unreasonable then.
    Just dont want to come off as overbearing and jealous boyfriend type you know.
    Its not when we`re together as I know she wouldnt while I was there but when shes out alone.
    Its just I know dirty grinding is one step to kissing and more,in my experience anyway.
    And knowing what she used to be like....y`know,one worries.
    Im not like in your face jealous or anything,Im always calm and have told her she can go where she wants with who she wants as long as she is totally honest about it with me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not ok, in my book. (that she's doing that, so a-ok with you being irritated by it)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Unreasonable? I'm amazed you're as tolerant as you are. Flirting is one thing, grinding up against all and sundry is something completely different. I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but I'm honestly amazed you've not chucked her for that.

    I'm not even slightly jealous or possessive, but I'd be seething if that was my lass doing that. It's completely unacceptable IMHO.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah what they all said =]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »

    I'm not even slightly jealous or possessive, but I'd be seething if that was my lass doing that. It's completely unacceptable IMHO.

    :yes: :yes: :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Depends if I'm there or not, if i don't see it/hear about it I don't much care.
    It's not out of order to be mad about that though! I think it depends on how your relationship is and if theres a strong bond of trust..by the sounds of it, there isn't.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hang on,I think I didnt explain that she hasnt in front of me.
    She hasnt done it in front of me while we`re out,not a chance and Id never let her and if she did anyway then,yeah shed be gone.
    My main worry is that when shes out alone with her mates she will do it,be really drunk and pull some guy.Thats mainly how Ive always pulled.
    Grinding is only one step away in my mind and when two people are both steaming....
    Thats my main worry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, you need to speak to her and then decide whether you are going to trust her. What else can you do? Trust her not to do it until a friend of yours see's her out and reports back to you. Maybe.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Personally I don't think it makes any difference whether you're there with her or not. Part of being in a relationship is that you commit to one person. That doesn't mean commit to one person but still grind against anything that moves when you're out. Being drunk isn't an excuse either, if she can't control her behaviour she is drinking too much.

    If she was just dancing with her mates that's different, but grinding up against complete strangers in nightclubs is really bad. Have you ever talked to her about it, why does she say she does it? I know some women do it because they're insecure and think that they're worth nothing if they don't have male attention all the time, and it can be hard habit to get out of. It doesn't always mean they'd kiss or have sex with the men who are dancing with them, but it's still bad behaviour.

    All I'll say is you're an awful lot more tolerant than I would be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    Personally I don't think it makes any difference whether you're there with her or not. Part of being in a relationship is that you commit to one person. That doesn't mean commit to one person but still grind against anything that moves when you're out. Being drunk isn't an excuse either.

    Thats exactly how I feel.
    Its not like Im being a hypocrite and going out and doing it myself so she cant throw that at me.
    Anything I ask her not to do I dont myself,they are my rules and I live by them too.
    Im going to talk to her about it tomorrow,see what she says.
    If she cant respect my feelings on this then shes obviously not the girl for me.
    But,we`ll see.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fuck that shit. Bang out of order in my opinion. My girlfriend joke dances with friends of ours while I'm around, but that's it. Grinding with randoms is out of line.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is there a difference between a lady going out and grooving with a guy and a guy going to a club and having a lap dance (to ask if its ok for a guy to grind with his non-girlfriend would be too obivious), which if I recall, the consensus is that is ok. Such outrage!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the argument would be that dirty dancing in a nightclub is interactive but watching some girl take her clothes off is not. Personally I think there's something a bit strange about men who'd pay a fortune to see what they can see for free at home, but hey.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the difference there is that everyone knows a lap dance is never going to amount to anything other than what it is. Some girl grinding on a lad could lead to any number of things which is the point i think the op was trying to make.

    Edit: Kinda beaten to it by Kermit :\
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Or it could just be dancing where everybody knows its not going to lead anywhere as well. Unfortunatly I had to go to a bar with a dance area and there was grinding all over the place. Girls doing it with guys they took away from their girls and vice versa, bachelorette and her party, most who had rings dancing away and nobody blinked an eye. Song is over you go back to your guy/girl/friends... a dance is a dance is a dance, eh?

    I'm not saying that the OP has no right to be offended by it. Of course he can, and its not posessive at all, probably rational... I'm just shocked at the response that how doing that would be the end all and how totally and completly out of order it is.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ARGH if she's anything like my ex, which by the way I hope she isn't!

    Then expect the whole - "Do you want me on a leash then? or You're too obsessive, controlling, smothering yada yada yada"

    If she's like this, she'll turn it around making you feel bad for suggesting you don't trust her, or do not want her to have fun. It really worked on me to be honest.

    If it was me, and my boyfriend was doing that with girls where I was (or if I wasnt there) it shows blatent disrespect for our relationship. I wouldn't blurt out an argument, but instead sit down and talk to her about it, see if she understands you. If she understands, ask her to calm it down, or only dance with friends or something.. both come to a mature descion about the situation and also open up the floor to anything that maybe bothering her about your actions etc. (this way she won't feel like your making her out to be the bastard of the relationship)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is there a difference between a lady going out and grooving with a guy and a guy going to a club and having a lap dance (to ask if its ok for a guy to grind with his non-girlfriend would be too obivious), which if I recall, the consensus is that is ok. Such outrage!

    I totally would put a complete and utter halt to a boyfriend even visiting them kinds of 'establishments' - to me it shows disrespect to women and its fine for everyone else but if your in a dedicated relationship with me and know who I am and love me, then you wouldn't entertain the idea of women being treated as meat. I am the same towards male entertainment by the way, just in case you guys start talking!

    If your not in a relationship fine, pay some girl to dance on you, or you could go out and meet someone, either a fling or the real thing, why pay for something? -The idea of a guy/girl being bought really messes me in the head.

    Anyways I digress, so if the OP was doing this and then expecting his girl not to be somewhat rambunctious then I would say that he was a hypocrite!! but I'm presuming he doesn't !

    Hopefully anyways
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it would not be ok for my guy to get a lapdance either tbh
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh,Im definately not a hypocrite.
    Ive already said anything I ask her not to do is because I wouldnt do it myself,so if she goes ahead anyway then it says to me she doesnt give a shit about my feelings or our relationship.
    Im not worried about her turning it round on me,I`ll just turn it back on her again.How would she like some girl rubbing and grinding all over me?
    Im not into lapdances either.:razz:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm just shocked at the response that how doing that would be the end all and how totally and completly out of order it is.

    Going and getting a lapdance when you're in a relationship is completely and utterly wrong too. No matter how much men try and claim it's just entertainment, they're paying money to see something they can get for nothing at home. Sadly stripping seems to have become normalised so a lot of men think it's acceptable and a lot of women feel like prudes for being upset by it.

    If someone's in a relationship with me they can dirty dance with me and see me naked. Not some bored girl in a lapdancing club and not some random charver in a nightclub. It's really not that unreasonable to ask for some commitment.

    If you ask her to stop, and explain why, and she chooses not to listen then she's clearly not the right woman for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My girlfriend did this a while back. I had a massive go at her in the club and she stormed off.

    To this day it's still the only thing we disagree on. I don't think it's right to grind another guy and she doesn't see the harm (her excuse was that he came up to her first!! :eek2: )

    Anyway, she's not done it since which either shows that she knows she was wrong or respects the fact that I didn't like it so doesn't do it anymore. So I would say you're fine to ask her to stop.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you're damn right to ask her not to dance like that with other guys!
    As your girlfriend I would think you care for me and I'd feel reassured. That's what a proper bf should be like :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well,we went out sat,her with her mate and me with mine.
    Now,honestly I did kind of abandon her and spent too much time with my mates,but I did apologise for that.
    Now,I come out the toilet and see her dancing next to some guy and droppped down and done the rub up thing,not seriously dirty way then done some bum rubbing dance on his arse too.
    I was drunk so probably over reacted a bit but asked her is she having fun with her new bf?
    She said hes a mate but still I dont want to see my gf doing that with another guy anyway.We had some kind of text arguement where we both said we`ll leave until eventually I talked to her outside and we stuck together for the rest of the night.
    But,the one thing that really pissed me off is her having double standards.We were dancing and her friend was next to us so I grabbed her hand and spun her round and she threw a massive wobbler saying shes gonna show me and shes gonna go dance with loads of guys.
    She didnt but she doesnt seem to give a shit about my feelings in all of this and tried to turn it all back on me.
    Im really not sure about her at the moment.I do really like her but at the same time I have loads of doubts too.
    She used to go out a lot and pull and have one night stands and said that when she gets drunk she wants sex,but what happens when Im not there to go home with her?
    I dont know at the moment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Having a lot of one night stands doesn't make a woman a slut, but I've said before that her behaviour makes me think that she only feels attractive when men want to have sex with her. I've seen it too often in other female friends of mine.

    Her reactions also make me think she's really quite insecure. If a girl's giving you attention then it's because she's ugly, but if she's getting attention from some strangers then she doesn't feel ugly. Bizarre logic, but hey.

    If you can't trust her to behave then you're on a hiding to nothing, though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    her behaviour makes me think that she only feels attractive when men want to have sex with her.

    Yeah,this is true about her.Which is why I have my doubts about when Im not there to go home with her.
    She has said that shes only going to go out when Im out.
    But on the same hand if we go out again and it happens then honestly Im gone.
    I dont want a girl whos going to cause me hassle and upset when theres so many who wouldnt.
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