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Leaving someone you have a home with

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, so if you are going to break up with your partner and you have lived together for two years, how do you do it? Or how did you do it?

I posted ages ago about issues in my relationship, basically we have been together for 3 years and for unknown reasons still have not had sex for 2 years with him due to issues with him. But I can not get an explanation as to what is wrong, which hurts so much.

I feel too much time has passed and I have sacrificed enough of my life waiting that the damage is too much for us ever to be better than we are now, and everything would be amazing if it weren’t for this but I have truly given up all hope after coming to this point 3 or 4 times, having serious talks and then going back to being together but not in a sexual relationship.

So we live together, but how do I move back home? My whole life belongings are here, I just don't know how to do it. How do I pack all my stuff up and drive off and leave him to his own life? I have things in the loft I can't even get out myself, I can't bear people being upset, I know it's going to kill me to see it.

And I don't know how he is going to afford all the bills?? All I pay is half the bills. We don't have a joint mortgage. I feel incredibly guilty but just can't go on waiting for something I don't have answers too. I hate how hard this is. Any advice is truly appreciated, thanks.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hugs*

    It sounds like you're in a really hard situation, the thing that i noticed about what you said was that things would be amazing if it wasn't for the no sex thing. Do you not have any indication of why your relationship is like this? It seems like after 2 years you should at least have an explanation.

    If you're definitely sure this is what you want i think you need to talk with him and tell him though, whether you can bear to see his hurt or not. You can't stay because you feel guilty about the money either, it's your life and you can't stay if he isn't giving you what you want or need.

    I hope you're ok.


    ETA: I lived with my ex but when we broke up it was more of a mutual thing and i asked him to leave for a bit to give us some space, that was it he never moved back in and eventually we sold our home because neither of us could afford the bills on our own.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dinted wrote: »
    How do I pack all my stuff up and drive off and leave him to his own life? ]

    First of all, break up with him. Then you take some of those moving boxes. Then you put your belongings into them. Then you put the boxes into the trunk of your car, and drive to you family until you can rent your own place.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    First of all, break up with him. Then you take some of those moving boxes. Then you put your belongings into them. Then you put the boxes into the trunk of your car, and drive to you family until you can rent your own place.
    I agree.

    How are you living together and not having sex?
    Just ask him

    hold him in front of you look him straight in the eyes and ask him

    "Why are we living together and not having sex?"

    If he doesn't come up with an answer then say "Well I'm leaving"

    Then do what Strubbles said.


    Good luck
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Conway13 wrote: »

    "Why are we living together and not having sex?"

    Gotta keep that in mind, if I ever have a flat share with girls.

    Oh now I understand. It's HIM, that causes the no-sex thingy. I thought it was you.

    Oh well, if you tried to resolve it numerous times with no avail I would just pack my shit right here and be goners.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks sugar, i wish we could do it mutually, but he wouldn't be able to handle it. And no there is no indication at all, we still hug and kiss and do things as a couple.

    I understand the fact I need to pack and leave, but as i said this is my home, all my stuff is here, it's not just like packing up 1 suitcase and going, it's not that easy. I still love this person and I know he'll be upset, but still I remind myself that he hasn't done anything to fight to save our relationship. It's just not easy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you talked to your parents yet about moving home?

    I think this is a case where the only thing for you to do is to make your decision and then later on start thinking about packing and sorting the rest out. If you think too much about all the effort it will take you are more likely to back out again. You say you've thought about this 3 or 4 times before which means you've reconsidered before and nothing changed so you need to take action.

    If you haven't already I suggest you should visit your family or give them a call today. You know it's going to be really difficult but it's also difficult for you to not do anything and only think about what you really want to do.

    Good luck. I feel for you, there's no easy way to do this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just did it. Just arrived at my mum's, who is being good about it.

    He is texting me how he was going to make it better tonight and how he thought he had one last try etc which really isn't helping. And about how he will lose his house and stuff. Hmmph
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It was going to be difficult no matter what you did. You're showing strength by having done this, you didn't do it for no reason.

    Just remind yourself that he's had years to 'make it better'. Take care of yourself and don't get sucked back in just because of finances. He's an adult, he can deal with it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't be swayed by any attempt to make you feel guilty about not being able to afford the bills but you probably should allow him the time to at least try and explain why he's not wanted to have sex with you for the last two years and to try and talk it through because at least then both you and he will understand.
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