I'm in a relationship and am confused about how i feel.

Former Member

I don't know how i feel about my boyfriend anymore and i don't feel i can act at all as i feel as though i am trapped. He lives with all my friends at the moment until the next academic year when he'll change groups and i'll move in with his current housemates. (a result of odd choice if housemates in the 1st year of uni) Because i practically live at his house now, though,to see both him and my friends if i broke up with him it would make everyone's life really awkward and i'm not even sure that's what i want. I'm a believer in true love and passion and while i do love him i don't feel like he's definately the one. I'm still waiting for something in our relationship and i don't know what it is but i'm scared that if i leave i might never find anyone as good for me as him.
He's always been kind and forgiving, he's not mean either materially or emotionally, he would do almost anything for me but...i'm not sure. I don't know what to do. could it just be a rough patch or is this a sign of something more?

Former Member

Hey bernedette - sorry to hear you're going through a bit of a tough patch at the moment and that may well be all it is.

How long have you been together? Relationships do tend to have their ups and downs and having occasional doubts is normal, espeically if you're really looking for 'the one'. Some say it doesn't exist but really the question is do you picture your future with him if that's what you're after long term? Do you see yourself making plans together?

It may seem like you'd never find anyone else as good but lots of people have a few long term relationships before they settle down and when you're in the midst of a relationship it's always hard to imagine your life any differently.

You mention you're worried that if you did break up that it would be awkward for people around you. It probablay would be but with time that would pass and not only you but your boyfriend and your friends would all get over it and move on. Try to focus on what you want, not on how anyone else might react. It's great you do care because it shows you're not a selfish sort of person that makes these kinds of decisions lightly but it's also important to put yourself first.

You clearly have strong feelings for this guy and you appreciate all his good qualities and you don't want to hurt him. Maybe you can talk things through with him?

This Q & A from our askTheSite archive has some similar elements to your situation that you might find useful:
http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/askthesiteqandas/relationshipsqandas/happilyeverafter

I hope things work out for you