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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nope I Haven't Told Her Any Of This, There's A Barrier Between Us. Even The Teacher Said There's A Barrier Between Me And My Mum There's Lack Of Communication. I'm No Good At Words And I Usually End Up Saying The Wrong Thing And Insulting People.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah.
    Your both hurting probably just as much as each other at the moment.
    I think you both just need to give each other a bit of space and I am sure (100%) when you do talk about it you will sort it out and end up being alright. It just needs time.

    Trust me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am like that I always use the worng words.
    But when you do talk to her and tell her how much you want her to listen.And how much it means to you for her to listen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Ally,

    WELL DONE for taking those massive and very scary steps :thumb: , although you've not got the results you wanted yet it's great that your school have taken action and are trying out a few things that might help. If they're not the right things yet don't be afraid to explain to them that being in a room alone is the last thing you need and they can try supporting you another way.

    It's great that you feel open to talk on here and I hope all the support you're getting helps.

    It may take a while for your mum to get her head around what she's only just found out and she may be putting this barrier between you whilst she sorts it out in her own mind where as you've had longer to get used to everything you've been feeling. Could you try giving her some info on self harm to give her more of an idea what helps and what doesn't?

    It's a great idea to write everything down that you want to say to her - and even if you don't end up giving her the letter at least it'll help you to be clear in your own mind what you need from her and what you want to say so the next time you speak to her it doesn't end up as frustrating. It's true she probably needs a bit of time where as you seem now ready to tackle the issues.

    Please let us know how you get on, you're doing so well so far :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :mad: Shes done it again, my mum has to go and broadcast everything thats going on to her mates, i dont no why she is bragging about me cutting my self and getting put on anti-depressents its hardley something to be proud of. She is trying to sort it out tho cause we had a talk and she has booked us a weekend away to sort it out.
    I still feel like i've things worse and i feel like the only reson she is in a nark with is cause i went to my head of yer and not her.

    I have been in my lesson today and thats been even worse than sitting in a room on my own. All day i have been on propa para, i feel like my friends have been talking about me behind my back. They were writing little notes to each other about me tbh i wish they would just say it to my face.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Ally,

    It's great that you went to your lesson today. It is normal that you are feeling a little bit para about it all. If you think it could help - perhaps talk to your friends and explain how the note writing has made you feel.

    It seems that you are mad at your Mum for speaking to her friends, but this may be her way of coming to terms with and getting her own support with what you have told her. Again, it may help to tell your Mum how this has made you feel . You could suggest that your Mum speaks to Parentline instead of talking to her friends if this makes you feel uncomfortable. Parentline is a helpline for parents. The number is 0808 800 2222.

    Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. As many people on this thread have said - it is important to communicate and talk with people who can support you.

    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I know my Mum wanted to tell her friends but I said if you dare I will run away.
    So she decided against it.
    And I don't know why she would want to brag about it. Well thats what I said to my mum.

    My friends did that and it went round the whole of our year group. And I just wanted to die.
    But the worst thing is since then I have been out of lessons and that was like back in September. We're now in January.
    Don't be like me.
    I know we want them to face you becasue I did.
    But they wont until they feel comfortable about the whole situation.
    Just keep strong.
    It will get easier.
    Well hopefully.
    Tell your friends how you feel about what they are doing and tell them how you don't like it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My mum never even asked if she could tell her friends, the only reason i found out she told her friends is because they told me my mum told them what was going on with me.

    I want to die anyway and it hasn't got round the year group and i hope it doesn't. they only kept me out of lessons for a day, but going to lessons is worse than being out of lessons.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah well it will get better.
    It will really.
    Just keep positive
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ino buts its been going on for so long, I want all these feelings to go away because i'm really getting fed-up and i'm scared i'll do something stupid. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you been to the Doctors?
    If so did they help?
    And if they didn't help the first time go back and tell them that you need some more help.
    It does take a while to get better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yerps i've been to see the doctor, she gave me some anti-depressents, put the've made me feel even worse. She never gave me anything for having problems sleeping and having panic attacks. So i lie there of a night for about 3 hours not being able to sleep and worrieing, i've told my mum and she said leave it for a week and we'll go back, i don't wont to leave it to long :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well tell your mum you don't want to leave it. And you scared what you might do if you do leave it.
    Well Anti-Depressents sometimes need a while to set in.
    Yeah I don't really sleep for weeks at a time.
    And it makes life harder.
    Panic attacks are so scary and hoirrble and there is Medicine you can take.
    Erm.. well I know someone who went on medicine for it.
    You could try asking you Doctor.
    Try therpy.
    That can help panic attacks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeh she doesn't really listen, and i've been on them for a week shouldn't they have set in by now?
    Yerps i've been falling asleep at dinner cause i can't sleep if a night and i'm walking round massive bags under mym eyes, cause i can't sleep i lie there thinking about the problems and it makes them even worse.
    I'm going to leave it a week and if i'm still feeling the same i'm going to see the doctor again
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    anti depressants take some time to kick in, it depends on what you have been given, some take 4-6weeks, some take 2weeks. You should really speak to your doctor. Also, some medications for depression are also used to treat sleep disorders, which you might benefit from (mirtazapine) if you are feeling really bad you need to explain this to your doctor. Don`t be afraid to say anything that you think might be shocking, they have heard it all before. I hope you are feeling better when you reply.

    i needed to edit because i just remembered something i wanted to say. dont worry about feelings of suicide when you start taking medication (easier said) its normal, you just need to tell yourself to snap out of it. Some say, the more you are affected by the side effects, the more the medication will affect you in a positive way. I dont know how true that is though, I hate side effects. Stewpot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah good idea. And the Medicine should be starting to make a bit of a difference by now. Well I would have thought it should be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, Havn't been on for a few days.

    The medicine still isn't making me feel any better, i am making an appontment to see my doctor. I have an appontment with my counisler tomorrow so this might make these suicide thourghts go away. I'm thinking im getting worse cause i keep having them all the time even when i'm in school, i had one before when i was stading on the stairs with my mate i had this vision of throwing myself down the stairs :(:( i hate feeling like this sooooo much :(:(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Try not to panic even though it is hard not to. Your counsiler might be able to help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ally** wrote: »
    Hey, Havn't been on for a few days.

    The medicine still isn't making me feel any better, i am making an appontment to see my doctor. I have an appontment with my counisler tomorrow so this might make these suicide thourghts go away. I'm thinking im getting worse cause i keep having them all the time even when i'm in school, i had one before when i was stading on the stairs with my mate i had this vision of throwing myself down the stairs :(:( i hate feeling like this sooooo much :(:(

    Remember that ADs can take up to two months to take effect. Obviously if you're getting side-effects then it's a good idea to speak to them but just because they aren't working right now doesn't mean they won't.

    Good luck with the counsellor.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The counsilers have put me on a stronger dose of AD's.

    Today has been horrible i'm having a really bad day. I had a argument with one of my friends because she said i am unstable and really wound me up, i was to upset to go to lessons so have been out of some lessons today.
    Tbh i just want to die, i want all these feeling to go cause i feel like i'm getting worse :(:(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ally please don't fret, your having your ups and downs and hopefully when you've calmed down a little more you can talk to your friend about it and try to make him/her understand what you are going through.

    I'm not sure what your condition is, but I'm sure if you talk to therapist or doctors then they can help you out, there are a million more people out there probably tackling the same problems and experiences and its wonderful to see you haven't given up hope by reaching out here.

    Hang in their Ally, your strong enough to do this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi,

    Yerps my school have offered me support,The've been with me the whole way and they know what my situation is, there is someone i can speak to and i have a note to allow me out of lessons if i'm to upset of feeling really bad with having to explain myself.

    I've been told to write down three things that make me smile and try to do atleast one of them a day, but i found this really hard and it made me feel worse cause i none of the things could make me smile.

    Ally x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi,

    I might do that cause my room could do with a good clean lol.

    I don't have any other family i could talk to cause i'm not close to any of them, i have my mum, dad, grandma and nan but i can't talk to them cause i'm too close to them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ino, everyone keeps telling me to keep talking but they don't understand how hard it is and i'm a shy person anyway.

    Thanks For The Advice
    Ally x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi,
    I have my next appotment with my counsiler on thursday and i have a lot to ask her and a lot to talk about but untill then i was woundering if any on knows anything about depressive illness, as i have been diagnosed with it but i have no idea what it is. Also i keep hearing a voice speaking to me telling me what to do but there is no one there. Its hard to explain:confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Ally,

    Depressive illness is basically depression, i saw that someone has already given you a link to some info on here about depression, but it was a while ago so i thought you might find it useful to have it again. :)

    It's good that you're seeing your counsellor this week, and that you've thought about the stuff you want to talk to her about. It sounds like you've really been through a lot these past few weeks and hopefully speaking to her might make you feel a bit better.

    It might be good to discuss this voice you're hearing with your counsellor too, don't worry if you find it hard to explain, just tell her what you can and maybe together you can make some sense of it.

    You're doing really well in taking these steps Ally, hang in there and let us know how you get on. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi,

    I have discussed the voice i'm hearing with my counsiler and she said that people tend to hear it when they are feeling really low. I don't feel like i'm going crazy now. My counsiler also said she want's to see me every week because she is worried about me.

    I have been feeling really bad the last few days and my mum said its side-affects from the AD's, I haven't eaten or slept for about two days, i keep having sucide thoughts and i have started self-haing again :( i just stay in my room and cry all day.

    Ally x
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