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I need help (sorry if i have posted it in the wrong forum)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Im 18 and i made the most hardest desicsion of telling my boyfriend for 1 year that most of the time we have sex i cannot orgasm and i sometimes fake it (I couldn't really put it in any others words).

When i told him he said it did upset him but he was ok with it, now every two minuets he's arguing and bringing it up and worst of all last night he said that "He just gives me sex to shut me up"

i don't know what to do becasue he keeps bringing it up and using it as an excuse to shout at me, and its ripping me apart and i wish i had never told him :[

can anyone help me???

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats a hard one.

    Understandibly, he's going to be really hurt, and the has every right to be...you lied to him.

    i really don't think he would have been ok with it. I know if i was going out with a girl and she was faking it, i'd be in bits.

    by him bringing it up all the time, he's trying to make you feel some of the hurt that he feel - thats not right, but its one of these silly things us humans do to try and balance out our own emotions.

    I think you probably need to sit down and air all the grievances on both sides, be prepared to be hurt yourself, but you both need to stop lying about anything like this - it will cripple your relationship.

    and once you've sorted that lot out, why not the look at why you don't orgasm. do you take medication for anything? because that can affect it.
    can you orgasm on your own? maybe you just need to find something that works for the both of you.

    tbh, you have got yourself in a huge whole, but its good you have been honest because its never a good idea to lie about something so intimate in a relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At the same time, whilst he's understandably upset, he should be wondering why you're not having orgasms.
    Is it you or him? Do you communicate enough and on the flipside, does he listen to you? Maybe he thinks what he's doing is right and it's just not pushing your buttons, in which case that's something you can both work on.

    Speaking as a guy, giving orgasms is one of the greatest rushes I can think of. If I fail, I try and figure out why for the next time. But I've only been with women that aren't afraid to say and instruct exactly what they want.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well we did talk about it and i know how it hurts i was in tears when i told him because i did feel like a iwas betraying him by lying. We did have a chat about it and it was me in the end becasue i had allways been on my own before i was with him, i did it to myself a lot and im not really intouch with my "inner self" so to speak i am on the pill aswell but i doubt that stops anything. We are going to try different positions to see if we can help anything, he is still slightly iffy with me but i cannot blame him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Girly_Boxers wrote: »
    Well we did talk about it and i know how it hurts i was in tears when i told him because i did feel like a iwas betraying him by lying. We did have a chat about it and it was me in the end becasue i had allways been on my own before i was with him, i did it to myself a lot and im not really intouch with my "inner self" so to speak i am on the pill aswell but i doubt that stops anything. We are going to try different positions to see if we can help anything, he is still slightly iffy with me but i cannot blame him.

    You do know that many girls cannot orgasm during penetration without extra clitoral stimulation? Please don't feel disappointed about this, just use it as an excuse to try different ways of stimulating yourself, toys, hands, tongues etc!

    The most important thing is that you and your boyfriend talk about it... you can understand why he was upset so the best thing to do now is be honest with him from here on in... tell/show him what feels good! Take your time and enjoy finding the orgasm... This may sound a little bit odd but don't concentrate too much on the destination, enjoy the journey instead!
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Splodgey wrote: »

    The most important thing is that you and your boyfriend talk about it... you can understand why he was upset so the best thing to do now is be honest with him from here on in... tell/show him what feels good! Take your time and enjoy finding the orgasm... This may sound a little bit odd but don't concentrate too much on the destination, enjoy the journey instead!

    :thumb:
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