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How much leeway do you give a new partner?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
If you've started seeing someone new....how perfect do you expect them to be?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katchika wrote: »
    If you've started seeing someone new....how perfect do you expect them to be?

    If they let you down once, would you give up and not bother seeing them anymore? What if they didn't answer your texts? Or said something really cheesey?

    Do you let people off a bit and overlook any bad points?

    I'm seeing someone new and I'm really bad at all this stuff. I really like him but he kind of let me down this weekend and I don't know if it's worth it. I'm scared of getting hurt.

    If hes only done it once hes defo worth another chance!
  • littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    Once, I'd let it go. Twice, I'd say something. If he didn't take my feelings on board then I would then I would seriously consider whether or not it was worth pursuing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Depends.
    Define 'let me down'.
    It's difficult to determine an appropriate response without the circumstances!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Letting someone down IMO is like

    not doing something you ask them too..

    or forget to do it.
    as long as he had a good reason it shud all be ok.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Erm.... its bit like saying how long is piece of string. Everyeone is different but with me I'd normally let em off 3/4 times before I walk away unless they have good enough reason for dickin me about.

    Does he have good enough reason?

    And The 'perfect' feeling is never gonna last. Sooner or later their habits that seemed cute and funny at start become annoying as fuck. But you've got to be able to see through all that and decide if you like them as person and if they are worth you investing your time and energy in em.

    Personally I'd give him another go :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katchika wrote: »
    He's been perfect up until this weekend. We had plans to go out on a date on Saturday afternoon, but he let me down, said he was "ill" (but I didn't believe him, think he was just hungover), and we could meet on Sunday. Then today he said he still felt ill and didn't want to make me sick. Ok ok fair enough but he had enough energy to go out on the lash on Friday night, and looked perfectly fine on webcam tonight. I just see warning signs. I'm the kind of person who, if I really like someone, it doesn't matter if I feel a bit ill, I make the effort.

    Sometimes friends say I am too hard on guys. But I do expect to be treated well (after quite a few relationships where I have been treated badly, I am always looking out for signs of wankers, unfortunately).

    Thats webcam it always makes people look fine.. when theyre not.
    And he could of been generally ill.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katchika wrote: »
    Sometimes friends say I am too hard on guys. But I do expect to be treated well (after quite a few relationships where I have been treated badly, I am always looking out for signs of wankers, unfortunately).

    Dito. I dont think there is an easy answer either :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In your personal opinion, do you think is is genuinly ill, or just saying that becuase he can't be bothered to meet up? and if he can't be bothered then is he worth you bothering with? I would say give him another chance and if he balls it up then then move on, like you said, if you really like somebody then you will make the effort
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He may well be hung over still or feeling rough because he went out drinking or he could have been coming down with something Friday and it got worse on Saturday. I would personally give him a second chance. My bloke often gets quite hung over when he goes out drinking he doesnt do it often, maybe once a month or so and it got to the point when he went out on Friday nights that I knew making plans to do anything with him on Saturday afternoon/evening was going to be a waste of time as he would not tell me he felt too ill to see me and be falling asleep or only 50% with me so to speak. I explained that it made me feel unimportant that he could make plans with me for an evening out which really was a waste of time because by 9.30 he would be falling asleep and yawning and as much as I loved him, it really wasnt fair to do that. So we have an agreement if we make plans to do something Saturday then he either doesnt go out the Friday before drinking or he takes it steady. On the Friday nights he goes out, we still see each other Saturday but I don't expect to go out we just cuddle on the bed, watch a film and have a glass of wine before an early night.

    If you havent been seeing him that long he might not feel comfortable telling you that he isn't up to being an attentive boyfriend and may think turning up to see you feeling rough and sleepy would put you off, or it could easily just be the case that he does feel ill. My bloke gets really funny when he has cold, headache or is tired but luckily we talked about the stuff before it became a huge issue for either of us and we both understand each other now.

    I hope it works out for you xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm probably similar to you, mainly because i go into "can't be arsed" mode. Although to be honest i'd give him another chance and just see how it goes. If he turns it into a regular thing then i'd maybe start asking the questions you are now. Sometimes we all make wrong moves at the start, he's probably just being a mardy male with man flu. At least he stayed at home and didn't take you out and then sit there whinging on about how shite he felt ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you cant be arsed anymore then you cant be arsed.
    I personally would give him another chance if hes been great up to now, but i wouldnt carry on giving chances
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