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Help me, i am so sick of being alone.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

My names bryan, i have ALOT of issues in my life that nothing seems to be solving, im a bipolar loser who hates being in love.

Yeah so im bipolar, i have really bad mood "swings" and i feel my girlfriend is getting the brunt of it, she's cheated on me 5 times and i feel its all my fault for being myself. She says shes sorry and everything and im trying to make a go of it with her, but i feel shes going to just go back to them, because she doesnt get any of the shit or abuse she gets with me, but its going to crush me again, we had a argument this morning and i didnt even say sorry as she got on the bus and now im not going to see her again, until 4 if at all, i cant get in touch with her, i jsut feel so alone, ive had to take time off work to try and sort myself out if anything i feel worse than before, and now ive got work tomorrow and i cant face it, it doesnt help me by "keeping me busy" it just means i have to hold everything back while im at work but it interferes and then i cant work and then i might get sacked, and i just want someone to talk to who can maybe understand me, people say they do now but there just being empathetic, as soon as something happens say i snap at my girlfriend (althought its no excuse) she goes back to the old ways of insulting me, instead of cuddling me, and i insult her, i call her fat.

I never used to and i hate myself for it everytime, but after we split up before with everything she did to me, i never could hurt her, i mean no matter what i did, it just didnt bother her, so she has this control over my life and i have nothing over hers, i just want to die. Cause then i dont have to miss her so much, and think what she might be upto when she's out.

She cant truly love me or she wouldnt have done what she did, 5 times..

and thats what hurts the most knowing in myself no matter what she says that she doesnt truly love me, id never cheat on her, ever. I wouldnt ever want to hurt her like that, please i just need someone to understand me..

ive been up since 7 since she left just crying and worrying and wondering should i go to her college, or will i find something id rather not.

Ill include something i was asked to write by a therapist of mine.

i find talking to professionals doesnt help, they dont understand.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its hard when you love someone to let go even though you know it may be for the best.

    Do you think that maybe you should break up and concentrate on yourself more?? at the moment its you that is important not your girlfriend.

    i dont think you should go to her college because that may agravate the situation but its it your decsion no one can make for you.

    i think she does love you she just doesnt kno how to handel your situation.

    You should not hate yourself i know its easy for me to say that but i think you are a brave and caring person, every one has ther ups and downs but things will work its self out.

    i hope you sort you situation out keep replying and update i will listen to you :) promise
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont want to break up with her, shes all ive got. Without her my life means nothing. Infact she is about the only thing stopping me from going over the edge
    im not going to her college, scared of what i may find....to be honest what i dont know cant hurt me right now, god i love her, all i want is to be able to trust her again, she says i can, even if i can, i cant in myself, we talked about kids and marriage and all that seems dead now.
    I just want to be dead, not to feel different just to not feel..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you believe without her your life will be nothing right..but how do you know??

    ending your life really is not the answer i kno i have been there and done that but you know what i came out stronger than i thought i would..

    do you honistly think that what you dont know will not hurt you?? you will find it really will hurt you in the long run because you will find out sooner or later..i think you really need to concentrate on yourself without any other problems accouring..

    i understand what you say about feelings some times its easier if you didnt feel anything for anyone..but without them feelings you would not have found the person you say is your soul mate.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Hi phoenix 2105,:)

    It sounds like you have alot on your plate at the moment, from what you've writen in the forum and the letter for your therapist. you also sound very articluate and honest in how things are and how your really feel so well done for that, it is not always the easiest thing to do. it sounds like you need to sit down with your girlfriend and talk about these underlying feelings and insecurites that are affecting your work and relationship.
    Although you're seeing a therapist, im just wondering how long this has been for?therapy and the therapeutic relationship take time to build up and the process itself can be an emotional one, may this be having any impact on how your feeling at the moment?

    i hope these questions help.

    keep posting:wave:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    siesta time and i got pylonidal disease

    dont worry, mate, i got it worse and still smile and send it all to hell, yeahhhhhhhhhhh

    i overlooked yur story and see there have been some sexual abuse, or some years of it to be exact........ jesus, ppl should be more careful with what they do with their bodies and will........ it can absolutely devastate a childs life..... but never mind, u can still make it

    so i will read the whole document and see if i can find some conclusion.....

    bye bye.... and remember, in one hundred years, we shall all be bald :love:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mate, seriously? This girl is a twat. DUMP HER NOW. What good points does she have? None by the sounds of it, she's just wrecking you internally. It sounds as though you are just scared of being alone but honeslty it won't be as bad as you think, it'll hurt for a few weeks then after that you'll wonder why you didnt do it sooner.

    Consider your posting here the turning point in your life, if you beleive and act confidently you will come accross as a strong confident person and your life wil definately take a turn for the better. Get out and see daylight, go take part in some activities, keep yourself so busy that your 'ex' wont even get a second thought due to your unbelievably busy schedule.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry mate

    sorry, brian, shouldnt have be so euphoric and so frank

    you dont have to be a loser and in fact i dont believe youre one

    cheer up

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