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Hello just wondered if anyone on here has had dealings with stalkers

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi I am a 34 year old single female who 5 years ago had a new neighbour move into the flat beneath me.

We became friends for a while but after a couple of months I felt there was something a little bit odd about her. She would get home from work and not be in more than a few minutes and phone to ask me to go to hers for a cup of tea. At first I was relieved to get on so well with my new neighbour as the soundproofing between the flats is not very good at all so it is better to get on with each other so any problems any of us had could be sorted out between us without (I thought) things getting nasty.

Anyway like I said I was finding the new neighbour was taking up most of my time either by phoning me or wanting to come out with me shopping and wanting to meet my friends. If she heard me upstairs she would be constantly phoning to ask me what I was doing then I would end up spending the evening with her just to shut her up for abit. I tried as politely as I could to say that I need to start living my life again and she would have to stop phoning and bothering me when she knew I was in.

Luckily she worked full time so it was only the evenings and weekends that I had problems. She started making complaints about me to my local council as I live in a council flat. She started getting the RSPCA around to me saying I wasnt looking after my dog propally who I loved with all of my heart. She caused me problems with the coucil saying I was deliberatly making noise late at night so I had a number of people visiting me reminding me of my tenancy agreement. She then one night when I had been out came at me from nowhere with a big stick and shoved it into my chest which resulted in me being taken to hospital. She was arressted about 5 days later but not charged through lack of witnessess and her turning the story around to be it was me that attacked her.

She then moved out about 3 months after this happened and that was it she tried selling the property but it didnt sell so she rented out for a 3 years and then returned back here just over a year ago. She now does not work and is in probably all of the time as whenever I get home she is always indoors.

I got home from shopping one day to find her speaking to my next door neighbour running me down again I hit the roof because the way I saw it was any problems that she had with me should have been sorted out between us she went to my neighbour to try to drag him into her parculiar world and cause me even more problems. I really shouted at her and told her to keep her nose out of my business.

I know I was stupid but I didnt want the bad feeling carrying on between us as it is difficult enough living in the flats with the soundproofing without there being ill feeling between the neighbours. I knew she was getting extremely angry again I heard her saying she hated living there and the woman upstairs knows I can hear her walking about so she shouldnt do it. She was making comments about how many cups of tea I make a day, how many trips I make to the loo.

Every new man she met and brought back which to date has been 7 or 8 in the past year she was running me down to them making me sound a really awful person. I think she tries to get them annoyed so that they will start giving me a hard time. The worse thing was listening to her voice whenever I was home. She laughs at the top of her voice and shouts constantly so she knows I can hear her. I have to turn my tv up loud in the evenings just to drown out her voice.

The other worse thing is she follows me around from room to room. If I am having a bath she will come in to go to the toilet as she knows we can hear this too. She will put her kettle on when she hears me she will come in the bedroom and start banging on the walls. If she hears me on the phone she will sit in silence listening to what I am saying and then making comments to someone on the phone about everything that I have just said. I now have to make all of my phonecalls out of the flat.

I ended up writing to her to say I had made all the arrangements to have soundproofing put in all she needed to do was to pay half as I cannot afford £7,000 to complete myself. She never replied to the 2 letters I sent her if anything it made her worse.I then wrote to her partner who lives up the road and asked him to have a word with her and she must have stopped seeing him as I have not heard him come to her place since.

The banging on the walls was a regular 5 minute occurrance slamming doors and making as much noise as she could was happening every half hour or so. She started staring at me through my windows, watching me everytime she heard me go out so a few months ago I went to my local Anti Social Behaviour Team they wrote to her twice and she didnt turn up at the meetings then when she did after the third letter her excuse was she couldnt make it because she works from home and had no time. I know this isnt true. Eventually they managed to speak to both of us seperatly and concluded nothing could be done because this was a sound issue problem they said exactly the same as the Environmental Health Team who I contacted 6 months ago. The police refuse to do anything as no crimes are being committed. Anti social said she shouts because she is foreign.

At the moment things are the same with the slamming doors, constant noise and shouting. I started staying up in the early hours of the morning as this was the only time I had on my own to sort things out in my head. She clocked on to this and now she stays up til 3ish still listening to what I am doing. I need some advice from people who are not a part of this who hopefully have just read this and had a lighbulb appear over their head to say yes I know why she is putting this girl through this.

I think it is because she wants revenge on being how she would see it as dumped when I asked her to let me breath for abit. Maybe also because she was arressted and because she was shouted at for bringing other people, my neighbour into her problem with me. I think it also may be abit of jealously as I do lead quite a fullfilling and apart from having this strange person around me and contented with life.

Anyway I could really do with some help here. I am keeping my head above water and doing all I can to ignore her but I went away for christmas and wasnt around people who was like her and now coming back to it has made me feel down so anyone who can give me their take on it would be so appreciated. Thanks for reading guys. xxx


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'll move this to home and law, where I think it sits a little better.

    Obviously your situation is very difficult, I'll see if I can find some places that can help you.

    In the short term it may be best to contact your local CAB, if you haven't already, to see if they can explore any possible legal solutions to the situation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nuisance neighbours can be a real pain in the arse.

    Police action: If she is following you around in a public place, if she shouts at you, abuses you or threatens you and there is a definite course of conduct, ie she does it every day and not just once a month then she can be issued with a harassment order. Anything that happens whilst she is inside her flat is an issue for the council, which are going to have problems if she owns the flat as they are more limited in what they can do.

    Your best course of action is to recontact the Environmental Health dept and the Antisocial behaviour team. Request diary sheets, and sound recording equipment. It will allow them to gather evidence that cannot be doubted. Without independant witnesses it isn't going to get anywhere.

    Unfortunately there is nothing that you can do about her badmouthing you to people.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your best bet, if you live in Birmingham anyway, is to get in touch with the councils anti-social/shitty neighbour dept. I had some problems with my neighbour at a previous adress and they were brilliant.

    FROM NOW ON KEEP A DIARY. Write down everything, absolutely everything she does that could be classed as anti-social, nuissance, illegal etc. It will prove invaluable if this has to go to court.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you are a council tenant, asking to be relocated might be an option. Do keep a diary, the following around the house thing is harrassment. I'd get the anti social team to spend an hour or so with you so they can actually experience whats going on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id imagine trying to find a new place would be the easiest thing no?
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