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So, what happens now?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've just broken up with my girlfriend. We were together two years but it has been hard recently and it was the right thing to do for now. It was obviously coming because it was my birthday this weekend and she was really dismissive - not coming out with my friends and I to celebrate and stuff. I've not been at my happiest, it was the right thing to do. But when we checked in this morning about a couple of practicalities neither of us could stop crying. It's meant to be hard, right?

We share a flat and I got rid of some of my stuff because she didn't want to store two of everything (I know....), and I'm so unsure about what to do.

How do we sort out who gets to stay in the flat (she can afford it on her own but my sister might be able to move in so I could convert the living room into a bedroom easily). Should I ask for her to help me pay for replacements of the things I gave away (obviously I'll pay the bulk of the cost)?

And most importantly, how on earth do I move on?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Big Hugs

    I would say that moving out would be the best thing to do in order to move on - i personally think if you stay in the flat then it will be full of memories.

    Also depending on how much stuff you had to give away I would maybe mention it to her but i wouldn't push it to much - if its just things like toasters and kettles then you can pick them up pretty cheaply at argos its probably worth just stumping up £30 odd to buy new bits from argos than it is to cause bad feelings between the two of you - if when you first mention it she's nice about it and immediately acts but otherwise it could just turn into a bone of contention between the two of you.

    (if you need a microwave i have one going spare)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you move on by surrounding yourself with your friends who love you and will support you. unfortunatly, time is the best healer, and it does just take time to get over things, but make sure you keep busy, but do give yourself time to mull things over-but don't stew!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    These things suck for the dumper and the dumpee. But it's all part of life isn't it, if you can be civil about these things then try talk it out and work something out that will suit you both.

    You're right about not trying to live together, don't do the friends thing either. Best cutting her out of your life for bit and sorting out your head.

    I wouldn't rush into asking her to pay for anything just yet. Leave it few days, sort out where you're going to stay and work through your thoughts in your head and share em with friends/on here.
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Boards Champion
    Hey piccolo,
    This is really sad news and I hope you're OK.

    I totally agree with t_t's advice to surround yourself with people who will support you right now, but let yourself wallow too if that's something you feel like doing.

    It's surprising at times like this who the most supportive people can be - you can find nuggets of support and inspiration in the most unlikely people or places so let yourself be open to that if you can.

    Replacement of items is about being honest with yourself about how you feel about them I think. I'm someone who can let material items go easily, but friends of mine have fought tooth and nail for TVs and bed spreads in the past. These are both quite extreme perspectives so it's good to find a middle ground. So for instance it's not great to be out of pocket, but then there's an element of being respectful of the fact it can be a painful process. I've seen a couple sell everything and split the money before, that might be another option to consider.

    One of the key things to think about when moving on is being kind to yourself. What struck me about your post is the maturity in your reaction to this - you've acknowledged that at this point in time this isn't a good relationship to be in. That takes guts and I hope you will feel strength in that further down the line.

    You're bound to feel at times that it was the wrong thing to do and that you could have done more. However, it's good to try and remember why you came to that decision. The reason it hurts and why you've both cried so much may well be because you both know there have been some amazing times and you wish you were still in that place. That's probably the hardest part.

    Anyway, enough rambling from me. Do take a look at our article on mending a broken heart if you haven't already - and I would really recommend the book the article comes from.

    Take good care and let us know how you're doing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aww god hun i so sorry to hear that i agree with all the above comments be strong follow your:heart: and you will meet another girl when youre ready you can private mes me anytime for support +chat x:wave:
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