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Bittah Poetry
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
May aswell post some of my work on here =], See what y'all think.
You Don't Realize
You seem to like making me feel like this.
Worthless.
Pathetic.
Wrong.
Why are you doing this,
Give me a reason, Why you want me gone.
Through everything I have stumbled,
Pushed my way through these streets,
Where I have walked alone,
Nowhere to go,
Took all these kicks and beats,
I watch you write these words,
I bet you think you’re the best
But you’re just a little kid,
With my patience you’re trying to test.
I hate how you can get everyone,
To stick up for you, not me,
And I hate how everyone is blind,
My pain they cannot see.
They can see my tears and scars,
My depression and my dread,
But I am yet to take these pills,
To rest my broken head.
Ah, you know when I am gone,
You’ll soon realize,
How much pain you’ve brought to me,
By liking to patronize.
I’m going to crash and burn,
Alone in my cold dark mind,
But that does not matter,
As I will once again be left behind.
Getting Rid Of Me
Curled up in the corner,
Light slowly fading away,
Darkness creeps in,
Why couldn’t you stay?
Feeling distraught,
Cant seem to sleep anymore,
Problems killing me slowly,
Much stronger than before,
Need to tackle the pain,
I don’t want to feel weaker,
So I get the sharp blade,
And cut deeper.
My poetry is carp,
And I don’t know where its going,
But ill just keep on cutting,
To keep the blood flowing.
I don’t see the point of life,
If I go home it will just be the same,
So I will stay out here in the cold,
And look at the person you’ve became,
The funny thing,
You don’t know you’re the cause of this,
And the best thing for you,
When I’m gone I wont be missed.
I’m just a walking disaster,
A disease waiting to be killed,
But now I’m gone,
I guess your mission is fulfilled.
More to the happier side of life...
Special Moments
Burning hot sun,
Shining down on us,
Dogs running around,
Wanting food and fuss.
Children playing around,
Screaming out with glee,
We’re loving this moment now,
We’re outside and free.
Fresh air making us calm,
That smell of a new day,
Priceless laughter and smiles,
Keeps the sadness away.
BBQ chicken,
Sausages and more,
Makes the children wild,
Happiness to the core.
Fathers reading,
And mothers bathing in the sun,
Makes us really realize,
What a special moment this has become.
Then back to the Depressing Stuff. :thumb:
Him + Her
I guess, I could of made things easier,
I guess, I could of lent you a hand,
I wish, that I could change things now,
I wish, I could of whimpered to your demand.
Everyday, I think of your laugh,
Everyday, I think of your smile,
Tomorrow, I don’t want to think about,
Tomorrow, you will make it worthwhile.
Never, did I think of myself,
Never, did I feel I let you down,
Forever, I will think of you,
Forever, I will always smile not frown.
Here, I’m feeling so much pain,
Here, I wish I was with you,
Now, I know what I want to change,
Now, I think you feel the same way too.
I know, That you think of her,
I know, That you wish you were close,
Fear, You are hiding from it all,
Fear, Its time to take an overdose.
Him, He is extraordinary,
Him, I wish we could be,
Her, He wants to make it work,
Her, But only wish she would see.
Feelings, They are all over the place,
Feelings, They seem to jump about,
Always, You will feel the grief,
Always, You will feel an inch of doubt.
You Don't Realize
You seem to like making me feel like this.
Worthless.
Pathetic.
Wrong.
Why are you doing this,
Give me a reason, Why you want me gone.
Through everything I have stumbled,
Pushed my way through these streets,
Where I have walked alone,
Nowhere to go,
Took all these kicks and beats,
I watch you write these words,
I bet you think you’re the best
But you’re just a little kid,
With my patience you’re trying to test.
I hate how you can get everyone,
To stick up for you, not me,
And I hate how everyone is blind,
My pain they cannot see.
They can see my tears and scars,
My depression and my dread,
But I am yet to take these pills,
To rest my broken head.
Ah, you know when I am gone,
You’ll soon realize,
How much pain you’ve brought to me,
By liking to patronize.
I’m going to crash and burn,
Alone in my cold dark mind,
But that does not matter,
As I will once again be left behind.
Getting Rid Of Me
Curled up in the corner,
Light slowly fading away,
Darkness creeps in,
Why couldn’t you stay?
Feeling distraught,
Cant seem to sleep anymore,
Problems killing me slowly,
Much stronger than before,
Need to tackle the pain,
I don’t want to feel weaker,
So I get the sharp blade,
And cut deeper.
My poetry is carp,
And I don’t know where its going,
But ill just keep on cutting,
To keep the blood flowing.
I don’t see the point of life,
If I go home it will just be the same,
So I will stay out here in the cold,
And look at the person you’ve became,
The funny thing,
You don’t know you’re the cause of this,
And the best thing for you,
When I’m gone I wont be missed.
I’m just a walking disaster,
A disease waiting to be killed,
But now I’m gone,
I guess your mission is fulfilled.
More to the happier side of life...
Special Moments
Burning hot sun,
Shining down on us,
Dogs running around,
Wanting food and fuss.
Children playing around,
Screaming out with glee,
We’re loving this moment now,
We’re outside and free.
Fresh air making us calm,
That smell of a new day,
Priceless laughter and smiles,
Keeps the sadness away.
BBQ chicken,
Sausages and more,
Makes the children wild,
Happiness to the core.
Fathers reading,
And mothers bathing in the sun,
Makes us really realize,
What a special moment this has become.
Then back to the Depressing Stuff. :thumb:
Him + Her
I guess, I could of made things easier,
I guess, I could of lent you a hand,
I wish, that I could change things now,
I wish, I could of whimpered to your demand.
Everyday, I think of your laugh,
Everyday, I think of your smile,
Tomorrow, I don’t want to think about,
Tomorrow, you will make it worthwhile.
Never, did I think of myself,
Never, did I feel I let you down,
Forever, I will think of you,
Forever, I will always smile not frown.
Here, I’m feeling so much pain,
Here, I wish I was with you,
Now, I know what I want to change,
Now, I think you feel the same way too.
I know, That you think of her,
I know, That you wish you were close,
Fear, You are hiding from it all,
Fear, Its time to take an overdose.
Him, He is extraordinary,
Him, I wish we could be,
Her, He wants to make it work,
Her, But only wish she would see.
Feelings, They are all over the place,
Feelings, They seem to jump about,
Always, You will feel the grief,
Always, You will feel an inch of doubt.
0
Comments
I love poetry. My favourite is a wonderful poem called Desiderata ( http://mwkworks.com/desiderata.html )by Max Ehrmann.
I write a bit of poetry myself and I've reviewed quite a few as well so I thought I'd comment.
Out of the poems you've posted the one that stands out to me is Him + Her. It's contemporary, the rhyming is good and it flows very well. I really like it. The grammar isn't perfect - "could of" should be "could have" but I don't really see grammar as being of absolute importance in poetry, although in some poems it is necessary - it all depends on the feel of it.
"Could of", I would of put "could have" but i was trying to follow a certain placement of words, Ie- Repetition of "Could of", which personally i think sounded a little better =] But thanks alot for the comment.
With your grammar comment, I think you should read this brilliant poem i found on a website, but i'm not going to advertise it sorry =] Rules i need to stick to.
This is NOT my work.
I thought you may enjoy that =].
I did think you were trying to make a pattern with the use of words but it was just a guess.
Yeah I've read that poem a few times, it's brilliant!
Have you tried the urbis website yet? It's a website for poets to showcase their work and give and receive constructive comments. It can be brutal but on the whole it's very useful.