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wy does she do it?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
im 15, and ive been best mates with gemma for 13 years.
she means the world to me and i love her with all my heart.

but recently shes been having troubles at home, she lives with her mum, her step dad and 11yr old brother. her stepdad ALWAYS has a go at her, calling her dumb and stupid and makes her feel like shit! and she reckons her mum dosent care about her either.
but now shes started cutting her arms; using razors, scissors and probably other things.
she told me and ttwo other close friends and her boyfriend. we all told her not to do it and she promised us, but she told me today she done it again.
i nearly cried i was heartbroken. she broke my promise and done that! on the way home we talked and she acted like it was nothing bad and she didnt care if i didnt talk to her over it.
i told her that she was depressed and that she had people that love her and shes hurting them aswell as herself, if she has the chance she would take drugs, shes vulnerable and knows a lot of people that take drugs who would happily give them to her, she said she didnt know. she reckons her bf dosent love her even though he thinks the WORLD of her! she just not herself anymore.
and i hate it cause i cant do anything about it. i love her soo much and to know shes doing this isnt right.

sorry its loong, pleasee right back.


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can't really do anything I think except let her know you're there. She's obviously going through a messed up phase and honestly the last thing you want is for her to make you messed up too. Be open, honest with her. Let her know you're there. But don't go about exhausting every last ounce of emotional energy and happiness you have left on trying to fix her because it wont work.

    When the time is right she'll come talk to you about it, or something will have to kick her into gear and realise herself she needs to seek help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lauren-01 wrote: »
    we all told her not to do it and she promised us

    That is a very, very difficult thing to promise and you were wrong to ask that of her. I'm not trying to be a bitch but I have been in her position - people always asked me to stop and I always said ok - and I hurt a lot of people because I broke a lot of promises because I just couldn't keep them.

    What you need to understand is that the cutting is a release for her and it makes her feel better, if only for a short amount of time. Obviously she's going through a lot right now so the best thing for you to do is to be supportive. Listen to her when she tells you about her problems and try not to lecture her. This is her way of coping, and while that doesn't make it right, having a go or making her feel guilty is only going to make her feel worse. Is there a counselling service at your school? Perhaps suggest that she speaks to her tutor in confidence about it, but if she says no, don't push it. She does need help but she has to want to get it, otherwise she will just resent you for pushing her.

    Also, point her towards these forums. They were massively helpful to me, as I know they have been to others.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Lauren

    Sorry to hear about your friend.You may find the thread on depression & self-harm in the Health & Fitness forum useful, have a look here:http://vbulletin.thesite.org/showthread.php?t=33791

    In the mean time I'm going to move this over there too as you may find you get some more useful responses and advice from people who have gone through similar situations.

    As ShyBoy said just let her know that you're there for her and retaining the honesty you have with one another will help her to know she can turn to you when she needs to talk.

    Take care :)
  • C FunkC Funk Deactivated Posts: 163 Helping Hand
    Hey Lauren :wave:

    I’m really sorry to hear that your friend is going through a rough time at the moment. She’s very lucky to have a friend like you who cares about her so much :thumb:

    It’s really hard to know exactly how you can help a friend when they are self-harming, and like the title of your thread suggests, it can be extremely difficult to understand why your friend wants to hurt herself.

    Self-harmers tend to hurt themselves as a way of coping with painful and difficult feelings - they aren’t trying to get attention. To try and understand what Gemma is going through at the moment I would suggest doing some research into self-harm. You might also find our article on supporting a self-harmer useful.

    It might also be a good idea to get Gemma to talk about her feelings and how concerned you are about her. There are loads of support routes for Gemma to go down and perhaps it would be a good for you to signpost her to these and encourage her to talk to a professional.

    The Bristol Crisis Centre for Women run local support groups for young women who injure themselves, and also have a national self-harm helpline for women in distress. There number is 0117 925 1119. They’re open on Fridays and Saturdays between 9pm – 12.30am and on Sunday between 6pm – 9pm. Saneline is another organisation that offers support to self-harmers. There number is 0845 767 8000 and are open every day between 6pm and 11pm.

    If you’d like to ask any more questions, please post again, or if you’d like an answer to a specific question try using our AskTheSite service. Here you can get answers from trained professionals.

    I sincerely hope everything works out :thumb:

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