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Dumped at distance
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello there,
I thought it would help me a bit to talk my problem through here with you. I hope you dont mind.
I was with my gf for almost two years. 6 months ago she went to study to London for one year and I began studying medicine. The travel distance was almost 5 hours. My parents are severely ill (cancer, hemiplegia). Since she left I haven't had any positive thougths, however I had this problem earlier as well. I have been always insecure and sometimes I would just sit down and wouldnt talk to her, because she was happy around her friends in a pub or whatever. (it sounds ridiculous even to me now)
After she had left I was unable to send her a nice sms, always accusing her that she was having fun and I had to study hard, that she was seeing someone or didnt love me anymore. I was always seeking for reassurance and had really low self-esteem, saying for example that I couldnt cope with the stress at school, that it is too hard, or that her former boyfriends must have had to be better partners than me. I kept asking if she wanted to stay with me.
When I came to visit her I was unable to be nice. I took offence at everything she said to me even when she just wanted to help me. I could end up not speaking to her for hours. However we spent a nice week in the Alps (although I was very nervous about the upcoming exams) together but then I came to visit her once more for two weeks and I kept talking about myself again and once, we went to a club and I refused to dance with her and danced alone with another group of people, I just dont know why, just because she had said something critical about me.
I realised I had some serious problems with myself and began visiting a psychotherapist, but then she called me on Skype that she would be in London over the summer holidays and I reacted like I had been betrayed. A week after she dumped me because I had been too pessimistic and she couldnt feel it anymore, she thought I had been too weak and she couldnt protect me any longer and that we would never get together again. Now, I am seeing a clinical psychologist and she found out that I might have some anxiety disorder (I didnt mention I had been crying a lot and thinking about suicide even when we were together) and I began taking Zoloft. Do you think we will get back together again?
It seems that there was something wrong with me all the time and I could even feel it but couldnt control it even before I met her and she really seemed to be so in love with me before it got worse and she was always reassuring even when I acted like an idiot after she had left. I think she just couldnt stand it anymore. But she said she had been already thinking about the breakup for a few months prior to the breakup.
I just dont understand it. We were a perfect match, really. And before she left we had been so in love and so happy. I think I screw it up. The way we got together was so romantic and we had known each other for 6 years because we had been in the same class and I spent a lot of time with her family as well. I miss that all.
I am sorry, I am pessimistic again. It seems that the Zoloft doesnt work very much. I will be very glad if someone posts a reply. Thank you and have a nice day.
I thought it would help me a bit to talk my problem through here with you. I hope you dont mind.
I was with my gf for almost two years. 6 months ago she went to study to London for one year and I began studying medicine. The travel distance was almost 5 hours. My parents are severely ill (cancer, hemiplegia). Since she left I haven't had any positive thougths, however I had this problem earlier as well. I have been always insecure and sometimes I would just sit down and wouldnt talk to her, because she was happy around her friends in a pub or whatever. (it sounds ridiculous even to me now)
After she had left I was unable to send her a nice sms, always accusing her that she was having fun and I had to study hard, that she was seeing someone or didnt love me anymore. I was always seeking for reassurance and had really low self-esteem, saying for example that I couldnt cope with the stress at school, that it is too hard, or that her former boyfriends must have had to be better partners than me. I kept asking if she wanted to stay with me.
When I came to visit her I was unable to be nice. I took offence at everything she said to me even when she just wanted to help me. I could end up not speaking to her for hours. However we spent a nice week in the Alps (although I was very nervous about the upcoming exams) together but then I came to visit her once more for two weeks and I kept talking about myself again and once, we went to a club and I refused to dance with her and danced alone with another group of people, I just dont know why, just because she had said something critical about me.
I realised I had some serious problems with myself and began visiting a psychotherapist, but then she called me on Skype that she would be in London over the summer holidays and I reacted like I had been betrayed. A week after she dumped me because I had been too pessimistic and she couldnt feel it anymore, she thought I had been too weak and she couldnt protect me any longer and that we would never get together again. Now, I am seeing a clinical psychologist and she found out that I might have some anxiety disorder (I didnt mention I had been crying a lot and thinking about suicide even when we were together) and I began taking Zoloft. Do you think we will get back together again?
It seems that there was something wrong with me all the time and I could even feel it but couldnt control it even before I met her and she really seemed to be so in love with me before it got worse and she was always reassuring even when I acted like an idiot after she had left. I think she just couldnt stand it anymore. But she said she had been already thinking about the breakup for a few months prior to the breakup.
I just dont understand it. We were a perfect match, really. And before she left we had been so in love and so happy. I think I screw it up. The way we got together was so romantic and we had known each other for 6 years because we had been in the same class and I spent a lot of time with her family as well. I miss that all.
I am sorry, I am pessimistic again. It seems that the Zoloft doesnt work very much. I will be very glad if someone posts a reply. Thank you and have a nice day.
0
Comments
However, I was in a relationship with a guy who had an nervous breakdown and had to be sectioned, I was with him for two years and when it was good, it was amazing, when it wasn't..well it wasn't any sort of relationship I'd wish on any of my mates.
But what happened to my ex and I was that I tried so hard to make it work, and make allowances but he punished me for whatever reason he felt necessary. I was an emotional punchbag and a lot of what you are saying about the way you treated your girlfriend is similar to how my ex treated me.
I hate to say it but the love died a lot because I got fed up of trying so hard. He's fine now afaik, and with someone else.
But if you have had so many issues with yourself and your ex I think you really need to continue to address them rather than think about getting back with your ex at the moment. You really need to be content with yourself before you start to smother your girlfriend.
That's not to say that the two of you will never be in each other's lives again, but at the moment as horrible and numb it may feel without her right now, it's for the best. I mean, if you had heard your friends treating their other half the way you were, would you advise them to stick around and work at it?
It had to come to this at the moment in order for you to work through your emotions before you can work them on someone else. Just work on yourself at the moment, you're doing the right thing getting help and being on medication.
You will be okay.
I have had issues which have messed up past relationships, and even though i may have delt with them theres no way i would be taken back by any of my past partners. not that i'd want to go back anyway.
relationships break up for a reason, and the past is the past for the same reason. There are very few reasons to pick up something you left behind, and this isn't one of them.
I think you need to focus on yourself and your recovery before any relationship.
If she only waited just for a while, I was getting better, and the year was not easy for me as both of my parents were severely ill and so on. I am really sad I could not make her happy anymore. If I hadnt gone "mad" it would have continued to be such beautiful a relationship as it really was.
It seems that you experienced the same thing from the other side of the wall. It really has to be hard for the other half as well.
Thank you twisted_trinity as well. I know I have to recover at first before continuing. But you know, I still feel she really loved me and that she didnt break up with "me" but with the depression in me, with the guy to whom I had changed. We didnt have any other issues apart from my anxious reactions and I feel It wasnt me, I felt it before, but I couldnt handle. I am not sure if you understand or if I am not only making excuses but I do feel I had a problem. Something beyond my personality.