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Help..someone plz help.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok, never been gd at tellin people things but here goes...
Im really confused and scared because someone in my family touched me inappopriatly and now i dont know wht to do. I dont know if its my fault and maybe i brought it on myself but i really dont know wht do. Sometimes i just wnt to fall asleep and hope tht i wont wake up. Im really scared and i need someone to tell me wht to do. Can anyone help?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Please don't for any longer think you brought it on yourself the only person responsible for this is the person that did it to you. Do you have an adult that you can trust that you can tell about this? Please Don't suffer in silence.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oh, honey. *hugs*

    whatever events or conversations led up to this, you did not bring it on yourself or deserve it. the person who did this to you did something unforgivable, and you must be hurting so badly. i think you're being really brave to come and ask for help.

    have you told anyone else about what happened? i can understand not wanting to tell a family member but do you have any older friends or anyone at school or college you could talk to? maybe a teacher you trust? it's really important that you don't keep this to yourself, you need people's support.

    make sure you express how you are feeling in some way, whether that be by writing poetry or a diary or drawing or singing or anything like that. don't keep it all pent up inside. what are you scared of? is it the fear of it happening again, or the fear of someone finding out?

    Childline are a really good organisation, they are freephone and if you ring off your house phone the number won't be shown on the bill, so you don't need to worry about your parents knowing you have called. they have lots of contacts too who they can suggest. there's also the Samaritans who you can call or email if you need someone to talk to.

    i really hope you manage to tell someone what has happened sweetheart, you've been so brave to tell us. you don't have to get through it alone.
    take care x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Hugs*

    It is 3million percent not your fault. As "lea uk"said it is the person who did it to yous fault.

    But you have to find someone who you can tell and can do something about it, even if the person you tell just listens you have to find someone. It will help.
    But please don't even think it was your fault.

    Lets us know how your getting on.

    *Hugs*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    re

    Hi Emma93,

    Sorry to hear that youve had this experience and thank you for feeling you could share this with the forum. Like lea_uk and omg hi have suggested are there any adults you could speak to about this?such as a teacher or family member.
    Organisations such as Childline and the NSPCC are trained to help with the issues youve brought up. You know where we are if you want to share again. keep posting,:yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thnx for all the help guys its made me feel a lot better. I tried to tell teacher but because im under 16 they said tht if i told them anythin and they thought i was in harms way they would report it. I just feel a bit low sometimes but i will get over it soon cause lifes a bitch and you just need to get on with it i guess:). If it happens again then i try and tell someone i need to try and get over it myself cause im nearly and adult now and i need to grow up!

    Thnkx anyway..x:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Plz tell me why they are will take me away from my family. My teacher explained tht if she thought i was in danger then the police would take me away and i wouldnt be able to see my family:crying: . I just wnt to know why i dont understand, they use all these big words and say tht it should never of happened and i all ready know tht but they cant take me away can they? They keep tellin me its because im still a child and they have to look after me but if im taken away then i dont wnt to live anymore and i swear to god i will kill myself. Im so scared i just wnt it all to go away i, hate this. I can take care of myself im not a child. I just wnt to make it all stop. Im so scared and i know its all my fault cause i told my friend and she said tht it was probably my fault and i know i shouldnt complain to you guys and im sorry i really am but i will do anythin just to make it all better and like it never happened. If this is wht the real world is like then i dont wnt to be here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im really sorry for dumpin all this on you guys but i didnt really know wht else to do. I tried tlkin to my biology teacher and my maths teacher but they both gave the same long speech with all these big words in it (its like it was made up just to confuse kids!) and if i tell them anythin in confidence they will try their best to keep it to themselves but if they think im in danger they will tell guidance and then the CPO in the school and i cant risk tht.

    I know you all say tht it wasnt my fault but i did tell a friend and they told me tht it could be my fault cause of the way i am. I reall didnt understand it but maybe it is true.

    We have all these lessons in PSE tellin us how bad it is to hide abuse but until it is actually you then you really dont understand. Im basicaly stuck between a rock and a hard place! If i tell then people find out and things will change in my family and i could be taken away, but if i dont tell then i have to live with it but then life can go on as normal for everyone else and it would only be me tht would hve to deal with it.

    I dont know wht to do. Maybe my teacher is ryt, I am still a child and i do need someone to look out for me
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello,

    Your friend is wrong if an adult inappropriately touched you it is ALWAYS the adults fault and never the childs.

    Without knowing the circumstances of who touched you and how they are related to you its hard to say exactly what social services will do, but its likely that they will want to meet you and talk to you about what happened and if its appropriate meet with your parents and speak to them as well and then decide to take things from there - it is by no means guarenteed that they will immediately take you away unless they think that you are in immediate harm. If its a one off incident then its unlikely - if something awful is happening to you every day then they might considier intervention - but noone can make any promises about what will and won't happen to start with.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry to hear about th situation you are going through. It might be worth explaining exactly what the situation is and what you've already said?

    For starters you need to be speaking to someone else other than the teacher you've spoken to and your friend, as clearly neither are helping you deal with the situation. It certainly seems like they don't really know what would happen.

    For starters the situation about where you live has nothing to do with the police, I'm hoping that might be a misunderstanding between what the teacher has said and how you're presenting it. It's an easy mistake to make but it should be a member of social services who works with child protection that would be able to help with any change in living conditions, and that wouldn't be something that would automatically happen.

    Where someone is vulnerable to abuse the most important thing is your safety and your comfort. If, and only if, it wouldn't be safe to be where you are then the people involved in helping you deal with the situation could look for other relatives you could stay with in the short term or look to making sure that the person involved is no longer able to do this - rather than taking you away from your family.

    The way you describe it makes it sound like the police would come and arrest you for something and that isn't the case. You're the one who needs help and to live in a better situation, you've not done anything wrong - and anything that has happened isn't your fault.

    It's great to see you discussing the situation with a teacher but if that person isn't helping and is telling you things that scare you when you do try to talk about it, then it might be worth finding someone else to discuss the situation with.

    It's really important to realise that being grown up doesn't mean being able to deal with everything by yourself, it can often mean exactly the opposite. Everyone needs help and support at times and the services out there are geared towards providing exactly that. By calling them you aren't causing problems, you're allowing them to do what they are there for.

    So, as other people have mentioned, please consider calling Childline, 0800 11 11, or the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000.

    If you don't feel you can call from home and don't have any credit on a mobile then there is a service called Get Connected. It's a freephone number, even on mobiles and can put you through to any helpine in the UK. Their number is 0808 808 4994.

    I hope those numbers help Emma, they are confidential so you can speak to them initially to discuss the situation and maybe get what your options are explained better.

    So, please consider calling and to reassure people reading this thread let us know how it goes when you call.

    I'm sure we're all hoping you can get help you need to deal with this situation in a way that is comfortable for you and to make sure this doesn't happen again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really hope you don't mind me asking but who was it who touched you? I mean, is it someone who's living with you or someone who visits? If it's someone who just visits, then there's no reason why you'd be moved out. If you live with this person, then obviously the situation won't be allowed to continue, but that's really for the best.

    I know it's easier for someone like me to say, but if you've been sexually abused, you really can't let the abuser get away with it. For a start, if they feel they can get away with it once, they may try again. And who says this person will only target you and not anyone else they know who's either vunerable or in this persons trust?

    I know making a complaint is scary and it'll cause a lot of controversey within your family but this isn't your fault. This person had no right abusing you and they must face the consequences.

    And please, stop apologizing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi

    I phoned childline and they tlked to me about wht happened and i feel a lot better now. I understand tht i wasnt my fault, kinda, and now i can start to really get over it. I need to focus on my future so now i have started to concentrate on studyin for my exam (oh the joys:) ).

    thnx for all the kind words:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Help, im so scared:crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What's happened?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    someone in my family touched me inapprpiatly and i thought i was over it but im so scared cause its happenin again
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You mentioned you'd rung childline before. Could you ring them again. Having gone through abuse with a family member before, I understand how scary this can be - especially when you think it is over. However, what is most important is your safety. Talking to someone does not necessarily mean that you will be taken from your home -this depends on the circumstances - the nature of the abuse, the relationship to you, etc. By talking and asking for help you allow people to help you who have the facilities to do so. You say you're scared and obviously don't want this to keep on happening and this can be stopped if you can talk to someone - a teacher, childline, etc.

    I'm assuming you live with the person. Is it just you or are there other family members living with you and this person?

    It is definitely not your fault - please realise this, no matter what anyone tells you to make it seem like it is ok to hurt you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Who is it that's doing it to you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I tried tllkin to childline but i just couldnt do it. I tried to get over it myself and i thought i was doin ok but i just cant seem to forget it.
    I dont know wht to do anymore:crying:

    I know i should stop feelin sorry for myself and i dont mean to cause there are alot more people out there with bigger problems than me.

    I know the person who did this should be punished but i still feel tht i should protect them cause they are family.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I completely understand the loyalty thing - that's a very normal reaction when someone close to you hurts you. Please rest assured that no-one thinks you are feeling sorry for yourself, and equally no-one thinks your problems are unimportant.

    Well done for trying to talk to childline. When I have rung in the past I found it helpful not to immediately say what was bothering me. I told the advisor that I had something important to say, but then asked them to just chat with me. That way I felt more at ease and the adviser knew something was wrong and could ask me questions to save me having to just come out with it myself.

    Does anyone else know what this person is doing to you. If so could you have them there as support when you feel ready to ring childline again.

    There is a very useful web resource http://there4me.co.uk/home/index.asp which allows you to talk to a childline counsellor 1-2-1 on live webchat or through private messaging. So this could be a way forward if you don't feel ready to talk to someone over the phone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry to hear your story it is not nice to have family do things they should never do. Who is doing this to you? You cannot let this go on. Maybe phone the childline number again...what response did you get from them the first time? Tell them that it has happened again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it someone who lives in the same house as you?

    is it a parent?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I never tlked to any1 at childline. I only dialed the number and then hung up.

    I feel so angry all the time and i hate myself and i dont know wht to do anymore.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    emma93 wrote: »
    Hi

    I phoned childline and they tlked to me about wht happened and i feel a lot better now. I understand tht i wasnt my fault, kinda, and now i can start to really get over it. I need to focus on my future so now i have started to concentrate on studyin for my exam (oh the joys:) ).

    thnx for all the kind words:)
    emma93 wrote: »
    I never tlked to any1 at childline. I only dialed the number and then hung up.

    I feel so angry all the time and i hate myself and i dont know wht to do anymore.

    :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm guessing that means after it happened again, not the first time they called.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aye, my bad. I remembered the earlier post from days ago, and missed most of the new replies after hitting "mark forums read".

    My apologies. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really dont know wht to do anymore. Im so scared of the consequences. Sometimes i get so angry and overwhelmed tht i just start to cry for no reason.

    I feel so stupid and i cant be dealin with this right now because my exams are startin on thursday and thts me for five weeks. I really dont know wht to do. I know im rantin on so feel free to tell me to shut up btw.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is there a teacher who you get on well with who you would trust to confide in?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is there a way for you to get out and stay over at someones house, like an aunty and uncles house while you have your exams? It could take some stress off of you (assuming, its not your uncle whos doing this to you, and that its someone in your household thats doing this terrible thing to you)
    It could be a great oppotunity for you to talk to someone about this, you really need to let someone know whats happening, you cant let this go on.....and just keep thinking its not your fault :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have cant speak to any of the teachers cause i am on study leave for the next 5 weeks.

    I could try and go to my grans to stay but i have to be at my work for quarter past 5 in the mornin and my gran lives about 20 minutes away and i wouldnt be allowed to go cause my mum says she doesnt wnt me wlkin all tht way in the dark.

    I will just need to grit my teeth and get on with it. If it happens again well thts life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    emma93 wrote: »
    I have cant speak to any of the teachers cause i am on study leave for the next 5 weeks.

    I could try and go to my grans to stay but i have to be at my work for quarter past 5 in the mornin and my gran lives about 20 minutes away and i wouldnt be allowed to go cause my mum says she doesnt wnt me wlkin all tht way in the dark.

    I will just need to grit my teeth and get on with it. If it happens again well thts life.

    You saying all this as if being molestered is a stage of life that eveyone goes through, you cant act so causual about thing that is so serious. You need to reach out to someone that could help, just because this person is doing it to you, doesnt stop this person from doing it to another family member, ask for help, not only for yourself, but for others.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    emma93 wrote: »

    I will just need to grit my teeth and get on with it. If it happens again well thts life.

    No it isnt and shouldnt be.

    IF this person is your dad or brother, can you talk to your mum? Do you think sge would listen?
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