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Why are people so terrified of the word love?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
With some people, it is easy pips to tell them you love them. For instance; my best girly girlfriends...I tell them whenever they do something particularly endearing and they reciprocate as I am often rather lovely. However, I find that some friends, no matter how much time you spend together or how well you get on, are not a fan of the mushy stuff.

Is this because of trust issues? Previous hurt in the love/friend department? Or is it just that us British folks are awful prudes? I get on exceptionally with my parents, but I find myself dishing out the 'love yous' more frequently than they are returned. A generation thing perhaps?

The way I see it is, it's always nice to hear, so why not tell people? I promise I'm not one of those weird clingy, high-maintence people who need to be pampered and appreciated every second of every day, but I do not like not knowing where I stand with people.

Is it perhaps because we each have different definitions of love? Love to me means deep affection, whether it is platonic or romantic. Being 'in love', is another ball game altogether...I think it's not only when you love them, but when you also need them as well. I think neither necessarily last for ever.

Sometimes when I'm talking to my emotionally glacial friends, I get an overwhelming urge to declare my love. I don't, because they would feel all embarrassed and what not, but I would feel dreadful if I never saw them again and they were not aware of how much I care. That rhymed.

Perhaps I am just unloved (but I doubt that because I am rather charming), or maybe I am an egotistical maniac or loves being told that I am loved? Should I be content in knowing that the important people in my life love me, in the way that they treat me?

Don't get me wrong, I have been hurt by people who I loved and while this makes me a touch more cautious in gifting people with my time and trust and affection la di da etc...I still think we should all freely declare our love for each other and be happy wee chappies.

It would be grand to hear other peoples' opinions on this...

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, I do think part of the reason is people are different. Some are more prone to talk about their feelings openly, whilst others are not. This happens both on an individual level within "one society", and there are also more general differences to what extent "public" love is acceptable or not from culture from culture.

    From what I read, you say you state your love to your parents more often than the opposite, and this is probably just individual differences. On a larger scale, people tend to say that latin people are "warmer" people in general and less afraid of stating out their interpersonal feelings. This would be a cultural difference, and albeit this truth can be discussed I do think it holds to some extent. But there are also other means of showing love using physical gestures, and some are probably more affectionate on a physical level than they are verbal.

    Than lastly, different languages have different nuances in expressions of love. In english, "I love" you goes for both stating out the friendly type of love and also romantic love. Maybe some are carful about the expression, because they don't wanna mix up the meaning of it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There should be a universal understanding of what love is/means, because then the world would be a much happier sort of fuzzy place filled with loveosity and what not. People are ridiculous sometimes...It's not like 'I love you' means 'I want to spend every waking second with you and would jump off a bridge if you ever left me'. I reckon that people who freak out when someone says those three wee words to them are just full of themselves and are confusing wonderful loving feelings of affection with obsession.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I keep getting burned...

    I fall in love with people very easily. It seems that i also fall in love with balless twats that think its perfectly fine to play with other people´s minds and to have them hanging on a string. I´ve been hulmiliated more than once, and yet, when i feel it, i still tell people...

    why? because I stay true to my own feelings and don´t deny them. many people in this day and age seem to deny what they feel and as a result end up becoming very bitter and cynical people. my theory is that many people are very scared of strong emotions, and also rejection. it seems alot easier to deny that you´re feeling like that and carry on as normal. in the long run this doesn´t really work.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not scared of it, well maybe just a bit
    i don't say it with ease, i've seen it tear apart relastionships, my last one for example
    it screwed up what was going great and it made me realise that i wasn;t ready, that girl still hates me yet i did nothing wrong, i stayed true to myself and got out quick, but i did give plenty of good true reasons y i broke up with her, for all i tried, i couldn't stay with her
    when i saw her around school i felt terrible for what i did and yet i knew that if i had stayed with her i would have been living a lie and i was already fucked up in the head and if i had stayed then i would have gotten worse, she knew that i could be liked that some times and she still went out with me
    the main reason i broke up with her was the fact that i felt pressured to say i loved her and yet i didn't
    I felt pressured because she kept on telling me that she did and she'd say things like i love him so much on msn and myspace to other people,
    i also noticed that i was probaly just a rebound off her ex, my best friend who was cool with me dating her, and i don't say that because i'm bitter, shes now dating a guy called david who she just latched on to because he showed her kindness when she was crying and had goes at me because i was acting like i didn;t care when i saw, i did care but i knew that if i went over her bf would have a go at me or try and punch me and she might take it as a sign that i was regretting that i broke up with her and i couldn;t live with that
    even after like 4 months of being apart and her with "david"(who i think is a fucking tosser, tried to beat me up and yet hes a complete and utter gaming nerd and has probaly never seen a gym in his life) she still looked over at me and broke into tears everynow and again, especialy when she saw me with my new gf(whoes now my ex, still friends though:))
    now we're in diffrent colleges, THANK GOD, and i rarly see her apart from at gigs i play at with my band, she says she goes to see her friends band who have almost always cancled and can't play for shit,
    ~we've now been apart almost 2 years

    RANT OVER
    thats pretty much y i'm afraid of saying i love u in a realstionship with someone that i really like, which is y i havn't said it 2 my current girlfriend after shes said it to me for about 3and half months, we've talked y and she now accepts that and is fine with me taking my time to say it to her :D

    thanks for reading
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I absolutely hate saying the words "I love you" to anyone. I can always find a million different ways of saying it which don't involve using the word "love", but that word seems almost like anaethema to me. I don't know where this comes from. My relationship history is pretty good, and I've never been particularly badly burned.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    eat ecstasy to proclaim your undying love to everything and anything in the universe :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    People are ridiculous sometimes...It's not like 'I love you' means 'I want to spend every waking second with you and would jump off a bridge if you ever left me'. I reckon that people who freak out when someone says those three wee words to them are just full of themselves and are confusing wonderful loving feelings of affection with obsession.

    Hey, just because some of us don't use the word love that often it doesn't mean there's anything wrong. I'm just at the other end of the scale to you. We are all allowed to deal with things differently, to be different to each other.
    I believe that the word "love" is one of the most overly used. I very rarely tell anyone i love them. Mainly because i just don't "love" all that many people. For me love is a huge important emotion that i don't feel a great deal of the time. To me loving someone is defined as not knowing how life would be without them. So to me my parents are my main loves. I feel great affection for my friends but i wouldn't say i love them. And i have only properly loved one man before, had great affection for quite a few :flirt:
    I will freely admit to being an emotional control freak and quite analytical and cold when it comes to emotions and feelings. But at the end of the day this is me. I am a great believer in actions speak louder than words, although i very rarely hug or kiss people unless i'm dating them. To me i prove i love people by being loyal, honest, generous etc. My dad is going through a tough time at the moment but he knows i love him. Not because i've said it but because no matter what he has done i have stood by him, picked him up, dusted him off and said we'll get through it no matter what comes up. This to me is how you show love. You don't query, you don't moan, you just do what you can to make someone happy.
    Sorry gone off on a bit of a tangent :blush: Sure there's some sort of proper train of thought in there. So i suppose what i'm trying to say is we all say "I Love You" in different ways. You do it verbally, i do it physically with actions and gestures. :)
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