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Is this unreasonable?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Basically,when my girl goes out I know she used to have a load of one night stands and pull and stuff like that.
Shes quite a flirt.
But is it unreasonable to ask she doesnt dance/dirty grind with other guys?
Personally,I dont like it or the thought of it.Im pretty jealous when it comes to my woman.:D
Is it unreasonable girls?
Before I get slagged though think of it the other way round.
Would you like your boyfriend dancing with some girl and shes grinding her hips and bum all over him,dropping down and rubbing herself back up him?
Shes quite a flirt.
But is it unreasonable to ask she doesnt dance/dirty grind with other guys?
Personally,I dont like it or the thought of it.Im pretty jealous when it comes to my woman.:D
Is it unreasonable girls?
Before I get slagged though think of it the other way round.
Would you like your boyfriend dancing with some girl and shes grinding her hips and bum all over him,dropping down and rubbing herself back up him?
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Comments
I was the same with my ex as. i knew he'd had one night stands and flirted alot with women and didnt treat them with much respect. My current bf, although he might flirt a bit, is alot less like that and whilst i dont much about his sexual past i couldnt imagine him sleeping around alot, so i trust him more
I think that you should ask her to tone it down if you're uncomfortable with it and if she respected your feelings, she would.
She might also say that she's just hvaing fun and it doesnt mean anything which is also a valid point. Flirting can be just harmless fun and she probably doesnt remember or think about the guys she's talked to.
The thing to do is talk to her and explain how you feel and come to a compromise
I cant believe you even have to ask her to stop. I think thats a dumpable offence
Just dont want to come off as overbearing and jealous boyfriend type you know.
Its not when we`re together as I know she wouldnt while I was there but when shes out alone.
Its just I know dirty grinding is one step to kissing and more,in my experience anyway.
And knowing what she used to be like....y`know,one worries.
Im not like in your face jealous or anything,Im always calm and have told her she can go where she wants with who she wants as long as she is totally honest about it with me.
I'm not even slightly jealous or possessive, but I'd be seething if that was my lass doing that. It's completely unacceptable IMHO.
:yes: :yes: :yes:
It's not out of order to be mad about that though! I think it depends on how your relationship is and if theres a strong bond of trust..by the sounds of it, there isn't.
She hasnt done it in front of me while we`re out,not a chance and Id never let her and if she did anyway then,yeah shed be gone.
My main worry is that when shes out alone with her mates she will do it,be really drunk and pull some guy.Thats mainly how Ive always pulled.
Grinding is only one step away in my mind and when two people are both steaming....
Thats my main worry.
If she was just dancing with her mates that's different, but grinding up against complete strangers in nightclubs is really bad. Have you ever talked to her about it, why does she say she does it? I know some women do it because they're insecure and think that they're worth nothing if they don't have male attention all the time, and it can be hard habit to get out of. It doesn't always mean they'd kiss or have sex with the men who are dancing with them, but it's still bad behaviour.
All I'll say is you're an awful lot more tolerant than I would be.
Thats exactly how I feel.
Its not like Im being a hypocrite and going out and doing it myself so she cant throw that at me.
Anything I ask her not to do I dont myself,they are my rules and I live by them too.
Im going to talk to her about it tomorrow,see what she says.
If she cant respect my feelings on this then shes obviously not the girl for me.
But,we`ll see.
Edit: Kinda beaten to it by Kermit
I'm not saying that the OP has no right to be offended by it. Of course he can, and its not posessive at all, probably rational... I'm just shocked at the response that how doing that would be the end all and how totally and completly out of order it is.
Then expect the whole - "Do you want me on a leash then? or You're too obsessive, controlling, smothering yada yada yada"
If she's like this, she'll turn it around making you feel bad for suggesting you don't trust her, or do not want her to have fun. It really worked on me to be honest.
If it was me, and my boyfriend was doing that with girls where I was (or if I wasnt there) it shows blatent disrespect for our relationship. I wouldn't blurt out an argument, but instead sit down and talk to her about it, see if she understands you. If she understands, ask her to calm it down, or only dance with friends or something.. both come to a mature descion about the situation and also open up the floor to anything that maybe bothering her about your actions etc. (this way she won't feel like your making her out to be the bastard of the relationship)
I totally would put a complete and utter halt to a boyfriend even visiting them kinds of 'establishments' - to me it shows disrespect to women and its fine for everyone else but if your in a dedicated relationship with me and know who I am and love me, then you wouldn't entertain the idea of women being treated as meat. I am the same towards male entertainment by the way, just in case you guys start talking!
If your not in a relationship fine, pay some girl to dance on you, or you could go out and meet someone, either a fling or the real thing, why pay for something? -The idea of a guy/girl being bought really messes me in the head.
Anyways I digress, so if the OP was doing this and then expecting his girl not to be somewhat rambunctious then I would say that he was a hypocrite!! but I'm presuming he doesn't !
Hopefully anyways
Ive already said anything I ask her not to do is because I wouldnt do it myself,so if she goes ahead anyway then it says to me she doesnt give a shit about my feelings or our relationship.
Im not worried about her turning it round on me,I`ll just turn it back on her again.How would she like some girl rubbing and grinding all over me?
Im not into lapdances either.:razz:
Going and getting a lapdance when you're in a relationship is completely and utterly wrong too. No matter how much men try and claim it's just entertainment, they're paying money to see something they can get for nothing at home. Sadly stripping seems to have become normalised so a lot of men think it's acceptable and a lot of women feel like prudes for being upset by it.
If someone's in a relationship with me they can dirty dance with me and see me naked. Not some bored girl in a lapdancing club and not some random charver in a nightclub. It's really not that unreasonable to ask for some commitment.
If you ask her to stop, and explain why, and she chooses not to listen then she's clearly not the right woman for you.
To this day it's still the only thing we disagree on. I don't think it's right to grind another guy and she doesn't see the harm (her excuse was that he came up to her first!! :eek2: )
Anyway, she's not done it since which either shows that she knows she was wrong or respects the fact that I didn't like it so doesn't do it anymore. So I would say you're fine to ask her to stop.
As your girlfriend I would think you care for me and I'd feel reassured. That's what a proper bf should be like
Now,honestly I did kind of abandon her and spent too much time with my mates,but I did apologise for that.
Now,I come out the toilet and see her dancing next to some guy and droppped down and done the rub up thing,not seriously dirty way then done some bum rubbing dance on his arse too.
I was drunk so probably over reacted a bit but asked her is she having fun with her new bf?
She said hes a mate but still I dont want to see my gf doing that with another guy anyway.We had some kind of text arguement where we both said we`ll leave until eventually I talked to her outside and we stuck together for the rest of the night.
But,the one thing that really pissed me off is her having double standards.We were dancing and her friend was next to us so I grabbed her hand and spun her round and she threw a massive wobbler saying shes gonna show me and shes gonna go dance with loads of guys.
She didnt but she doesnt seem to give a shit about my feelings in all of this and tried to turn it all back on me.
Im really not sure about her at the moment.I do really like her but at the same time I have loads of doubts too.
She used to go out a lot and pull and have one night stands and said that when she gets drunk she wants sex,but what happens when Im not there to go home with her?
I dont know at the moment.
Her reactions also make me think she's really quite insecure. If a girl's giving you attention then it's because she's ugly, but if she's getting attention from some strangers then she doesn't feel ugly. Bizarre logic, but hey.
If you can't trust her to behave then you're on a hiding to nothing, though.
Yeah,this is true about her.Which is why I have my doubts about when Im not there to go home with her.
She has said that shes only going to go out when Im out.
But on the same hand if we go out again and it happens then honestly Im gone.
I dont want a girl whos going to cause me hassle and upset when theres so many who wouldnt.