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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I don't really know what to say, but I need to write it down somewhere, even if it makes no sense.
My boyfriend of a year and a half dumped me by phone last night. I know it's not the end of the world and there's plenty more people etc etc but right now it hurts so much I don't know what to do. He was my first boyfriend, I thought we were in love and I thought that despite our problems I thought we were managing to deal with one thing at a time. He knew I was having an especially hard time recently, so this couldn't have come at a worse time.
He was up at the weekend and things went smoothly apart from one small argument on the Saturday. He said last night that he'd had doubts for ages but he had never said anything. I was so happy at the weekend and so upset when he had to go home. I know things have been stressful lately but I think I deserved to be told to my face. After everything that's happened, I thought I at least deserved that.
I was barely coping anyway but this has pushed me over the edge. I came home last night and my dad met me at the station and my parents stayed up with me until 2, even though my mum leaves for work at half 6. I have an essay due tomorrow but it's half done and on my laptop in Norwich. I've emailed my seminar tutor and hopefully she will grant me an extension.
I don't really know what to do right now. I feel like a piece of gum that somebody's scraped off the bottom of their shoe.
Thanks for reading. I just had to write it down somewhere because I am still in shock at what happened. I don't want to go in to too much detail as the person involved is a member of TheSite. I hope you all understand.
:crying:
My boyfriend of a year and a half dumped me by phone last night. I know it's not the end of the world and there's plenty more people etc etc but right now it hurts so much I don't know what to do. He was my first boyfriend, I thought we were in love and I thought that despite our problems I thought we were managing to deal with one thing at a time. He knew I was having an especially hard time recently, so this couldn't have come at a worse time.
He was up at the weekend and things went smoothly apart from one small argument on the Saturday. He said last night that he'd had doubts for ages but he had never said anything. I was so happy at the weekend and so upset when he had to go home. I know things have been stressful lately but I think I deserved to be told to my face. After everything that's happened, I thought I at least deserved that.
I was barely coping anyway but this has pushed me over the edge. I came home last night and my dad met me at the station and my parents stayed up with me until 2, even though my mum leaves for work at half 6. I have an essay due tomorrow but it's half done and on my laptop in Norwich. I've emailed my seminar tutor and hopefully she will grant me an extension.
I don't really know what to do right now. I feel like a piece of gum that somebody's scraped off the bottom of their shoe.
Thanks for reading. I just had to write it down somewhere because I am still in shock at what happened. I don't want to go in to too much detail as the person involved is a member of TheSite. I hope you all understand.
:crying:
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I think for now the best thing for me to do is to try to relax at home and shift my cold. My mum just said to wait and take things as they happen, which I think will be the best idea.
Hi piccolo hope your'e geting better too and you wil find the girl for you who wil love you so much
Big hugs to you
-hug-
I've already seen my Easter eggs around. I found a Mars one from my parents and a Maltesers one from my Grandma
The problem is the thing I want to most and enjoy the most is a cuddle, and that's not very feasible to be honest.
He called me earlier saying that he wasn't sure and he'd still like to give it another go (you get the gist) but he couldn't decide right away. I said he had plenty of time to decide as I doubt I'll be on the pull anytime soon.
I seem to be getting more ill, so yay. I have agreed to meet him tonight to talk things over. I don't think this will go too well. Well, I think a lot of crying will be done by both parties.
On the upside, I've been granted an extension until Tuesday for my work, I'm dying my hair later so that I can at least look nice if I'm still single after the chat (my hair hasn't been dyed since November and is now part red part mouse:yuck:) and my friends in Norwich went to the lake yesterday and photographed a duck and sent it to me to make me feel better.
I'm seriously contemplating giving up on people and just finishing my degree, working, and when I get somewhere of my own, get the ducks I've always wanted and give all my love to them. I don't envisage them leaving me over the phone, albeit through a series of quacks.
How did your chat with him go last night?
Don't give up on people entirely, there are a few good eggs among the quacks, but concentrating on yourself for a while can only be a good thing!
He said he wished that we were older. Part of me agrees and part of me thinks he means that he wishes I was older. I'm 5 years younger than him and in my first year of uni. He's done the uni thing. He doesn't understand how I feel because he didn't really move away, nor does he have to think about the frankly scary concept of moving to the other side of the world for a year. I know the year abroad will be very very difficult, but we both know that other than the ducks, one of the things I've always wanted to do is visit New Zealand, so to be able to study there would be amazing.
He also said something I didn't really understand, and wondered if you could make sense of it? He says that he feels like we could work in the long term but not the short or the medium term. I'm probably being dense but I didn't get it.
Oh well. Thank you for all your support
New Zealand will be amazing for you. Keep on going for your dreams too- he'll understand if it's meant to be. And yes, it is scary to move abroad for a year, when I did it I got halfway onto the flight and was in tears for the whole of the rest of it, wanting them to turn the flight around. But it was the BEST year of my life, it did so much for me and made me grow up a lot.
I would guess that what he means is that he'd probably see you as a long term partner- like a wife, or having kids together- but that right at this moment that isn't what he's looking for so the two of you wouldn't work in the short term. So sounds like he is having a conflict between his long-term thoughts and his current feelings.
I ran back home the first time i got hurt at uni
good luck
Hey, if you're looking for the ideal rebound boyfriend, PM me!!
Hey Quagmire, gotta say Norwich to Wales is a bit of a trek
Thanks queenmab_roo. My flatmate said roughly the same thing to me (she is over here for a semester whilst her boyfriend is back in Australia.) I know it's not relevant but where did you go to on your year abroad? I think the idea wouldn't be so daunting if my best mate and I had managed to travel round Europe as we'd planned.
Back on track, thank you for making it clearer about the long term/short term thing. It's a bit odd seeing as he generally doesn't think much further ahead than the next time he's going to eat! Oh well, nevermind I guess.
I'm hoping the next time I have a crisis of some sort, I will be able to deal with things better. I don't think the combination of hostile flat environment, everyone out for St. Patrick's Day, or those who were in doing history coursework helped. Oh, and my best friend up here having to move home to Bury St. Ed in January didn't help either.
I'd like to spend a year travelling but my boyfriend has told me he'd break up with me if I did. Even if I went only for three months... *sigh*
Crikey!
My cousin did it a bit of a funny way. Her boyfriend decided to go travelling around Australia for 6 months but a few months in decided he was missing her so much, he paid for her to go out to Australia as well. They broke up whilst they were together in Aus, because the distance hadn't been an issue but being around each other 24/7 was.
That's the thing. If my bf wanted to go to...I dunno...India for a year or whatever, I'd go with him. No questions asked. I'd love to go travelling with him! But I want to go to Japan and he won't come with me, even though he wants to go to Japan. I shouldn't expect him to come with me, I know that, but still. I'd literally go to the ends of the earth with the boy!
China, for a year. Which is incidentally where I've gone back to now. I've studied the language so it isn't quite as daunting as it would be for someone who can't speak the language. But it's still pretty challenging.
Perhaps that's why he can't see you working short/mid term- cos he doesn't normally think further than the next meal!
@ Dancing Horse- My boyfriend was worried that we wouldn't last if I came to China without him, which has actually led to him coming here with me
I'm glad you can work things out to make things work =]
Wow! China would be pretty amazing, though I think I'd struggle language wise. My former flatmate had lived there for 3 years and could just about manage very basic sentences.
I see your point about the short/mid term now lol.
I hope things for you are getting better, and that you start to get excited about your year in NZ- it will be challenging, but it'll do you the world of good as well! Are you likely to get a chance to come back to the UK in the middle? Or would your boyf, friends or family be able to come out to see you? if you can, i'd reccommend organising something like that for the middle of your time out there. that way, if you do get homesick, it gives you something to look forward to.
Dancinghorse- I think if you could ever go travelling, it would benefit you immensely too
That's what I think. I really think getting out there and actually doing something with myself will help me a lot. And to be honest, I think it would help him too!
I have a spare 2 month period from Dec to Feb because I will be spending a semester in north America and then a semester in New Zealand. I want to travel round Australia during that time rather than fly home. My boyfriend has family in Aus that he wants to see but I don't know if he'll go over to see them, and my family had planned to move to NZ before I was born so I reckon there's a good chance some of them might come over
I really hope you do cause that sounds *amazing!* I wanted to study in America for a year but it was waaaay too expensive for me
My friend's bf went aboard to Aus for a year and they communicated through Skype, snail mail and parcels so it was actually quite exciting and fun for them! Plus, she got a trip to Aus out of it =]
My boyfriend suggested the other day packing up and leaving to live in Canada permenantly... But is so against the idea of me going to Japan for a year... Meh.
That sounds a bit...strange.
I wouldn't mind snail mail but he says he can't write so wouldn't want to write me a letter. I tell him I'm not expecting a letter of Wilde standard wit or anything, just something to say how he's feeling or whatever lol.
travelling around Australia is amazing, i've been twice now, love the place love the people. Got recommendations so if you'd like anything, PM me
Dancinghorse I think you just need to go for it. Boyf needs to bend your way for once
I don't know. For some reason he just really doesn't want to travel. He's said that he wants to visit some countries 'for a holiday' but I like to get to know places, and I've been desperate to see Japan for real, not just from a tourist's perspective.
Ah thank you, I will try to remember this nearer the time
Sounds like he likes his comfort zone. I still think if you really want to do it, you should go for it. He should support you- perhaps you could compromise by going for a shorter period of time, and having him come for his tourist's holiday.