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self identity and all that crap

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
OK I'm not in to all that 'Hollywood therapist' stuff but I really really have no idea who I am.

I mean yeah, I know my name, my family etc but I've always lived up to other peoples' expectations. If asked how *I* feel about something, I really don't know - I just go along with public perception, or whatever is trendy at the time.

I've spent all my life like that (I'm 34) and I have no idea who I am, what my 'style' is, my identity.

I've got no real personality, each day is like a performance to the world and while that doesn't depress me or anything (sometimes I even enjoy it) but I really need to find out who I am.

The question now is how? How do I go about going on a journey of self discovery?


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No offense meant in my interpretations :) Could your self-reflection be related to breaking up with your girlfriend? It's possible these feelings are being exacerbated by the pain and surprise of losing her. I'm not saying you shouldn't entertain far-reaching, meaning-of-life questions, but bear in mind people do tend to do that more often when they're upset. I find it very easy to start asking these questions if I feel down, and it can go one of two ways: either I get nothing but more questions and feel worse, or I come up with some kind of answer and get on with it. I think how you come out the other end depends on your attitude - if you want a positive change, then you can achieve one.

    I found the language in your last sentence interesting. You ask about "going on a journey of self discovery" - do you think doing something similar to what your ex is embarking on will help discover yourself? I think there are many ways to find out more about the person you are, or really want to be, besides the literal interpretation of a journey. Even things closer to home, such as charity work, a career change or taking up a course or hobby, for instance might help. If you try new things; put yourself outside your comfort zone, and have an open mind when you do them, you can probably learn a lot about yourself that you didn't really know. You probably have a lot more to your personality than you realise. Meeting new people could help with this also.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow, thanks for the detailed reply, this makes me slightly guilty to say it's absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with splitting up from her!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tough one really as for everyone situations differ. In my limited experience i'd maybe lean towards saying get out there and try and find something that "you're" interested in. Not everybody else, not a girlfriend, something that you find interesting that you might have secretly wanted to do for ages.
    If that's a sport, an adult learning course etc. then why not give it a try for yourself. And mainly i'd say stop trying to please everyone else because the one lesson i learnt as a teen was that the majority will throw it back in your face anyway. I don't mean become a selfish shi* but try to not follow the crowd or yearn to please. I'd imagine it's a hard place to be when you start questioning things but i think every person in their life goes through stages where you sit and ponder about themselves.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've spent most of my time alone analysing "who i am" and "trying to find myself" since i was 14...i'm 20 this year, and although i now have some kinda of clue what spiritual path i want to take, i am still very much "lost" in many other aspects...

    but what i'm finding more and more, that its less about finding myself, but being wholey accepted for who currently am by others. coming to uni has made me have to start all over again, and some people are more tolerant than those i have come across before, but others are cannot concieve of anything thats out of their box being normal or enjoyable or even ok...

    spending a lot of time on my own has helped me achieve some clarity, and i've been able to do things that other would have looked down on me for, because i did them alone. Sometimes, people have followed me, like with my feminism, sooooo many people were telling me i was a generation too late, but now i've found so many people who don't believe its all been said and done and that we have to do our bit.

    do go and do things you've always wanted to but were a little scared to, try things completely new. fuck it, grow a beard and buy a motorbike if thats what you want to do!
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