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Please.. i need your help. Anyone, please.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi... my name is Leah.
I don't really know how to start.. i never thought about doing something as public as this, but... this is going too far.
Me and my father used to have a perfect Father Daughter relationship. We'd laugh together, embarass each other infront of our friends, go for walks with the dog together.. and i was happy.

..but not anymore.

I have just turned 13 and I am having problems. When I was twelve, I went into a state of depression. I'd just cry and cut myself. That's all I'd do. Occasionally i'd listen to music but that never did me much good - Just made me cry more. :(
The last time I cut myself was about a month ago, until now. My father just came home from work early, saying he'd had a row with his boss. I automatically knew this meant trouble as there has been quite a few redundancies in his workplace recently. He explained everything to me and the outcome of this arguement isn't looking good. I went into the kitchen to do something, and ended up comfort eating a pear. When i was done, i used the knife i'd cut the pear with and ran it across my arm a few times, nothing too deep.
Now one of the cuts is burning and it feels good even though I know it shouldnt. I feel the urge to cut myself more and more. I feel like i just want to bleed and pass out and die alone in my room.

Someone please tell me what to do, i'm at a despair :crying:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hasn't your dad noticed you're self-harming? Also, have you been getting treatment for your depression? If not, you probably really should.

    Is there anything else worrying you - school, for example?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My dad has not noticed. I told my mother about it once and she thinks I only did it one time, she said to me 'Oh my god, you're cutting youself?! Leah only crazy people do that!!' and i wanted to just scream at her and tell her she was wrong.
    Thing is, I haven't been diagnosed with depression.. but with some people, you just know, know what I mean? So i'm not getting any treatment. My mother thinks im happy and so does my father. I'm afraid to approach them and just say 'Hey, look, can we please go to the doctor and get me tested for depression?' because they'll just laugh at me and say 'There's no need, you're fine!'
    Depression is, apparently, genetic. My mother had very severe depression in her teens so I have a theory about that... but there is nothing else bothering me. This is not the first time my dad has made me cry. Two nights ago i ended my streak of crying every night (the streak went on for 9 nights) but it started up again last night and I have no idea why. I just began to cry.

    Is there something wrong with me? :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My dad has not noticed. I told my mother about it once and she thinks I only did it one time, she said to me 'Oh my god, you're cutting youself?! Leah only crazy people do that!!' and i wanted to just scream at her and tell her she was wrong.
    Thing is, I haven't been diagnosed with depression.. but with some people, you just know, know what I mean? So i'm not getting any treatment. My mother thinks im happy and so does my father. I'm afraid to approach them and just say 'Hey, look, can we please go to the doctor and get me tested for depression?' because they'll just laugh at me and say 'There's no need, you're fine!'
    Depression is, apparently, genetic. My mother had very severe depression in her teens so I have a theory about that... but there is nothing else bothering me. This is not the first time my dad has made me cry. Two nights ago i ended my streak of crying every night (the streak went on for 9 nights) but it started up again last night and I have no idea why. I just began to cry.

    Is there something wrong with me? :(

    Speak to a GP, pet, or go see a counsillor. Or both. Sounds to me like you could us it :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Surely your mother should understand, if she's suffered from severe depression in the past.

    Besides, can't you make a doctor's appointment on your own, if you don't want your parents involved?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats a good point, but i wouldn't know how to get out of the house without making them wonder where im going. The closest doctors surgery is half a mile away, which is about 20 minutes walking distance, and I could get there, get checked up and get back within two hours. But do you have any ideas of what i could say to my parents, like where im going and the reason for the amount of time i'll be? Or to the receptionist over the phone that will be wanting to know If i have a parent or guardian who will come with me?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats a good point, but i wouldn't know how to get out of the house without making them wonder where im going. The closest doctors surgery is half a mile away, which is about 20 minutes walking distance, and I could get there, get checked up and get back within two hours. But do you have any ideas of what i could say to my parents, like where im going and the reason for the amount of time i'll be? Or to the receptionist over the phone that will be wanting to know If i have a parent or guardian who will come with me?

    Don't you have school at the moment? Why not arrange an appointment for during your lunch hour, or for after school.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im in the middle of the easter holidays right now and have to stay at home to look after my brother, not that he needs looking after. He just builds on my stress because i can't be with my friends because he 'needs looking after'. I don't get let out of school in the lunch hour and i live 4 miles from my school so need to catch a bus home, which causes a problem because my parents see me almost the second I step off the bus.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im in the middle of the easter holidays right now and have to stay at home to look after my brother, not that he needs looking after. He just builds on my stress because i can't be with my friends because he 'needs looking after'. I don't get let out of school in the lunch hour and i live 4 miles from my school so need to catch a bus home, which causes a problem because my parents see me almost the second I step off the bus.

    How old is your brother? You're too young to be looking after anyone!

    Why not talk to you dad about it? Tell him you'd like to go and speak to someone about how you're feeling. That way you don't have to give him the details, but he knows that you need support. He'll be able to take you to and from the GP and he doesn't need to know anything that went on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are your parents as controlling as you're suggesting they are? I mean, can't you see friends outside of school or anything?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats a good idea but i'd much rather talk to my mother, i feel she'd understand more.

    and it does feel like my parents are controlling, but they aren't in reality. It's just how I feel.
    Thing is, though, if i do go and see my friends outside of school, then I have to leave my brother alone in the house. Which i haven't ever done and cannot do, for more than just the one reason. I'd be eaten by guilt if anything happened to him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats a good idea but i'd much rather talk to my mother, i feel she'd understand more.

    Okay, great. Then have a cuppa and chat with your mum and then see how things go. Hopefully she'll be happy to arrange something with your GP.

    Let us know how you get on :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank you so much, hopefully your suggestions will help me to get on better in life and deal with my feelings in a better way :):)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Let us know what you decide.

    And Good Luck! ^-^
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