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The kids need their dad.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Can anyone advise me on what to do. After 6 years of marriage i got seperated from ny husband in January 2005. For 3 months till march i lived in a womens refuge for DV with my 2 sons who are now 8 and 9. I finally got my own place and started to settledown again.
My ex and i decided not to go through the CSA as he promised he will always support the children. We sorted out payment by ourselves and for a while things were great. I had no job friends or driving license but and was on benefit. I was upset for a long time because of the seperation. Finally i got over it,got a job made new friends and most of all got a license and came off benefits. My ex agreed to pay £500 a month for the kids so i decided to put that as him paying my rent although my rent is £700. As i had come off benefits and was working it was hard to make ends meet so decided to move in with family in which case my rent went down to £500 a month. I got a call from my ex a while back and he told me the CSA are demanding he pay £5000 as back payment. At first i was so worried i got a loan from the bank of £4000 to give to the CSA. To my surprise he never gave that money to them and spent it. I then had to call the CSA to tell them again that we prefer sorting it amongst ourselves after finding out he spent the money i got for him on a new car and several holidays. When i got the loan he also agreed to pay it back £100 a month which he has not done since as he still pays £500 and im paying the interest on the loan. He only comes to pick the boys up once every 3 months on a friday and drops them off on the sunday.
I love my kids and do everything for them which money could never buy. The thing is now i have moved in with my sister and husband last august he has been late with payment most times and that causes friction between me and my family. If it not payed late then its short of about £200. I always have to call him to remind dfays in advance that my rent is due. Instead of giving me notice it will be late or short my brother inlaw comes home pissed off and blames me for it. Rent is due on the 12th of each month which comes out my brother-in-laws account by direct debit. I have been trying to call my ex from Monday to remind him its due but he never answered his phone. This morning he called to say that he can't do it so he will send a cheque. I was fumming as now the direct debit came out of my in laws account which has put him £500 in overdraft. My ex does not understand that he has put me and the kids in a bad situation. I have now been asked to move out because my sister and her husband said they can no longer have this happen every month.
I work part time and am really struggling to make ends meet. This man does not understand how difficult this is having to look after 2 children on my own. He is nasty to me all the time and never talks to me in a decent or polite way. I now need money for a deposit on a new place and don;t know what to do as i have to move out in April.
Can anyone advise me on what to do.
All i want is to be happy with my kids with no contact or arguments with him. I do not ask him for anything else besides paying the £500 on time every month. I had nothing at all when i left him and feel that i am really doing all i can to better myself and the kids but he is constantly accusing me of rubbish that i have not done or said. Even getting him to come pick up the kids is my duty,if i don't arrange it,he never will.


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think in situations like this you really need the CSA to be sorting the mess out for you. He obviously has little respect for you and his kids if this is how he's treating you when you try to keep the authorities out of it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Contat the CSA right away, sorting amongst self not the answer

    You will never get all the money he is supposed to give you if you don't go through the CSA, even going through the CSA it will take a while to get any money from him. I know as my "Daddy" didn't pay what he was supposed to most of the time and we were doing it through the authorities. Of course I didn't know he wasn't paying it for most of my life, but then suddenly he paid it all at once which was really strange. I used to see him about once or twice a year, then it went down to once a year, then maybe once every two years. Now not at all, and you know what it's at the point me and my sister don't care if we see him at all. He's slowly ditching you and your sons, and while keeping them from him isn't the answer i'm afraid they will have to learn the hard way that daddy doesn't love them. Because it seems that he only care's enough to keep up the pretense that he cares, and some of us know what that is the start of. So me and my sister said goodbye to "daddy" although not literally but figuratively and in all thoughts and hopefully some day your sons will too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Agree that the CSA really does sound the way forward. Let them deal with his nasty moods and his late payments. I'm not quite sure where you stand with regards to him blowing your loan, probably on shaky ground with regards to re-cooping the money. Maybe you could speak to a citizens advice bureau or something similar to see what legal advice they can give you? Good luck and keep your chin up. I think it's awful that your ex has taken advantage of your giving nature and basically left you and your kids fending for yourselves. It shows he's a worthless shite because no matter what problems you have with your ex your children should always be looked after :grump: Although i realise it's a nasty situation which happens quite often. Fiera: sorry you had to go through what this lady and her sons are going through because of a slacker who doesn't want to step up to the plate.
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