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Moaning Mothers

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
My mother is really getting to me at the moment, i am currently un employed, trying to find work, internships, experience etc since finishing uni. She claims I have no interests and that I don't seem to be passionate about anything, that I don't seem to know what I want to do. Yeah maybe work wise I don't have complete direction but I am only in my early twenties and am hoping to try out new things so I get a better idea. And at the moment I am doing a short Art course and I do some Artwork in my spare time as well as meeting up with friends etc and I am hoping to do some travelling soon. The only thing she seems to do is sit at her computer 24 7. I have to at the moment a lot of the time emailing jobs, internships, searching etc. If I'm not doing this she complains and if I am she complains that I have no interests. I don't think I can stand living with her much longer she is doing my head in, but I can't move out at the moment. Everything I say she has some negative comment to make about it. She just never seems to see anything in a positive light.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you tried sitting her down and having an adult conversation with her (no raising of your voice, no pointing fingers, etc), showing her proof that you are indeed looking for work etc? It may be unfair of her but perhaps she is panicking that you won't ever leave home?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :wave: she only doing it because she loves and cares for you do sit down and chat to her though x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well thats what Mothers are put on this earth for.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well thats what Mothers are put on this earth for.

    And that what i'll be doing to my two daughters when they grow up there 6year and 2 year
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That is was what mothers are there for. It might be that if you've finished uni in what, June-ish last year (this is just assuming - correct me if I'm wrong), well to place it over my life - I finished uni in June, went to America to work as a camp counsellor, came home and immediately sought out temp work with the local council as other jobs weren't readily available, have now moved onto working at a school with an objective to become a teacher or youth arts worker at the moment. I am very...motivated to move onto the next stage and spent my final year panicking about which direction to take. My parents actually had to sit me down and remind me that I was 21 and needed to chill out about the future and figuring myself out.

    The thing is, if you did graduate in June, that was 7 months ago. Seek temping work? It doesn't have to be in the direction of where you wanna go but just earn some cash for yourself. It's awesome that you're doing an artcourse - but from her perspective she's probably watched you go through uni and now you're on another course - she might be wondering why if you've just gone through uni? Maybe, if she's like my parents, she finds it hard to take the fact that you value Art and produce work in your spare time, meet up with your friends but don't go out and get a job - to her maybe you always seem to be 'looking' and avoiding the fact that a regular store or your local council are advertising for just about anyone. I have a Drama degree and am fierce about earning my own way and paying for my own things because I am an adult now. Not just turned 18 and getting some independance going to uni, but 21 - I've done that and now despite the fact that I would love to be acting, joining theatre groups, getting paid nothing to do internships at theatres and with companys, I have to think reasonably and spend a bit of time standing on my own two feet and for my own benefit and theirs, showing some initiative - getting a job and doing the things like acting/researching opportunities after I've come home from a days work.

    I don't want to sound harsh - I don't know where I'm going to end up at the end of the day but from my perspective and the way I would view myself through my parents eyes - watching me go to work and going out of my way outside of work to read up on drama, view performances etc... helps them in appreciating that I would like to be an actor one day then if they came home from work every day and find me rehearsing audition speeches, writing a play script, taking up evening classes and going out with my mates when I finished uni 7 months previously.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That is was what mothers are there for. It might be that if you've finished uni in what, June-ish last year (this is just assuming - correct me if I'm wrong), well to place it over my life - I finished uni in June, went to America to work as a camp counsellor, came home and immediately sought out temp work with the local council as other jobs weren't readily available, have now moved onto working at a school with an objective to become a teacher or youth arts worker at the moment. I am very...motivated to move onto the next stage and spent my final year panicking about which direction to take. My parents actually had to sit me down and remind me that I was 21 and needed to chill out about the future and figuring myself out.

    The thing is, if you did graduate in June, that was 7 months ago. Seek temping work? It doesn't have to be in the direction of where you wanna go but just earn some cash for yourself. It's awesome that you're doing an artcourse - but from her perspective she's probably watched you go through uni and now you're on another course - she might be wondering why if you've just gone through uni? Maybe, if she's like my parents, she finds it hard to take the fact that you value Art and produce work in your spare time, meet up with your friends but don't go out and get a job - to her maybe you always seem to be 'looking' and avoiding the fact that a regular store or your local council are advertising for just about anyone. I have a Drama degree and am fierce about earning my own way and paying for my own things because I am an adult now. Not just turned 18 and getting some independance going to uni, but 21 - I've done that and now despite the fact that I would love to be acting, joining theatre groups, getting paid nothing to do internships at theatres and with companys, I have to think reasonably and spend a bit of time standing on my own two feet and for my own benefit and theirs, showing some initiative - getting a job and doing the things like acting/researching opportunities after I've come home from a days work.

    I don't want to sound harsh - I don't know where I'm going to end up at the end of the day but from my perspective and the way I would view myself through my parents eyes - watching me go to work and going out of my way outside of work to read up on drama, view performances etc... helps them in appreciating that I would like to be an actor one day then if they came home from work every day and find me rehearsing audition speeches, writing a play script, taking up evening classes and going out with my mates when I finished uni 7 months previously.

    Hi, yeah see where you are all coming from!...wow you are lucky you are so motivated to that degree! I just find it de motivates me when she is negative. She encouraged me to try some short courses and even suggested I join an acting group, but it's hard to fit so many things in. I have had a couple of retail jobs, but they depressed me so I had to quit. And thinking about it an internship/work experience/going abroad for a bit could maybe improve my CV and future long term prospects in terms of earning more. Good luck with becoming a teacher! I am thinking of maybe doing a TEFL course before I go away.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Crumbs wrote: »
    Hi, yeah see where you are all coming from!...wow you are lucky you are so motivated to that degree! I just find it de motivates me when she is negative. She encouraged me to try some short courses and even suggested I join an acting group, but it's hard to fit so many things in. I have had a couple of retail jobs, but they depressed me so I had to quit. And thinking about it an internship/work experience/going abroad for a bit could maybe improve my CV and future long term prospects in terms of earning more. Good luck with becoming a teacher! I am thinking of maybe doing a TEFL course before I go away.

    I find myself motivated by not wanting to stay where I am. To be honest the temping job I did was the worst 3 months I have ever done - I came home every day dreading going in the next day - it spurred me on to get my current job and cause I was temping I had more flexibility with my hours and was able to take days off. I got very down at times - over 3 months I couldn't carry on but I couldn't justify quitting cause I needed money and didn't want to rely on my parents. I worked in retail for 5 years through my college and uni years - I know it can be hard but again, if you want some money behind you you're gonna have to step your game up. I've got to America camp counselling for two summers - I've paid for both those summers and it's not cheap - I don't know your financial situation but it wouldn't be fair to depend on your parents to fund your travelling/internship - it is also very satisfying to pay your own way! I know it's hard! I really really want to act- I miss performing and rehearsing etc...but teaching is something I also want - originally for later in the day when I had a chance to get on the stage but this way around I can pursue and fund both careers in the long run. Travelling and working abroad will be great experience and look good on your CV - but even volunteering costs money when you want to do it abroad.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah if I get any internships abroad/volunteering I will need to have some money saved so I am trying to get work as well. Got an interview Sunday so fingers crossed so I can continue saving. Guess I am lucky I am living at home in a way. I just don't want to be stuck in a shop/bar job when I'm 50 and I find a lot of companies turn me down as I just don't have the experience they require. Half my prob is I don't really quite know what I am aiming for yet. I guess I am not such a planner as well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Life is full of curve balls. With regards to work - If you had asked my what i wanted to be when i was 14/15 i would have said engineer - at 18 it was still the same, then i didn't get into the uni i wanted (Portsmouth) because i basically wasn't clever enough. i then wasted a year on a Design Engineering Course (and £1250), and flunked it.

    After that i needed to sort my life out - so i took the apprenticeship route, qualified as an engineer, and now work in logistics! The big thing is the foot in the door - consider part-time work in your chosen trade, or even offer to work for free just to get the experience.

    With regard to mothers - its what they do best, it never changes they just seem more in your face/interfering as you get older!
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