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Gran has died

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
She's been ill for a long time and has been dying for a few weeks.

I'm relieved that it's finally happened but also a bit in shock I think because we've been waiting for it for so long, that it's a bit hard to take in.

I'm more upset than I thought I'd be as well. And worried about my mum cos I don't think it's really sunk in for her yet and I'm really fucking rubbish at comforting people.

What's more upsetting is that over a week ago my mum and her sister and one of her brothers went up to Gran's old people's home for a meeting about her care etc etc and they'd all agreed to no resusatation and whatnot. Today the weekend staff found her and were trying resusation and called an ambulance who came and tried as well and gave her an adrenalin shot and got 'a sign of life'... She was DOA at the hospital... But this shouldn't have happened. I hope she wasn't aware of the drama going on... I guess not cos I think she'd been dead a fair few minutes before they found her... But we didn't want all of that and I hate the thought of them trying to get her to come round. We just wanted her to die peacefully in her sleep, which is what would have happened if they'd sorted out their paperwork and let the weekend staff know.

I'm feeling all weid.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hope she went peacefully.

    Love to you and your family.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Really sorry to hear that Lu_C, grief is a terrible thing and everyone deals with it in their unique way and no way ir right or wrong. I think if you can, it can help sometimes to talk about it with others whether they knew her or not. Certainly with people who were also close to your gran you can share the grief almost, but even asides from that just friends and such it can be really beneficial to get things off your chest instead of holding it inside you which can be damaging. Although there isn't an obligation to talk about it if you don't want to.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is there is no right or wrong way to feel about it or deal with it, an similarly there is no right or wrong way to behave around your mum and family.

    Much love
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aww im so sorry to hear at least she at peace and in no pain now may she R.I.P :angel: X
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    Sorry to hear :( *hug*
    Let's live and remember her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *big hug*
    really sorry to hear that. just try and remember all the fun times, it will seem painful at first but time will begin to heal it. Remember to talk to people if you feel sad too and that just because the person's gone doesn't mean they are forgotten.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm so very sorry to hear that hun :( :heart: Thoughts are with you and your family!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the messages all of you.

    It's a bit surreal still and I don't think it's really going to hit until the funeral - although that's not going to be for another couple of weeks because of family flying back from various lands.

    My stomach feels like it's in a knot though and I've not eaten much at all this past couple of days which isn't good - I can only assume that's hidden emotions... although I did get really pissed saturday night so it might be a prolonged hangover.

    I should maybe try and have a good cry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lu_C wrote: »
    Thanks for the messages all of you.

    It's a bit surreal still and I don't think it's really going to hit until the funeral - although that's not going to be for another couple of weeks because of family flying back from various lands.

    My stomach feels like it's in a knot though and I've not eaten much at all this past couple of days which isn't good - I can only assume that's hidden emotions... although I did get really pissed saturday night so it might be a prolonged hangover.

    I should maybe try and have a good cry.

    A good cry and a good cuppa can do wonders :)

    Be better soon.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    so sorry for ur lost...
    hope u feel better soon...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm so sorry Lu_c. take good care of yourself.
    :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there, i am so sorry for your loss, may she rest in peace. Dealing with death may help you, losing someone is very hard, yet time is always a healer. xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry for your loss Lu_C :(

    I know it might not help just now but i'm sure in the future you'll take comfort in the fact you knew her. I sometimes think how lucky i am to have grandparents growing up, most of my friends grandparents either died before they were born or when they were really young.

    Hope the funeral goes ok and your gran gets the send off you all want for her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Gotta say im sorry to hear about this, it really took the wind out of my sails when my grandad died a year a so back.

    I hadnt had chance to see him before he passed away, this is something I regret bitterly. I had booked a week off to see him, and he died 3 weeks before that.
    Anyway im not going to to go into it anymore on here.

    There isnt a lot I can say that makes it any better or easier for you, I still hear and see things now and think 'I must mention that to grandad' then realise I cant, before this would have upset me,
    But now I just smile and chuckle to myself at the thought that I know we would have had a laugh together about it.


    So id urge the rest of you who do put off visiting your relations to do it as they wont be around forever. And if they say they are fine etc don?t always take that at face value.

    All the best for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Stu lil wrote: »
    I still hear and see things now and think 'I must mention that to grandad' then realise I cant,

    Unfortunatly (or fortunatly I guess), this isn't something that's happening now... My Gran lots her marbles years ago so she didn't even know who I was for the past 5 or 6 years.

    But like my mum said; when someone has dementia you never really get a point in their illness where you can grieve for the person that's gone because they're still there, just not themselves... So in a way we're greiving for someone who was lost to us many years ago. It's all very odd.

    But thanks again for all your kind messages.
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