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I think my wife is going to buy a strap-on

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
This sequel of posts were made by a member of another forum. It's just all his posts cropped together from 2 threads one being 55 pages and one being 20 pages long. I'm at the mo half way through and it's a terrible funny read. Possibly NWS tho.

jbarwick posted:
I mean, wow honey. She was discussing last night that she would really like to have a go at it, and see what it was like. I'm not really hip to that though, call me a prude. After dinner she made me watch some "Bend over baby" or some such title as that were a bunch of guys were getting done by strap ons by their women. Needless to say, she was miffed that I didn't get hard. I just wasn't turned on by it babe, sorry.

It's one thing to ask me to run around the house in your skirts and panties, that's ok I guess even though I feel stupid the sex is great afterwards. It's one thing to suffer an uncomfortable unlubed finger in the bum while you blow me, unexpected to say the least. That time I woke up and you were trying to get three fingers into me, yeah I forgave you.

I SWEAR THOUGH, IF YOU WALK IN THAT loving DOOR WITH SOME JOHN HOLMES LOOKING FREAK OF NATURE STRAP ON, I'M loving LEAVING.

My bag is already packed.

Had to post this here I guess, the confessions thread got closed.
I just called her to see what she was up to, said she was at the liquer store buying a bottle of patron(sp?) tequila. I'm pretty sure that's code for I'm going to get you passout drunk and put things in your butt. I'm going to have to google to find some good hotel rates I guess.
Been pricing the hotels, not finding anything under 50 a night though. I have one hour and ten minutes + the drive home to figure something out.

She's always had this butt fetish though, her's and mine I guess. We tried anal beads once, but I had never seen them and didn't know what the gently caress, so she tells me to stuff em in her butt, I do, we start playing around and getting freaky, she tells me to pull them out. So me, in my ignorance, pulled them out like I was starting a lawnmower or something.

Blood and tears people. Blood and tears, and a bit of poo.
She's home, I'm still at work. Leaving in 30.
Patron tequila, same thing she is bringing home tonight.
12 minutes or so, I'm going to start packing all my poo poo(haha, not funny) and getting ready to leave. I'll update here in a bit, once I find out what she's planning.
ok, heading home now. Update later.
I'm home. She's in the kitchen currently being all smiles and happyness. Plied me with 2 shots of tequila as soon as I walked in the door. Currently making a margarita and some queso and chips for me. I told her I needed to go check my email. On a preemptory scan of the place, nothing is out of whack. Unless you call out of whack a brand new pair of bertha panties laid out on the bed which are crotchless out of whack.

current mood: Worried.
We're fixing to eat burritoes. I love burritoes and tequila. On marg #2 now, I really love tequila, it just makes you feel so warm. I figure as long as I don't get pass out drunk I'll be ok, I hope. I have my sleeping bag, a pillow, and my door to the office locks. I might be staying the night in here. I also went and grabbed all those goofy key things that you put on top of the doors to unlock locked office doors so you can rear end surprise sex the unwilling participants inside, and put them in a safe place, that's in my office, that locks. So far no sign of a strapon, but she did ask if I saw my "gift" that was laid out on the bed. I think after burritoes she's going to want me to put it on. I might refuse.

Sorry, for those advising to stop drinking. Tequila is my weakness.
Ok, update after food. One, for everyone talking about "BURRITOES = POOO" well you were probably thinking bean burritoes. My wife made me burritoes as she knows they are my favorite. It's a chicken burritoe with moteray jack/chedder cheese, tomatoes, guacamole, sour cream, and served with a side of rice. I doubt I'm going to poo poo it out in two or more hours. Honestly, it will make a turd, but probably a tomorrow turd, not a today turd. Just letting you know.

We are currently digesting, and I have seen no sign of a strapon anywhere. My wife has told me in a bit it's going to be playtime, which hopefully means hotsex minus any anal loving. It seems to be the course the night is going to take from what I have experienced thus far, there have been no mentions towards my anus, although she has been talking a bit dirty to me. Fav food, fav drinks, dirty talk. Maybe the night will turn out all right. I hope so.

Also, if she comes at me with a strap on, I swear, this weekend I will make the loving drive to Kansas City and go to the porn shop that has the king dong attached to a loving chain saw, purchase it, then see how she likes THAT MOTHERFUCKER!

Ok, going to get another drink.
NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

gently caress!!!

Mods/admins please excuse the buzzed/drunk/hammered post as I am intoxicated currently. Yuck.

Update, we were getting pretty whooo haaa, and I was touching things and she was touching things and mr. happy was happy, this went on for 30 minutes or so, I was still being supplied with tequila, it was good times. Then. She decided she wasn't looking sexy enough so it was time for a change of clothing. I was all for it, OH HELL YES BABY, LETS GET SEXY!!! I got into my new bertha sized crotchless panties and pranced around a bit(yes I feel very gay typing that) for her, then she told me to leave as she had to get changed(oh gently caress). I bail, still in my crotchless panties hoping for hot sex.

I'm hanging out on the couch waiting, and there she is, lovely, complete in her trenchcoat? I'm looking at her like, what, you're supposed to be in your sexy stuff. She comes up and stands in front of me and then states in a triumphant yell "SAY HELLO TO FRANKIE!!!" and rips open her trenchcoat. OK, well I am looking, hey nice tits, hey nice garter, hey nice stockings. You know what wasn't loving nice, was the PURPLE STRAP ON THAT SHE HAD BETWEEN ALL THAT poo poo.

I tell her "Oh honey, well that's wonderful, I just have to run to the kitchen for a sec to get more tequila". She probably figure I would need more tequila to take this loving MONSTAR OF A DONG SHE DECIDED I NEEDED IN MY ASSS. I grab the tequila bottle and start acting like I'm going to head back to the couch, then I duck, dodge, and move. I dodged her poo poo like a football player going for the winning loving touchdown in the superbowl.

I made it to my office. The door is locked, and she is currently beating on it with "frankie". I'm sorry but if you want to peg your man, and he's obviously hetero, DON'T NAME YOUR STRAPON FRANKIE!!!! That's just gay.

She's still beating on my door, she's looked for the keys, which I have in here, and keeps beating the poo poo out of the door with Frankie. Good knews, I have a pillow, a sleeping bag, and a bottle of tequila. I'm going to finish it off and try to wake up in time for work tomorrow.

I also think I'm probaby goint to seek another living situation tomorrow.

Again, sory for posting buzzed/drunk. I definitely tried to make it coherehnt, you have no idea how many times I have backspaced and edited this, all among frankie banging on my door.

gently caress.
In a recent remodel, we redid the bathrooms and kitchen. For some reason taht my wife will never understand, I wanted the office door re=enforced. I told her it was due to the microwaves that computers emitted, and I wanted to enclose that. In essence, it was protection from here. I am here with my sleeping bag and pillow and bottle of tequila, hiding behind a solid oak door that leads to my office while she beats on it with frankie. I think I made a great move by installing this door.

Also, what the gently caress, she has now taken to a gentle tap tap tap, I feel like I'm under chinese water torture or something. tap tap tap, frankie just wants to meet you, tap tap tap.
We have talked a bit, I'm more hamered then before and backspacing mor e often. Again, sorry mods/admins I am trying to remain coherent. I believe in between the chinese water torture knocking and our conversation it went somethign like this...

Me: I DON'T WANT THAT IN MY rear end YOU CRAZY BITCH!
Her: BUT IT'S FRANKIE, HE JUST WANTS TO MEET YOU, HE LIKES YOU.
M: Whaterver, I just want to go to sleep.
H: Ok, well come to bed!
M: Noway, I'll just sleep in here.
H: FINE THEN, MAYBIE ME AND FRANKIE WILL HAVE A NIGHT OUT!!
M: Ok, go for it, I don't care, franks not getting in my rear end.
H: Oh well fine!!

I think she's gone for now, hopefully passed out with "frankie".
Ok, the knocking has stoped FINALLY. I'm going to remain locked up here until tomorrow morning. This will polly be my last post. As Im goint to nurse this bottle til it's done. Almost there.

Also, at least she was planning on using lube. You know how I know this? Because in her fits of frustration, and banging on the door, she was shoving frankie under the door. Now that she has relented and finally possibly gone to bed. There it is, Frankie, the head all hanging out under my door. What did I try to do, well I tried to grab that motherfucker and yank him through the door so I could set him on fire later.

That poo poo wasn't happening though as the lube all over frankie was deterring my attempst to pull him under the door. You ever tried to pull a strap on dildo out from under a door while it was completely lubed up? I didn't think so, it's imposiible.

At least she had lube, I thought she was going to try to dry hump me. I'm going to finish this off and go to bed. Then in the morning I am going to run out the door and head to work.

Wish me luck.

I hate frankie.
I am going to go roll into my sleeping bag now. Enough internet. Also for those tuning in, she has been wiggling frankie under the door and whispering. So I look over there, and see frankie twitching a bit back and forth then hear "you know you want me ssssssssssssssssss" and so on and so forth.

As long as she doesn't remember the sledge hammer is in the garage, I'm save. No more tequila, I"m going to bed.

Night.

gently caress you frankie.

edit: Crotchless panties have been off of me for at least an hour. Fyi.
I'm at work. I would have updated from home but I figured I would get while the getting was good.

I woke up this morning to no more frankie under the door, this was a good thing. After having my ear to the door listening for any movement/possible traps, I very very slowly opened the door. Excellent, she was no where around, nor was frankie. A quick inspection showed that she had thrashed some of the living room in her drunken strap on rage, not a lot of damage, but there's probably lube everywhere.

As I venture further away from my safe place(office) I find my lovely wife in the bed, passed out. There's another bottle of patron, I guess she got two, I think most of it had spilled over the covers. There she was, sleeping oso soundly, frankie nestled in the crook of her arm. Such a peaceful picture a total 180 from last night.

I carefully take frankie out from under her arm, she hardly moves. I take the lube from the night stand, and pretty much douse frankie with it. He was still sticky from whatever adventures he had last night. A preemptory poke at my wifes butt with a finger, she doesn't move. I oh so carefully guide frankie the purple missle of love towards my wifes anus. Slowly, slowly, slowly as to not wake her up, I gently glide in the tip. Wait, tip is in, listen for any signs of waking up, there are not. Ahh tequila, how many anus's will you allow to be violated while you're victims are sleeping you off??

Ok, all is set. I take a couple of deep breaths, prep myself up, then I slam frankie into her rear end. Needless to say, she woke up. The scream went something like this, and was very loud, "AHHHHJHHHHHHHHHALWEKBLAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE gently caress ARE YOU DOING!!!!!!" to which I replied, "Honey, I think we need counseling" then I ran away, very fast.

I'm now at work, in the same clothes I wore yesterday, and I had to wash my hair in the sink. When you're young and you think of where you want to be in the future, this isn't it.

I need coffee and advil.
14 missed calls. I'm not answering honey. I probably have to find lodging other then my own house tonight, what do I tell my friend the problem is though? Well, we're urm, having troubles kinda, can I stay at your pad? Obviously he is going to want to be the good friend counselor and talk to me about our problems. I don't think I'm going to feel comfortable with that.
It's official, my wifes a loving nutter. So I finally pick up the phone, after 27 missed calls, I think my coworkers were getting annoyed. Conversation...

Me: OK, WHAT?
Her: I love you.
M: Huh?
H: Really, really love you. Thank you for this morning.
M: Are you kidding me? Seriously, what the hell was that last night?
H: I dunno, I was just playing around, you didn't like it?
M: Uh, NO IT WAS CREEPY TO SAY THE LEAST.
H: Oh, I thought you were having fun. I'm sorry.
M: Honey, I'm sorry, I know we have been super kinky in the past, and I still enjoy kinkiness on the whole, we have had a great sex life, I just really really don't want to be pegged.
H: What's pegged?
M: Done with a strap on, I learned it from the internet.
H: Oh, so you don't like Frankie?
M: NO, I DON'T LIKE FRANKIE. Look, for one, if you're going to try to sodomize a straight male, name your sodomizer something like fee fee or ginger or some cutesy name, not Frankie. Two, I don't want to be sodomized, I know you do, that's fine, but I don't.
H: Honey, you sure you don't want to just try it once?? Just once for meeee?
At this point I had to bang the phone on my desk a few times. Odd looks from co-workers. I don't care.
M: IS THIS THING ON?!?! Honey, no, I don't want to try it.
H: Oh ok, well, we'll talk about it later. Are you coming home for lunch?
M: Uhhh, urm, no I am going out for lunch.
H: Oh ok. Well I'll talk to you later then.

Then she hung up, I didn't get another word in. She also hardly mentioned this morning. What the gently caress. I don't even know if counseling is going to cut it right now. I might just want out.

As for some back story, yes we have always had a very kinky sex life. Some people would say that you've never lived until you have had clamps that were hooked up to a battery put on your nipples. I think I would say "OW MOTHER FUCKER THAT HURTS" I know this, because that's exactly what I said.
I called her a little a bit ago, and she really wanted me to come home for lunch and talk things out. I told her again that I in no way wanted frankie to be my friend and she said ok, we would talk about it and everything would be all right. I left for lunch at about 11:30. As you can see, I'm posting this at 11:45. It's about a 5 minute trip home. 15 minutes round trip. I can say with all certainty, everything is most certainly not going to be all right.

I arrive home and everything seems ok. I walk in and see the living room is now 99% lube free, and everything that was messed up is now back in it's original spots. Ok, well that's nice. "Honey?" I yell trying to find her whereabouts. When in a dangerous situation, always keep an exit handy. The door was about 4 feet from my back, still open.

"Coming!" she replied back. Ok, she was in the bedroom, my exit was not cut off, breath deep, she said it would all be ok, we're just going to talk. As she walks around the corner into the living room, ahh there she is, my wife, my lovely batshit loving insane wife. She's done something different to her hair maybe? No, that doesn't seem to be it, what's different? What's changed? Different eye shadow? Are those some new stockings? No I think it's the fact that there's frankie, all strapped on with enough lube on him to cause a steady drip drip drip of lube off the tip. I think this was the point where I realized she probably wasn't in a talking mood.

She's roughly 7 feet away, I'm pretty sure I can make it out the door if she lunges at me, so I engage her in conversation. "Honey, I thought we were going to talk about this?" she replies "Well, we were, but Frankie decided he wanted a nooner when I told him you were coming home for lunch". Ok, she's out of her loving gourd here. Alas, I didn't know how far loving out of her gourd she was. I'm lucky to be typing this right now.

"Honey, YOU SAID WE WOULD TALK ABOUT THIS CRAP. WHAT THE gently caress ARE YOU THINKING??~!" she just looked at me with those crazy eyes and took a few steps closer. At this point I'm getting ready to bolt. Taking one last look at her, standing there complete with trenchcoat, lube in one hand, wait, the other hand in the pocket of the trenchcoat?? When you're scared enough that you're about to piss yourself, time slows down, or at least it did for me. 5 feet away, another step closer, 4 feet oh gently caress, GET OUT GET OUT GETOUT NOWWWWWWWW!

She draws her hand out of her pocket, and just looking at silouette it's a gun. This is of course the moment when I start thinking catch phrases "Oh haha, kill him then yourself lol" really that's what entered my head as I saw what was in her hand. She points it at me and I spin and run for the door, I hear the click pop and the door frame to my right suddenly has two metel things in it that are attached to cords leading to THE MOTHERFUCKING TAZER GUN THAT MY loving NUTBALL WIFE JUST loving SHOT AT ME.

My run to the car was complete with a soundtrack of me yelling "holycrapcrazyfuckingbitchdivorcecityyoufuckingwhoreholyshittazergun". She had enough decency to not run outside after me with frankie all flopping in the wind. The neighbors would have had a feild day with that one.

I'm back at work. Shaken up to say the least. 0 missed calls.
I don't know how we got to this point. Actually. We have always been pretty free sexually, as in trying new things. Um, I mean a whole lot of new things. Again she is very anally fixated, as this thread shows. I have never really been into anal play, sorry just not my thing. I guess the need to put things in asses has just driven her over the brink. It used to be that no meant no, and we were fine with that. Safe words were used and respected. I mean you don't have someone all trussed up with 5 yards of bungie cord hanging from the ceiling while you pour hot wax on them and hit them with a riding crop without a good safe word. You just don't.

Seriously, we have been married for quite some time, and have done a BUNCH of crazy stuff. This anal fetish stuff is getting out of hand though. I'm not going to call the cops, sorry but I love her, but I am probably going to leave.

Sad times.
Haven't called her yet. Went down and had a few more smoke breaks. I might just wait until tomorrow. I don't know yet. In part, I won't call the cops because of who she is and what it would do to her life. I'm hoping this is just a spell maybe. I might have to try the snarf thing over the phone, but I don't remember us starting a roll playing game. Which normally when we do that, we most definitely have a start and an end. Such as...

Foreign exchange student staying overnight in a hotel due to her plane being delayed, meets up with traveling businessman. they meet, chat, head to the room for a night of unrequited hardcore sexin. The role playing starts when the businessman meets her in the bar. And ends when he sneaks out of the hotel room without leaving a note.
Ok, I called her. It went something like this...

Her: Hello dear.
Me: Hi, urm, Snarf?
Her: What?
Me: Snarf?
Her: Oh haha, ok honey, no more role playing. Will we be seeing you at 5:30?
Me: We? uhhh.
Her: Oops, I'm sorry, I meant will I be seeing you at 5:30.
Me: You know, I was thinking I might not stay at home tonight, I mean things are pretty weird around the house as of late.
Her: You're going to what?
Me: You know, maybe stay over at a friends house or something, time to think I guess.
Her: That would be a bad idea.
Me: Huh? Really honey, it's been weird there, you need to calm down or something. I've been thinking we might need some time apart.
Her: That would be a very very bad idea.
Me: oh.
Her: So, we'll be seeing you around 5:30ish then? Please don't disappoint us, I would hate to have to call some friends about all this.
Me: I see.
Her: Ok, Love you, see you soon.
Me: Uhh, yeah me too.

Ok, well I'm scared now. Will have to just buck up and grab a hotel or something. I don't want friends involved at this point.

Gonna go smoke again. Probably 3 or 4.
Now a coin toss, do I hit the liquer store on the way to the hotel for some patron to calm my already shot nerves?
I'm hosed.

I left work a bit early, figured I would drive around a bit and clear my head. At roughly 5:29 I get pulled over.

Me: Hello officer is there a problem?
Cop: Hi jbarwick. Mrs "lastname" was just worried about you and wanted us to come check on you. Are you ok?
M: Yeah, urm, yeah I'm fine.
C: OK, great. I'm sorry, but I have to give you this.
he hands me a ticket, 20mph over the speed limit.
M: But sir, I wasn't speeding??
C: That's ok, Mrs "lastname" is pretty sure that if you come home tonight you'll get out of that ticket.
gently caress, was that a wink?
M: OH, ok well great then.
C: So where are you headed right now?
M: URm, oh yeah, to the mall, I"m going to pick up Mrs "lastname" a gift before heading home.
C: OK, well then, hurry along now.

HOW hosed UP IS THAT poo poo!!? It's also another reason why I didn't call the cops as advised in this thread. Alright, so I go to the mall. I figure there's no loving way I am going back to the house tonight, none, so I need clothes for tomorrow. Also, I'm pretty sure if I detoured I was going to get pulled over again. loving hell. My wife has obviously been a very busy bee today. As while I was trying to pay for my stuff at JC pennys, well, our jcpennys card doesn't work, our mastercard doesn't work, surprize surprize, our loving amex doesn't work either. OK, fine, that bitch needs money too so there's no way she closed the bank account. Yep. Debit card is denied too.

gently caress. gently caress. gently caress! I have a trick up my sleeve though. One she probably didn't plan on. About 3 years ago I got my own credit card, not in her name, and she doesn't know about it. I pull that card out and pay for my new clothes. I am currently sitting in panera bread using their wireless internet. It's has windows facing the outside of the mall and I have seen 2 cop cars cruise by in the time I have written this. They already know I'm at the mall, so I don't care if I use it here, but I'm going to hit some transfunds and pull as much cash as I can off the card so that I don't have to use it and I can't be tracked while I go out and about and figure out what the hell I'm going to do.

All right. I've gotta move. I'm leaving my car here and will be on foot for a bit trying to find transfunds. You can only pull 500 max right? That means I need to find like 4-5 hopefully.

Fine bitch, you wanna play like this, the gloves are loving coming off then.
Ok, I have found 3 transfund machines and I am currently using the wireless at Starbucks. I have 1500 to my name, my work bag/laptop, and a 2 new changes of clothes from JC Pennys. I haven't seen too many cops so I think I'm good there. I really need a hotel though, I"m wearing down and I need to think this through. I really really really REALLY don't want to get goons involved in this but I think I am going to have to. I have friends in town but they are "our" friends not "my" friends. She has no idea about SA or anything like that. I purchased my account on my own credit card when she was out of town and I knew the bill would come while she was out of town. None the wiser.

That being the case, I really didn't want to meet any of you, especially after telling what all I have told here. I'm so sorry. I am probably going to have to call on some goon assistance. Please God, just give me 24 hours of annoniminity(I can't spell). PLEASE.

Silver. Thank you. You have mail.

I have to move now.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    I'm here now. Silver has delivered me to the hotel. He very generously offered his house up as a place to stay complete with wireless, but I really really don't want to include anyone other then me that might possibly be hurt by this. I declined. We found a hotel with wireless and that's where I am now. What did we have to go through to get here? Well, some serious poo poo.

    Since you basically know where I am at now, I can divulge locations. Silver picked me up at circut city by woodland hills mall. We did our meet and greet. No "STAIRS" or "GOON" or "SOMETHINGAWFUL DOT COM LOL" took place. He pulled up, saw my pack, and I got in. Sorry to disappoint.

    En route to the hotel that we both agreed would be a good base. Silver rolls a right hand turn through a red light. gently caress. Yes we get pulled over. My heart is in my throat, what do I do, do I open the door and run? Do I just sit here and take it. I look over to Silver and notice the sweat coming off his brow and know that he is thinking the same thing. gently caress. So close.

    The cop didn't recognize me. It wasn't a shake down for frankie or my wife. Just a routine traffic stop. Silver did get a ticket, for running a red light, but we didn't get taken in for some stupid reason that doesn't mean anything. Sorry for the ticket Silver. After the ticket, Silver takes me to 2 other transfunds so that I can get more money. I have 2500 dollars now.

    We go to the hotel. Silver goes in and reserves the room. We both go in to pay, and Silver decided not to use his own name. I am a little weirded out thinking about what will come next, but Silver has me give the hotel clerk a 20 spot and I now have a room, under a different name.

    I gave Silver the money for the ticket, as well as 20 bucks for gas. He took me by a liquer store as well. I'm going to get comfy with my patron for a bit and think this through. I bought Silver a bottle of it too.

    Thank you. Tonight, you possibly saved my rear end. Literally.

    edit: It took me awhile to get here, anyone else experiencing slowdowns?
    Couple of shots in. Patron is a wonderful wonderful beverage. I'm not going to call her. Currently, I'm not sure what to do. I'm just going to sit here and drink for a bit. Think on things. Hopefully come to a conclusion of some sorts. This pulling in of the calvary on her part. That was unwarrented. It's gone way out of the scope of "Honey we need counseling". It's more of a gotta do what you have to do, type of thing now.

    Currently, I'm thinking of running away to the bahamas. I used to bartend, they need bartenders there right? This whole situation might just be worthy of flight. I'm not sure. I'm off to think.
    At this point. I'm not going in tomorrow. Nor do I care what my boss thinks. If I go to work they might be waiting. Right now I am reveling in my anon. state. I have enough cash to stay here for awhile regardless. I am thinking of my next move. It's not going to be here. I'm not going back to some job that was pretty much worthless to begin with, just something to bring in cash. Currently I'm totally free. Imagine, right now I have nothing, I am working towards nothing. I am currently in a total state of self preservation. I am thinking of nothing but myself. Honestly, it feels loving great.

    I know I'm not going to work tomorrow, and I don't care. I don't care about consequences, or anything that comes along with not going to work. I have 2000+ dollars in my pocket, and not a care in the world. My wife maybe come crazy loving woman who has more then a few people in her pocket, but I don't give a poo poo right now because I'm safe and can plan my next move. Which will be entirely out of this place. I don't know what tomorrow will hold, and I don't care, as long as it's my choice. I chose to not have frankie up my rear end. It led to this mess, but I chose. That's enough for me.

    Hang on, someone is knocking at my door...
    Ok, well, I'm up in arms whether to hit the keys/bahamas or costa rica. I'm a bit into the patron by now so I'm going to go ahead and log off. I think I am going to purchase dodgeball the movie and watch it. You know what's hosed up about that, is that I'm fixing to purchase for 4.95 dodgeball the movie, while I know it's out on DVD. They shouldn't be charging for that poo poo. It should be on HBO somewhere!! But it's not, so I'm going to rent it.

    In a situation where you have nothing, and can do anything that you want, what do you do?
    She just puked in her mouth a little bit. I'm going to bed. I'll talk to you all tomorrow.

    One question, I'm on my work laptop right now. If I am totally bailing with nothing left, do I take it with me, or turn it back in to my office? I'm probably going to turn it back in. I might be running, but I'm no theif. Night.
    I ended up leaving my car there. Morning all. Currently still not sure what I am going to do. Pretty sure I will be out of this town before sundown though. Hopefully on my way to a strap on free paradise. I haven't called my wife yet. I figure I will before heading out of town. Obviously from a payphone. One last hurrah if you will. Bye bitch, I'm outta here or something. I don't know yet.

    Any ideas on where to get a birth certificate in a hurry? That's pretty much what I am missing right now. I have my drivers liscense, credit card(which I think is maxed now), and 2 changes of clothes and cash. Now it's just figuring out how to get out of town. We have an airport, buses, no trains. I might just have to go purchase some old jalapy car and head out.

    I'm going to go shower now.

    Born in TX. That probably won't help me here. Not sure. I'm going to start getting ready to bail. Will be posting one more time or so, then I'm prepping the laptop to be shipped. If I stay in contact with Silver(not sure how wise that will be for him) I'll have him post updates as they come. Hopefully. Still researching some options on where I want to go.
    Ok, last post possibly for awhile. I'm going to get the laptop to start wiping the drive. Again I'll try to keep you all updated as best I can. Somehow.

    What a loving wild ride. When you wake up sometimes, you think, "Why oh why is my life not exciting I could use some adventure". Don't think that. Ever. Because it might come true.
    Silver posted...
    Gah! Was away from my desk. I just got a message from J, I am going to go give him a box to pack his laptop up in and send it back to his company for him as well. Good news though, I have an old beater laptop with a pcmcia wireless card in it. It's only a pentium 2 with 128 of ram, but it should do the trick. Sam(goon) and myself are going to go get J and take him out to lunch if he wants to go. Give him the laptop and see him off I guess, with whatever he has decided.
    Sam_rush posted...
    THAT'S THE loving CRAZIEST poo poo I HAVE EVER BEEN INVOLVED IN, IN MY ENTIRE loving LIFE. JESUS CHRIST! Silver told me to post and tell everyone that jbarwick is currently on the run. Cops cut our lunch short.
    Sam_rush posted...
    We picked up jbarwick from the hotel and took him to Taco bueno before seeing him off. Cops came, jbarwick, ran, Silver will post the whole thing when he gets back to his office. I'm going to go take poo poo.
    Same_rush posted...
    We were at the Taco Bueno by TU, me and Sivler were in line and jbarwick went ahead and sat down. 2 cruisers pull into the lot, we turn around in time to see the emergency exit door closing. He bailed Silver just called and is going to go drive down 11th street and see if he can find him. I have to get back to work. Silver says he'll update when he gets back to the office. Hope he can find him.
    Silver posted...
    Got a call. No where abouts given, and I'm pretty sure he wants to go it on his own right now I offered to come get him but he declined. Said he is thinking about bying a vehical, then planning out what to do next. Hopefully he'll update when/if he finds a wifi connection. We kept the call pretty short, maybe he'll call back later.
    I bought an SUV. An old school SUV in the style that I wanted for a long time, but was never "allowed" to have because of our social standing. I always had to have middle to upper class vehicals. Not something that I actually wanted. gently caress it, cash under the table the title is in my bag and she's all mine now. I'm mobile.

    Currently posting from a neighborhood in which some poor sap didn't secure his wireless connection. Thank you mr. poor sap, much obliged. I bet many of you have never though of this, but under the right circumstances you can fit your entire online life into a 512 usb flash stick. I did. All my stuff, my whole life, on one 512 stick. I would say it's kind of surreal to think that it can be done, but that would be an understatement, as this whole loving thing has been surreal.

    Silver, thank you for the laptop. Thank you for the rides. Sorry for bailing out on you and Sam at Taco Bueno, but I had too. From the table I was sitting at, I could see as they pulled in, and I knew one of them. I had to go. Thank you for your help, I am not going to rely on you anymore, you have done more than enough already and I would hate to put you in any kind of uncomfortable situation.

    I'm tired. This whole thing is just stupid and I cannot believe how it has escalated and put me on the run like this.

    I'm pissed. I don't know which of her loving meds are making her go all loving whacko like this, but this is just stupid, and she's loving stupid for pulling out all the stops just because a loving purple strap on is loving obviously talking to her.

    I'm done. I will be leaving town tonight. I purchased the SUV so if needed I would have something to sleep in. It also has 4wd in case I need it. But before I go, I have one last stop to make.

    Hey bitch. Daddys coming home.
    She's not here.
    I've got my stuff, I'm leaving. Will update once I am somewhat far away and find wireless.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh. My. Lol. :p
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    Do you expect anyone to read all that??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you expect anyone to read all that??

    yes... it actually goes on... he reaches the mexican border and divorces his sex-crazed wife, all the way on the run... brilliant story.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i read all of that

    i'm now quite scared, lol :eek2:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have too much free time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bloody nora, im not reading all of that!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Holy shit....

    That's brilliant.

    Can you post the rest of it Strubbles??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that was awesome :lol:
    so want to read the rest!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the rest unfortunately is not copied together, just separate posts in the thread.

    There is actually much more (when he's already in mexico), but the threads are already so old that they are archived and you can only look at them when you pay for it. :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats so good i want to read the rest of it. i sarted reading this when you first posted it when stoned out of my head lol just finished where i left off. LOL

    i take it this is fiction lol... if its true im absoloutly terrified of women forever!!!...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yes...some women do get attached to their strap ons a little too much...

    but i also hope that is fiction....it should be made into a film its that ridiculous
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats so good i want to read the rest of it. i sarted reading this when you first posted it when stoned out of my head lol just finished where i left off. LOL

    i take it this is fiction lol... if its true im absoloutly terrified of women forever!!!...

    Well, one never know. The poster backed it up with pictures (pics of frankie), it could be staged however. From the forum this is from there are either a few people who really have gone through a lot of stuff or they are good at making things up.

    If you enjoyed the story, be sure to check out Humper-monkeys stories. I started reading this one and couldn't stop.
    Every family has it's trash, i guess....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it should be made into a film its that ridiculous

    that would actually be an awsome film!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That was really interesting :) Kept be busy for awhile!

    Poor guy, she only wanted some anal fun!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I read all that, what an interesting read, classic humour nonetheless. xD
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Any way to get the rest? i want to find otu what happened.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Any way to get the rest? i want to find otu what happened.

    http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=1736969

    this is the thread. The story is just all the posts of user "jbarwick" pasted together. You will have to find the page where the story left off yourselves and just jump from one post of jbarwick to the next.

    The story somehow remains open however. There is never a final conclusion.
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