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We had our 2nd phone conversation tonight, it went well. So she told me that she was going to meet this other online guy sooner than expected. She told me her plan for the few days that they would be together and all I have to say is what a stupid plan, what the heck is she thinking. Im not going to go into specifics but it is really stupid, I worry that she may be putting herself in danger if she goes through with this. And Im not just saying this cause im biased, it really is stupid. She asks me alot about what I think about her situation and I try to give her the best opinions that I can.
Jaloux is right I have to be a man about this and tell her what Im feeling. Not too soon of course. In a few months from now if I still haven't told her this is just gonna eat me up.
But for now we are off to a good start and am sure that good trend will continue.
Happy health everyone.
or
2. She is that seriously interested in you, but still prepared to try whatever is out there and meet other guys.
Whats to stop her continuing on talking to other guys on the net if you and her meet up?
My honest opinion is to tell her how you feel and then take it all from there. Is she stringing you along and would you want a relationship with someone who is open too in your relationship? She does come across that way to me. I wonder if you told her how you feel how she would react? Put yourself out of the misery and see how things really are.
Good luck
I don't know where I stand with her right now since I have yet to ask the question. I get the feeling that she considers me to be a good friend for her at the moment.
She has always said that she is unsure of the whole long distance relationship thingy. At times she doesn't know what to do or how to handle a unique situation.
If her and I ever meet up I would hope she would stop talking guys on the net and I would be the only one for you. This is where the ldr issues come into play. I would be willing to show some faith in her by trusting her and that she will make good decisions. She would also have to show some faith and trust in me and then her and I could move forward together.
Becks welcome back. Were you on holidays? Happy new year to you too.
No I don't think I would want a ldr with someone who wanted an open relationship as well. Can't really trust a person that much in that situation. Good advice I will do that. Thanks.
I have asked her this before and she has said oh I think your nice and sweet. Im not really buying that though. Really why would a person talk almost everyday to another person over messenger and now on the phone that they hardly know. She probably has alot of friends, why not just talk with them. She is extremely shy though and I am too. Maybe she is waiting for me to make the first move. We flirt alot with each other and I ask her if she is serious. She says oh Im just joking around.
Maybe Im the only person she can talk to about the other guy. She has lied to all her friends and said she wasn't talking to the other guy anymore. Because they don't approve of there relationship at all. But when we talk she rarely brings him up, we just talk about each other.
You have all said I should nip this in the bud and find out where I stand with her. When should I be doing this? Should I get to know her a bit better first or is right away the better choice?
Thanks everyone.
You say you're good friends but the truth is that you can't be friends with her if all you're thinking about is how you'd like to take things further. Then you're setting yourself up for a dysfunctional unequal friendship where she's holding the reins. For you there's nothing to be gained except pain.
What I think is happening is that you're talking to her and thinking about 'more' while she's talking to you as a friend. If you've said or indicated nothing then she'll either be blue eyed or act that way and use you to continue talking about her bloke.
You should find out what she's really thinking sooner rather than later, there's a risk she won't want to talk to you anymore but in full honesty, it's better than being dragged along for months because nothing indicates she's about to stop unless something changes. Why would she choose when she can have her cake and eat it?
If you talk every day and have talked on the phone then I see no reason to wait. What exactly would you be waiting for?
Im the only one she talks to about this other guy. She told me that her friends don't approve of this online relationship saying that in the end she will only get hurt. She has even lied to them saying that the relationship is over but it is not.
Yeah I really like talking to this girl. We've become alot closer lately since we've been talking on the phone. She trusts me alot more now, I can tell. The thing is Im scared to ask her right now, I don't want to lose her or scare her away if I act to quickly. But I have to eventually say something to her about how I feel. If she said yes I like you too that would make me so happy but if she said no that would be really sad for me and it would be probably be best that we don't talk to each other anymore.
A couple of months ago she was texting him early in the morning as he got ready for work. He accidentally sent her a dirty text, she doesn't like that sorta thing. He explained that it wasn't meant for her but for a close friend he was talking to. I told her I think he's cheating on you. Because really I don't know many guys that text so early in the morning with a close friend and start talking dirty to them. Unless there's something going on between the two of them. I guess he got really defensive about it and said there just close friends. I don't believe it myself. What do you all think? Is he cheating or are they just close friends?
She also told me that she doesn't want to talk to him anymore, but when he starts texting her, she told me that she would eventually give in. She then asked me if it would be okay if she could call me to serve as a distraction. Think she's in the beginning stages of wanting to get away. Btw I told her yeah we can do that, no problem. She is really going to be hurt if this takes place, think thats where it is going though.
When she finally finds out when I tell her I don't want her to be thinking stuff like "oh you just said all that stuff about him cause your jealous and want me for yourself". I am a little bit jealous because I wish she was talking to me like that. But at the same time Im trying to give her my honest opinion without any biased, up to now I have done that.
Jaloux what do you think now? Should I still tell her right away or maybe wait a little longer till this thing blows over? Thanks.
As for the long distance thing i think age would come into it alot. if you young without any ties it wouldn be as hard 2 move 4 some1 as it would be if you have kids, mortgage etc
i moved from england 2 ireland 2 and a half years ago. i have since got speaking to a girl i went out with wen i was 13 through myspace. we have met half a dozen times now and things couldn be going better! planning our first hols
its early days but from what i can see your current situations could make or beak a long distance relationship
theres my little story for ya
Hey nice story. Hope everything works out for you. Yeah the ability to move without any ties holding you down is important. I've already asked her if she would be willing to move for anyone and she said no. But I would be willing just because there really isn't much holding me down where I currently am.
Its also big because you cant just go on regular dates to get to know each other and everytime you do meet its costly. Im realising this early on that we will inevitabley be faced with big decisions which is hard for a new couple.
and then it goes from i could move close to the awkwardness of should i move in with you. which im experiencing write now! luckily i think she feels the same as she did mention it but its like big scary decisions and changes with someone that i hardly know!
so there is definitely alot in making a long distance relationship work but at the same time if it does you could be with someone really special
Also asked her if I could have her address. Just wanted it so I could send her a couple of things for valentines day. She said no. I can understand that. Can't really give out your personal info to someone you hardly know. I told her why I wanted it and what I was planning to do. We agreed to send each other e cards on that day.
Right now is about the time of night we start talking to each other. Im always so happy this time of day. I couldn't imagine what it would feel like if her and I stopped talking to each other, it would be so sad and depressing for me.
"If she wasnt involved with this other guy"
She isnt going to like you if you plan for her relationship with this other guy to fail, which is ultimately her decision anyway.
On the upside though, the longer you keep talking the better. This will show she feels something for you. Who knows there might not even be another guy she just wants to play safe with you.
The harsh reality is untill you meet your only talking buddies. The only thing that will help is patience.
I met my girl then didn't see her again for 8 months! and that was tough. I never really had hope untill we met again. Lucky enough its been everything i wanted since then.
I'm afraid at your stage its a waiting game. Hope this helps
I've told her that all the advice I had given to her up to now about this other guy is the truth. I didn't say all that stuff to her to break them up so I could get my turn with her. She is in the early stages of leaving him. He isn't right for her and I think she realizes this.
Don't know if you have read the whole thread thus far but her and this other guy have only known each other a couple of months and have never met. They have only talked on the phone up to now. What I find odd is that she has never called him, its always him calling her. She has called me before. Well too late I am hung up on her and know the odds are against me. He has already screwed up with her a couple of times already, he'll do it again. Also if you knew some of the other things that have happened which I haven't said in any of my posts it is obvious that he is cheating on her with someone else. Another thing she doesn't consider the two of them together.
Might not get to see her for awhile. Might not be till the end of the year. I have told her that I would like to meet her and she said that she wanted that too. Good sign I think.
End of the year?? It's only the 9th of January!
I think you should pursue other avenues. Pining for a girl who's trying to maintain a relationship with somebody else she's never met plus you not being able to meet her for months and months is just not a basis for much.
To me, this is a very hopeless situation. You told her how you feel (kudos for that!), she told the truth about the other guy but of course she wants to keep you around as second-best or somebody to complain about her love interests to.
You have to take relationship materials to the real world to give them substance. I say this because I've actually tried being in a relationship online and it was the stupidest thing I've ever tried. Now I'm dating somebody I met online but we met offline shortly after getting to know each other and we don't even talk online anymore. It's all offline. He seemed like a great friend online but I didn't start developing any genuine feelings for him until we met offline and started hanging out together.
I however understand what you're going through and I don't doubt you'll give this more time but make sure you're not completely blue eyed, question her actions/motives and first and foremost, don't shut out other options in case they actually flesh out which this is not going to do for a long long long time, if ever.
Good luck buddy
When I said the end of the year I really meant maybe end of summer possibly earlier, I don't know yet, its a long time away and things have a way of changing. You just don't know sometimes.
Some of you have already said not to get too hung up on her and to find someone closer. Thats probably good advice. Well im already hung up on her and I don't want to find someone closer.
Before her I didn't think that not having a gf was affecting me that much. I was content with the way things were. You might be thinking what is so special about this girl. I have to say she is one of the nicest and sweetest person I have ever met. You may think this is impossible since we have never met. I don't want to let this chance pass me by, who knows if I will ever meet a girl as nice as her again.
She was hungry and wanted to go and eat something, so Im going to call her in a bit. But as the two of us hung up the phone she asked me if I would miss her till then. Of course I'll miss you till then I said.
Do you think a woman would lead me on like that? Especially after finding out that I said I liked her just the previous night. I don't think so. Very good sign I think. Her and I seemed impossible in the beginning and might still end up that way but I feel alot more optimistic now.
I don't know what it is but I get the feeling that something has changed between her and I in the last couple of days. A good thing though. She seems alot more interested and flirtier then before.
It seems that you really like this girl and thats nice. Its also good that she is showing signs of interest towards you.
Now to elaborate on my last post. I know it may be hard but just try not to take everything so literally. If you create a little bubble around the situation it will only be hurtful if it pops.
In no way do i mean to be harsh but without meeting her you should take it that you have nothing with her. I can relate to the way you feel as i often over think things. All im trying to say is enjoy talking to her but dont get ahead of yourself. Think about what is fact to avoid getting hurt.
I did re read your last post. I read every post in this thread and consider what is said. Why does it seeem like Im not listening. Haha. LOL. I can be stubborn sometimes. LOL.
Yes I do really like this girl and would do anything to make it work with her. I also think that she likes me a little now, we just don't know each other that well right now.
No I don't think your being harsh at all, I appreciate all opinions, whether positive or negative. I know I have to go and see her and see how the two of us get along. Also to see if there can be something more then just a friendly relationship on the phone.
Lets just say I wan't very pleased when I heard about this, but I can understand why she needs to go. I've told her all the reasons why I think this is such a huge mistake. She doesn't seem to want to listen to common sense though. Got kinda sad when she told me the news.
I always thought that things between her and this other guy were never going to work out. Theres just so many problems with this relationship that could make it fail, the things she has told me. I worry a little bit now, what if things go great between them. They could also go there own ways after a time, but this could take months even years. Guess I just have to wait and see how things play out. Maybe there meeting won't go good and im worrying about nothing, but if it does what then. I don't think I could continue talking to her when she is with someone else. Not trying to sound selfish or anything but I don't think I can just be friends with her now. Time will tell I guess.
I would advise not to expect anything untill at least a few meetings. If you do yor putting yourself at great risk of getting hurt.
I agree its probably better to see how a few meetings go first and then go from there. Chances are high that I will get hurt somewhere along the way. Think this can play out in three different ways. She stays with the other guy and I get hurt. I spend some time with her and we go our own ways eventually or I spend some time with her and things eventually work out.
I do have lots of feelings for her even though we've never met. I just can't explain it. Im not the type of person that just falls for someone over the internet. She just feels right for me, the things that I know about her now. Probably sounds crazy to you though.
There's so much wrong with your situation but I am pretty certain you'll only find out in your own time.
Not sure how much but it would involve getting on a plane. Not too expensive though. But enough so that even if I did travel to meet her would only be able to do it every few months. It would be like this at first but who knows situations and circumstances have a way of changing.
Yeah your right I'll only find out in time. Think its a good sign she has chosen to continue talking with me, after she found out I liked her she could have easily let me down easily and cut off communication but she didn't do that.
This is my first post on these boards..so be gentle with me
ive been following your posts...
im in a similar situation myself..the same as you..but with a guy ive been talking to on and off for 4 years (yeah long time lol)
weve been mates for a long time now..and hes been having many reallife issues..and ive been there as a close friend..chatting on msn...phoning texting..emailing etc etc..and like a fool..i fell for him.
so i decided to tell him...and guess what..no answer off him.:razz:
i know now i should have kept it too myself..but i didnt
i was actually expecting this..and ive decided to keep my head down and keep my distance..until he decides to contact me.
i just want to say...be careful...dont let your feelings get in the way like mine did...just try and be friends..