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how to talk about sex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
ok hear it gose i met the most perfect girl in the world about 7 months ago and she is great she has a good job a great flat no kids and she is gorgus i mean what more could i guy ask for, well hear is where it starts obversly my fealings for her are strong we are ofically a couple and have been together since we met, now she is shy and i am not very good at talking face to face about how i feel, after 4 months i txt her just asking why we havent even talked about sex, now the reply i got was "dont wory its not you its my crazy issues" ok i can buy that obversly she finds it difficult to talk about it so i just said ok well id like ot understand we shoud just talk no presure. well thats all that has bin said well its now been another 3 months, thast 7 months together now we are young adults of 22 and 23, im 22 now she told me of a time abrod with friend she dissaperd with a guy now she told me this within weeks of meating i presumed she had sex with this guy, well apparantly not her friend told me she walked in on them and nothing happend so she wants me to think she has had sex and me and her friend think differnt, now was it rong to ask her friends? buy now im good mates with her beastfriends boyfriend and well guy talk and the convosation poped up have you "done it" i have shaerd a bed with her many times now but she just rolls over and she eather gose to sleep in about 100s of a second or shes pretending that she is asleep and praying that i dont ask her an orquard question or try anything, well thats not me like i said i find it haed to talk and its evern more difficalt knowing she dosent want to, now i dont want her to just have sex becuse i want to! she made he sooo happy on xmas eve she told me she loves me, now her friends never thort they would hear her say those words to anyone so i know i mean asmuch to her is she dose to me, i just want to know what is going on and will it happen i just want to be intermate, the futhest we have got is very intermate snogging witch i have to say is great but i want to be more intermate with her i love her alot and i what to show her phisicly.....

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its hard to make a no pressure situation to talk about it so dont even try, next time you are having your tea put the conversation that way - i know it doesnt sound like food conversation but she cant run away from the subject.

    Sometimes it is very very sensitive she will have to talk about it some time and its best not to talk about it in an emotional situation. If she reacts badly to the opening conversation let her cool off for a few days then ask a week later (its hard to guess how long, not knowing her)

    For your part you have to keep calm and just let her talk, don't bring your needs into it and just let her talk her problem out with you.

    She can't forever deny her issue, but you have to look at it as helping her sort her problem out rather than sorting out your sex life :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    agreed, I think you need to bring it up in a chatty situation rather than one which is directly pertinent to the problem - so don't bring it up in bed! But you're going to have to bite the bullet and confront the issue sooner or later; it's great that you've been so understanding so far but she's obviously got some issues around sex and if these aren't dealt with it will more than likely cause problems in your relationship long-term.

    Be brave and open up the topic with her at some relaxed moment. I don't think it's bad to make DISCREET enquiries to her friends, but at the end of the day she, and only she, knows what's going on inside her head.

    Good luck :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    great advice

    thank you so far for the great advice becuse it has completly changed my plan i was going to talk direcly about it and in bed! wow thats a big no go. your rite i have put my needs behind me and i am going to treat it as working out the issue. before she met me i was just like every other male wam bam thankyou mam but i met the most wonderfull person i just dont want her to fun a mile if i bring up an uncufortable conversation. i hope im no being greedy but just abit more advice would be cool, how do i start the convosation and its dificult to be alone as i live with my mum nd dad still and we dont very oftern spend time alone in her flat agen becuse i think she is scared of me bringing it up i meed i go round in the week and se cooks for me we watch the soaps and i go home. im also very difencive about my mates asking if we done it yet now i think it would be worse so lie and say yes now they take the micky obversly i meen i would if the shoe was on the other foot but i very nearly fell out with my mate over the issue and i just said mention it age and i WILL make you eat wour word and my fist. not my girlfirand shes great sends me out with my mates abd encurages it but im seeing them less and less because they will bring it up agen and i will lose my mates over a silly issue now dont tell me to just talk to them trust me that wouldnt work it would actually make it worse. god dam im in a mess!
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