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I'm a 14 year old girl and i cant make myself come

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I need your help.

I've been with my boyfriend 4 over a year but we have not had sex yet.
But we do 4play and oral alot.
We do this nearly everytime we find some time alone.
My sex drive is crazy. But i never reach orgasm. And i know that alot of women never reach it but i really want to. I've masterbated 4 40 mins at the longest and never came. It still felt good but i really wana get there.
My boyfriend has licked me for atleast 15 mins each time and fingered 4 an hour but i never get there and by then his hand is almost fit to drop off. Lol. :razz:
What should i do. Any tips?
XXXX
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey MonkeySpunk,

    I myself know what you're talking about. I've never been able to bring myself to orgasm aged 23. I've had many boyfriends over the years and only 2 have been able to make me cum.

    The first guy took a year to make it happen and the second one gets near lockjaw when he tries. You're not alone and to be fair I'm not even sure what advice I can give you except that going down on you for 15 mins is probably not long enough. You need to be able to tell him to go "Up a bit,down a bit....a bit harder" (Ie. Directions to what feels good) until you can understand what feels good for you.

    Can I also just advise you that sex probably wouldn't make any difference, if anything be able to cum through penetrative sex is more difficult. In fact I can't cum that way unless I've been able to cum through oral stimulation.

    Sometimes if you think about cuming it can put you off and if anything you should concentrate on the feeling your having at the time rather than "What could be"..... you'll get there in the end I assure you.

    Happy New Year

    Xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for your reply.
    I dont want to have sex yet and im very happy that ive managed to wait a year. But i really would love to have that experience.
    It must feel amazing. It aint fair that its so easy for guys to come.
    For us its not! :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi im 24 been sexualy active seen 16 had alot partners +always come if i do myself take 5min at most sometimes 20min just relax+dont think about it to much when you are ready for all the way woman on top is GREAT I have the best orgasum that way too x:yippe:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But i heard that the first time you orgasm it takes ages to get ther and after that its easyer.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with StarCrossed. When i had my first orgasm i wasn't expecting it or was prepared for it at all!
    Also, you're only 14 and as most have said already, they didnt have an orgasm until they were much older. Just give it time and patience and dont concentrate or worry about it too much.
    Once you know what feels good for you, and how you can make yourself orgasm, it will be easier.
    xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't feel bad. Atleast you and your bf do things...I'm 17 and haven't been able to bring myself to orgasm nevermind have someone help me. You'll get there sooner than I will probably
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't feel bad. Atleast you and your bf do things...I'm 17 and haven't been able to bring myself to orgasm nevermind have someone help me. You'll get there sooner than I will probably

    why hello there

    let me direct you to our resident sex guru who may be able to help; stargalaxy!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It anoys me though. I really would love to experience it. I'm getting my first vibrator soon and maybe that will help?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It anoys me though. I really would love to experience it. I'm getting my first vibrator soon and maybe that will help?

    Yeah that could help. You're still young, I'm sure it'll happen soon enough.

    Just enjoy all the good feeling you get and you never know when you'll.. erm.. pop? :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It anoys me though. I really would love to experience it. I'm getting my first vibrator soon and maybe that will help?

    Shouldnt you be getting your first ipod at 14 instead of a vibrator?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks. I'm not very good at waiting.
    I'm very excited. Hahahahah.
    Yeah thats kinda wierd....................I donno. I dont get much enjoyment out of it. Thats why i want to reach orgasm.
    It will feel good.
    But what i do now doesnt feel that great. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm a very messed up child and if i had to explain that to you then by time ive stopped typing i would of writen a book. Lol. il give you a short story.
    I was forced to grow up fast when my parents split up. My mum was a suicidal alcho and my dad grew smoked and sold weed. I was left with my dad and at the age of 5 i had to walk 3 miles to school every dad on a busy road and home again. I had to cook my own dinner and look after myself. I would only see my dad for an hour or two every day and at that time he was usually stoned. I was beaten and nearly raped by some lad who was drunk in my house one day.
    I had to grow up fast and was very mature 4 my age. I am now 14 and i'm alot further ahead than most kids. But sadly very messed up and confused. Suicidal and depressed.

    Its a very long story but thats most of it. Everythings better now though. My dad remarried and is all better. My mum remarried too and is living in england.
    I'm in Ireland with my new family.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you are too young to have an orgasm. Give it a year or two and you will get there. I don't think I had one until I was 15/16 so give it time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm sorry, but i had my first orgasm a lot younger than 14, and my first vibe at 13...

    you are too young to have sex, remember that its against the law, but going solo is fine!

    just persevere!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    just persevere!

    I read that as "perverse", which it certainly isn't!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not going to have sex with my boyfriend but we do foreplay.
    I'm anoyed because sex isnt as good as i thought.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The best advice I can give you is to relax and not think about orgasming. The harder you try and the more you stress about it, the less likely it is that it'll happen for you.

    I think it's more likely that you'll orgasm by yourself the first time as you are more aware of what feels good for you, because they cant feel what you do :P

    Lay back, relax, think about sexy things, let your hand wander and see what happens :P
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not going to have sex with my boyfriend but we do foreplay.
    I'm anoyed because sex isnt as good as i thought.

    How do you know if you haven't had sex with him?

    Sex is great.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its really not all the time...it can be great...but be prepared for it not to be every time...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah apparently thats normal girls take longer than guys to orgasm.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well not sex. I mean sex stuff. Foreplay, oral...........
    It dont feel too good and i want it to be better.
    I try be creative and try new things.
    Ive got the karma suitra and lots of other books and read about tips.
    But i guess its better to figure it out for your self.
    But last year we went through a rough patch and broke up for two months.
    Before then we use to do sex stuff every time we got to be alone.
    (8 times a week)
    I always make him come. ALWAYS!
    He rarely makes me come.
    We got back together 3 months ago and have only done sex stuff 6 times in thise three months.
    I prefure this because it makes it more special.
    But he cant make me orgasm.
    And now he knows i'm getting a vibrator and want to make myself orgasm hes mad because he wanted to bring me there.
    But to be honest...I'm sick of waiting for him.
    He promised me a year ago he would get me there and he hasnt even tried! :no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it might not be all his fault. if you can't cum on your own its gonna be twice as hard for someone else who cant feel what you feel and know whats feeling great and whats not so great to make you cum. as soon as you know how to get to that orgasm and recognise the steps then it will be easier for both of u.

    just like for the other way round tho, there shouldnt be an obligation to make the other person come. . . he may be self concious that he can't make you come and so feels insecure i dunno. just another flipside

    14 is still pretty young either which way
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah. Hes very upset that he cant. And he trys so hard his hand cramps up and he hurts it real bad and he still keeps going even though i tell him to stop.
    Hes not happy that i want to try it myself cause he promised.
    But i dont know how i could help him.
    What if i used a vibrator on my clit while he fingered me?
    Would that help?
    What does it feel like when your coming to orgasm?
  • littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    You are already, it seems, in the mindset of 'sex is crap'. If you go in with that negative attitude then yes, it will be crap. You need to relax and enjoy the moment and rid yourself of these thoughts.

    Sex (including foreplay and oral) can be crap. Particularly when you overthink it.

    But sex can also be absolutely amazing and mindblowing. Including foreplay and oral.

    Also, without meaning to sound too patronizing, you are still very young. Take your time, don't rush things and it will all soon fall into place.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I love it because it brings me and my partner together.
    I just always feel guilty when hes doing me and i'm worrying ''what do i look like, the sounds im making are they too weird, is he bored, she i just say ive already come to let him have some fun,''
    I cant help it its just the way i am.
    What should i do?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you are trying to hard to orgasm or thinking things like do I look stupid, what does he think of the noises I am making etc you just wont get there.

    Its like a wave of pleasure and you so wont get there thinking thoughts like that. I don't always orgasm but I always have a good time in bed with my partner. Try just enjoying whats going on, experiment with new things and don't worry about letting go and enjoying yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know. But i find it so hard to clear my mind.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds to me like you achieving an orgasm has become a big focal point of sex and if you don't have it you are left disappointed - and any sex that leaves you disappointed is bound to put you off it in general. Maybe (this is a suggestion I've heard from elsewhere) if you both just try to have fun and not focus on either of you orgasming or whatever, there will be less pressure on both of you, and you will both relax more, feel more comfortable with each other, and so eventually hopefully enjoy it more.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think i nearly got ther last night.
    I was having fun with my boyfriend and i felt it really build up but then we had to go before i got there. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think i nearly got ther last night.
    I was having fun with my boyfriend and i felt it really build up but then we had to go before i got there. :(

    im sure it will happen soon :) dont worry!
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