Mums partner moving in

Former Member

My mum told me tonight that her partner may be moving into out house soon. I’ve had a little time to think about it and at the moment im not very keen on the idea, I do get on with him but don’t think I would want to live with him.

At the moment its just me and mum living at home which is nice. I would like to know if others have been in this situation how they felt and dealt with it??

Bunnie

I was very little when my mum's 2nd husband came to live with us, before they got married

I knew then I didnt want it to happen, but that I could do nothing to stop it.

I know even when I kicked off about it, nothing changed

I would suggest speaking to your mum and tell her you are a little unsure, but if she is anything like mine, I am afraid to say she is unlikely to change her mind because of it. It is after all, her place.

Former Member

I was in the same situation when i was about 15, my mom asked me if i was ok with her partner moving in with us. We all met at restaurants first for a while before he came to live with us tho, which i believe helped. As then it was not like a random stranger moving into my house? To be honest even after that i did not want him to move in, it was a big change for me. But i did as my mom wanted. It was hard for a while for all of us i think. But in all honesty it was the best thing that happened to us as a family. I was younger than yourself tho, so he helped me alot with homework etc... so spent alot of time together. Go to the cinema/pub with him???:D

Former Member

Up until I was 15 years old it was just me and my mum. I didn't have a dad around and she had one or two relationships that didn't work out between that period.. Then she met my stepdad and after a year of being with him told me he was moving in.

I didn't want him to initially, I got on OK with him but not well enough to feel comfortable living with him but gave my blessing anyway as my mum did a lot for me when I was growing up. Plus, I didn't want to fly from the nest leaving her on her own.

Things got off to a pretty bad start as he thought he could take over and father me and whenever me and my mum argued he always jumped in.. what with being a 15-16 year old with an attitude problem it used to be pretty hardcore.

However, as the years passed, they got married and eventually spawned the shithead that is my little brother but I wouldn't change anything. We got used to living together and now we're sound with each other. We have a laugh, take the piss out of each other and do things (like going out for meals all together and killing each other on multiplay games across a network). So yeah, from my experience it may be a little weird to start off with, but I prefer my home life now to what I used to have when it was just me and my mum. You don't know what will happen but I'd put a lot of money on you being pleasantly surprised :thumb: Good luck!

Former Member

BeastlyMouse, I think too that you also need to think of your Mum's happiness - as well as your own.

In a few years time, you may well move out yourself for uni, relationship, job etc ... and she will be left alone. This MAY be the opportunity for her to live her life happily everafter.

If you can stomach living with the guy (and it sounds like he ain't too bad), remember it may be just the right thing for your Mum.

Speak to her beforehand in a mature, understanding and sensitive way - but make it clear that while you will accept and respect him for who he is, he must also remember that you are a young adult and his role is NOT as some surrogate father to you. Respect works both ways. Good luck! :thumb:

Former Member

Maybe if you talk to your mum about it they could come to some sort of arrangement whereby her partner stops over on increasingly regular basis?

Former Member

Oh boy... I have given my Mum's old partner hell at times.Um sorry... Not setting a good example. :rolleyes:

I didn't feel comfortable at the time, when my old step dad moved in. I never liked him and still don't, though I am glad she chose a quiet partner rather than somebody loud who goes out and get wasted.

One thing I learnt though, was that it isn't all about me. I love my Mum and had to learn to deal with the fact that he was a partner that she chose, not me and that she was living a lifestyle she chooses, not me. She is after all, an adult and if you care for somebody you want them to be happy... Right?

You don't know what the future is gonna hold BeastlyMouse, but if he is in it then just make the best of it. Your financial situation may get better and nobody is saying you have to hang out with him all the time. It could be the best thing that ever happened to you, eh.

Former Member

Mums partner moving in

Hi Beastlymouse

Welcome to the boards! :wave:

It can be difficult for anyone to cope with a huge change to your normal set-up and its very understandable to be apprehensive - afterall you're happy with how things are!

However, your mum's said that he 'may' move in and might be just sounding you out by seeing how you feel about it which is nice and you can then let her know your fears and worries and hopefully she can reassure you.

I think the suggestion that he stay over on an increasingly more regular basis might be better than a sudden 'moved in' status. Afterall it gives everyone including the guy a chance to see how things go, test the water so to speak. As others have said you might find the reality of all living together not as bad as your worst fears.

I'd suggest getting to know him, staying around when he comes over to see your mum and getting to know him better? Even if its a done deal and one day he's not there and the next he's moved in, getting to know him better can't be a bad idea for getting on right?

Here is a link with some advice about fitting in with a new family that might help.

Good luck with it all, keep posting if you have problems or just to let us know its all gone great - hope the latter!

Lisa

Former Member

i was really young when my mom had her boyfriend (now husband) move in with us so i didnt have any chance to think about it at all. i think its great that you can think about it.
i think you should def tell your mom how you feel about it because then she knows and you wont have to fight about it when its already to later. tell her how much oyu like living with her alone. and maybe she will be okay with it.
so do you like him? cuz if you like him i mean you can at least try it for a little while and if i doenst work out you can still talk to your mom about it.
i think its sad that i was too young to actually understand what happened back then but i know that if it had happened now i would have talked my mom out of it.

good luck