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Cant take it anymore.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I dont know if im just whining or moaning or what, but i feel like i just have to say how i feel.
Ive never got along well with my dad, he has always had a short temper, no patience and been selfish, but in the last few years he's got worse. When i was 7 he got a divorce from my mum because they couldnt stand eachother, i remember trying to sleep and hearing them scream at eachother downstairs and it scared me. At first i had no problem seeing him every weekend, monday nights and wednesdays, but as it went on i wanted to see him less and less.
He has no patience, so if i did something wrong he would hit me, and blame me for everything that was going wrong at the time. He was controling, never leting me go out on the weekends because it was "his day" to be with my brother and me, and acted like we were terrible if we wanted to go out.
As i got older, now im able tostand up to him to a certain extent, i can argue back and act like im not afraid of him when really im terrified.
Not long ago i found out that when he was with my mum, one night he lost it and started beating her up, hitting her and shouting, and the next day my mum recieved a letter from the solicitors, saying that she had attacked him. I told my dad i had found out about this and he truely lost it, he started yelling and screaming and denying it, saying i was a liar.
I went through a time where i told my mum i didnt want to see him and managed to not have to visit him for 2 months, but somehow i felt bad and started seeing him again.
Now i dont know what to do. i know it would be better if i didnt see him, and i know my mum doesnt want us to, but my brother is too young to understand, if my dad shouts he forgets, so i have no idea what to do.
If anyone has anyadvice i would really aprriciate it, Thanks.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Ally :wave:

    I know you have only posted a few times, so welcome to The Site - hopefully you will find the support that you are looking for here. It is a really friendly community and there are lots of people on here you can share your experiences with.

    It's really important that you do what ever you feel is right for you. It sound's like you have made your mind up that you do not want to see your Dad at the moment. That is your right and your decision. Try not to feel bad about that. It seems like the only thing making you continue to see your Dad is your younger brother. However, your brother will make his own decisions in time, just as you have. That is his journey. Maybe it's time to concentrate on yours? How would it feel for you to not see your Dad, but your brother to continue seeing him?

    It seems like your Dad has some anger problems and it may be that he needs to get some help for that.

    Saying that you don't want to see your Dad at the moment, does not mean that you can't build a relationship with him in the future if that is what you want. But, you should cross that bridge when you come to it.

    How do you feel about talking to someone confidentially about these issues? If you are under 19 years old you could call Childline - 0800 11 11, or you could try the Samaritans - 08457 90 90 90. There are people there trained to listen and help you explore some options. Likewise, the information pages on The Site have loads of great advice and personal accounts that could help you at the moment. The one on family may be a place to start?

    Try to stay focussed on what is right for you. Keep posting and take care - :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey Ally

    i agree with harry23, you do need to do what is right for you and no one has the right to tell you other wise, it is your mind your life and you have the right to do what you feel at the time is right for you. If you think that not seeing your dad is right for you do not see him, i know you care about your brother and just has harry23 said he will make his own mind up when he is older for what is right for him. Do not feel bad because of how you feel about the situation its not your fault.

    if you do something that you really do not want to do then it will make you unhappy which is not good, you should see your dad because you want to not because you feel you have too.

    Hope you sort out your problem :)
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