Another "I'm in love with my friend" post... oh dear...

Former Member

Hey everyone,

I know I don't have it as bad as many of the people on this awesome forum but this has been going on for so long now I thought I'd just see if anyone has any insight to shed on this...

So I've been in love with a friend of mine for about a year now. I have almost non-existant self-esteem so I can't allow myself to believe that he likes me too, although I've noticed some signs of flirting (of which my friends agree on) but I think this could just be him being a friendly guy. I've always been too scared to persue it any further for fear of rejection and losing a friend but for the last few months it's been bothering me more and more. It's like the most beautiful torture being around him because I want him so much and I know we'd be so good together but I can't show how I feel. Now I've read this article: http://www.thesite.org.uk/sexandrelationships/singles/singlelife/ilovemybestfriend
and I would love to just find the guts to talk to him, ask him out as more than friends and see where it goes. But the thing is, to "have fun with other people and try to find someone else that you fancy" does not come easily to me, you might say...

I'm 22 and have only had 2 boyfriends, one of which was horrible and ended 2 and a half years ago. I'm ridiculously shy, and very warey of people in general. I've not actually liked anyone since Mr. Horrible-Boyfriend years ago, and that didn't turn out too well for me. So I am no longer attracted to people by first impressions at all. The only reason I love this guy so much is because I've gotten to know him over the past year and a bit and we get on so well. So the chances of "finding someone else I fancy" are depressingly slim. There's no one at uni I like, I don't enjoy clubbing, I just don't see myself meeting anyone I like for a loooong long long long LONG time... and oh yeh did I mention? I'm painfully lonely as well.

God what a silly rant... Basically, there's nothing I can do. If I ask him out and he rejects me I can't just go and find someone else, it doesn't work like that for me. I don't know how people do it...

Thanks for reading this, I know it's small potatoes compared to other people's probalems and I apologise for being a moaner.

If anyone has any thoughts I'd really appreciate them being shared, however brutally honest they might be.

Thank you,

Rach x

Former Member

Sorry to hear that you are lonely...I know how it feels and your rant is not silly you are just expressing your feelings and would like someone to talk to you.
As for boyfriends...too many to mention hehe..at least 100 ...no not really some previous boyfriends have not been good either in the past.
As for first impressions they are not always a good start but you can get a feel of what they are like a little bit and over time it is about getting to know someone as a friend. I would not worry about the time in finding someone else but if you like this person then maybe you could try to see how things go there is nothing to lose.

You have to find out for yourself if he rejects you or not otherwise you will never know because you did not take the chance.

Former Member

Hi Rachael, (or is it Rachel?) - I read your post and I understand where you are coming from. One of the bigger issues I feel is your lack of self esteem because although obviously it's going to affect your love-life it's going to have much wider affects for example on your career, your happiness, etc. I would say that's something you need to focus on as an area of your life you're going to decide to improve.

So, maybe as the first step of affirmative feelings of self worth - you are good enough for this guy - so prove that to yourself by asking him on a date. It doesn't have to be major - just hanging out maybe grab lunch in town? If he says no, well that's because of his feelings and you can't help that - but you can hold your head high because you believed in yourself and took a positive step in making your life better.

After the first step, the rest tends to come quite easily!

Former Member

Thank you both for your insights. I've been thinking about what you've said a lot. I know my self esteem is a big issue in my life but I don't know how to improve it really... I think, for now anyway, just asking him out is too scary for me. I know it might boost my self esteem in one way as I'd have gone for it and survived rejection but it would crush me in other ways. And like I said, I can't just move on to another person just like that. Really doesn't come naturally to me, hehehe. I need to stop thinking about this until after Christmas anyway. Uni is manic for the next 2 weeks, then said bloke is off home for 3 weeks, so that's gonna suck. So it can be my new years resolution I guess! haha! We'll see I guess. Thanks again xxx