I Cant Get Over Her

Former Member

about 6 weeks ago i split up with my girlfriend. everything was fine up until that point and the relationship had lasted 6 months. before we were together we had been best friends for over 2 years. i had always liked her but i never told her. then in march she spilt with her bf who was a complete and total twat! i was there for her apparently and she began to start likin me. those 6 months were the best of my life and every moment spent with her was precious. she said she felt the same way about me. then outta the blue she split up with me on a monday. that night we were talkin and we were back together again, though two days later she split again and tht time was for real.
she told me she wanted to be single for a while which i think is fair enough. however two days later i saw her with another boy. single for two days... wow!:mad:
she is still with this boy a month later. however in that month we are still really close friends. the same day she started going out with this boy she came to a party at my house and got drunk. whilst drunk she said that she still loved me though she couldnt because she loved this other boy. tbh i dont think u can love someone just like... but that something different. still in the same night she kissed me and then slept in my bed. she told her bf and he said it was fine though he didnt like it.

a month on i still cant get over her. and i cant help but shake this feelin that she still has feelings for me. one night when we were with some mates she sent me a text sayin '**** i think i like u again...:S' though later said that she didnt mean it and that she was just missin her bf. she doesnt see him during the week as they live quite far away however she is used to seein her bf everyday as we lived just around the corner from each other.

i dont like the way he treats her:mad: he once asked her if she minded if he got drunk would she mind if he accidently cheated on her! :mad: wtf?!?:mad: and once she told him i wasnt there with her wich was true. when i arrived she didnt tell him i was there and he found out somehow and just disssapeared offline without saying goodbye and rejected all her calls :eek2: :mad: i cant see what she sees in him!:crying:

please i want your advice on this people. i cant sleep at night coz i am thinking about her and all day she haunts my mind. my first love and my only love:crying:

i may sound pathetic but this girl means everything to me:crying:
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TheBrokenOne

Former Member

There is unfortunately no way to get over someone quickly... Distracting yourself by burying yourself in work or other activities will help, but ultimately only time will fix a broken heart.

It also may help if you cut off communications with her entirely, although that may not be possible if you work/go to school/etc together!

Being pathetic at times like this is perfectly normal, you'll get through it though

Former Member

yeah i do a lot of sport training and am occupied a lot of the time but if my mind wanders for even a second she appears in my mind and i think of used to bes and could haves.:crying:

i may only be 14 but there aint an age for love. i know i did love her and i still do. i just wanna know if she stil has feelings for me:chin:

i just want her back!:crying: :crying: :crying:

Former Member

You are 14, and while it seems like the end of the world, you still have another 3/4 years before you even hit being an adult.

You have hardly been split up with her for a long time, so might be worth seeing what you feel about her after a few more weeks.

Former Member

give it more than six weeks before you start writing your life off!

i know it's hard, but you are young, try to relax. you might get back together, you might not, but things will be ok in the end.

Former Member

Seems this girl is just messing about with you. First, six weeks is no time to get over a relationship, but sometimes it's easier to cut all bonds. It's hard initially, but better in the long run.

Former Member

I dont mean this in a nasty way, but thinking your life is over after 6 weeks, after a relationship breakup at your age.

If you were an adult with little or no means to pay the mortgage because you have been made redundant, thats when you need to start worrying majorly about things.

Give things time, you will be fine.;)

Former Member

I wonder if she is just using you when it suits you and playing with your mind? I dont really know you or her but you also say you are 14....boy you have plenty of time to find the real one. I know it hurts whatever age you are but do you really want this girl to be constantly playing with your mind?

Former Member

It's not fair what she's doing to you. You sound like a really sweet guy and you deserve better than these mind tricks. As everyone's said, time is the only thing that heals wounds like this, and it's horrible that it takes so long. You have some power to help yourself though, and hopefully reduce the amount of time you're hurting. Take a stand and make it clear you won't be used. She can either have only you or not have you at all, and it'd be her loss if it's the latter. If this is the unfortunate decision she makes then you have to force yourself to cut yourself off from her as much as possible. You can take control of your life and help yourself move on.

I hope she grows up a bit and gives your relationship another chance. Or if she doesn't maybe she needs to go through certain things and have her heart broken a few times before she realises what a sweet deal she had with you. It'll happen if it's right, and when it's right. And if it doesn't you'll eventually find someone who deserves you.

Good luck! x

Former Member

MrG wrote: »

I dont mean this in a nasty way, but thinking your life is over after 6 weeks, after a relationship breakup at your age.

If you were an adult with little or no means to pay the mortgage because you have been made redundant, thats when you need to start worrying majorly about things.

Much as I get your point, MrG, how helpful (or patronising) would you have found this comment at age 14? When you haven't had the life experience to compare levels of emotion with, this kind of situation really does hurt. Telling people they're too young for their feelings to be valid does nothing for their self-esteem or to help them with their problems, which is exactly what this young man's come on the boards to ask for.

To the OP, have you re-read your post on here? If this were a friend of yours, what advice would you give him? Has he been treated well by this girl, or does it sound like she's stringing him along so she can get as much attention as possible from as many boys as she can?

It sounds to me like she's making sure you can't get over her (by sleeping in your bed and telling you she still likes you), and is making the guy she's currently with jealous by still hanging out with you. This might be because she has low self-esteem and wants reassurance that she's attractive, or because she just loves attention and wants boys to want her. I have to say I also feel bad for the guy she's currently seeing; no wonder he was cross when he found out you were at her house; he doesn't feel like he can trust her and you're the person she's playing him off against.

As everyone here has said, I would reduce the amount of time you spend with her and the amount you talk to her. Get cross about the way she's treating you; you're worth more than that. Maybe seeing you stand up for yourself will wake her up to what she gave up.

And finally, my favourite phrase, courtesy of my grandad: "This too shall pass". Time has a wonderful knack of numbing wounds, so keep yourself busy, surround yourself with friends, and after a while this will just be another memory. Good luck!

Former Member

Pretty much similar to saying I might as well not take advice from someone who's older than me and allready been through a problem Im going through now?

I didnt say his feelings were invalid, I was reinforcing the fact that this is not the end of the world and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

As i have been there before at his age, and know what its like.

Former Member

Yea but you do come across as patronising :P lol

To the OP it takes time unfortunately, I've been there and it really does suck. And don't believe anything they say, ime people when they break up and afterwards say all sorts for all sorts of reasons. I had a girl break it off saying she just didnt want a relationship - makes her feel good that she 'lets me down gently' - but then she went out with my best mate. It was like, truth didn't actually matter at all - absolute truth, that is. If she can say one thing to me and something else to someone else, that was fine.

There was no such thing as 'being brutally honest' which led to false hope and ultimately more pain for me in the long run! So, based on my experiences, I have learnt you need to be cynical about what people tell you about their feelings - ESPECIALLY if it's relatively significant (people are less likely to lie about liking their cereal than they are to lie about liking you).

Best of luck with anything, but from the bottom of my heart my advice would be to move on because you don't need someone who can't be honest with you or herself.

Former Member

Its hard not to come across as patronising on here, and i think sometimes when people try to deliberately avoid coming across as it, it effects the integrity of their advice.

Former Member

I'm sure your intention wasn't to patronise. Wording was just a bit abrupt, that's all.

MrG wrote: »

"this is not the end of the world and there is light at the end of the tunnel".

"I have been there before at his age, and know what its like."

What you say here is much easier for someone to hear without compromising on honesty; in fact it seems truer to the point you seem to be aiming for.

Apologies to the OP; don't mean to hijack this thread.