New relationship worries

Former Member

I've been seeing a girl for about three weeks - we met online and didn't know each other previously. I really clicked with her... we had sex on the first night we met and have been like a couple since then, very affectionate etc. She's told me she likes me a lot and feels comfortable with me. A couple of days ago however she told me (not randomly, it partially came out in a drinking game) that she couldn't remember how many people she'd slept with but she thinks it's about 17. I was pretty shocked since she's only just 18 and i'm 23 and have only slept with 4 people including her - i'm not the type to sleep around. I hid it at the time but I feel really put off by this revelation, am I being unfair?

We have not made it official or anything yet but i'm a bit paranoid now because she's very active on faceparty with the flirty comments etc and several other sites (she has a very suggestive nuts profile too with revealing pics) and i'm worried she'll be meeting other men for sex, something that really puts me off wanting to be with her tbh.

I really us to make it official before but now i'm not so sure

Am I being unreasonable here?

**helen**

Hey there,
While I think it's reasonable to feel 'put off by the revelation' as we all have different views on sex, I think there needs to be a clear distinction made between people who might have had sex with lots of people and those who would actually cheat on a partner in order to have sex with lots of other people - It seems unfair to assume that a person who has had lots of sex is also automatically going to be unfaithful.

Also, she might have never shared this information with you had it not been for the drinking game - so perhaps try and think about the things that attracted you to her in the first place, and what she's like when the two of you are hanging out? If you're really enjoying her company, then it might be a shame to lose her over this new information. It might also be a good idea to talk more about sex in general and how it makes you feel.

You might also find TheSite.org's article on Stud vs Slag interesting.

I hope this helps a little.

Former Member

Thanks Helen.

I'm probably paranoid because i've been cheated on before. This girl admitted in the same game that she'd cheated in the past. I just really really don't want it to happen again!

I want to talk to her about it but i'm worried i'll just blurt out everything i've been thinking and she'll run for the hills, lol.

**helen**

Hey, It's horrible to be cheated on so it's not surprising you have this worry, but sometimes it can help to have little discussions about one thing at a time to prevent the 'blurting' as you so aptly describe it. It's great you've identified your overall worry though.

It can help to know why someone has cheated in the past and how they feel about it now. Often people learn from past mistakes and although you probably haven't cheated in the past, you may be aware of things you've done in the past that you'd rather forget, or put behind you - I think it's fair to say most of us do right? By being open and honest about your own experiences, you may find you can get closer to her and feel more secure in the relationship. You may find this article on communicating as a couple useful.