Oh dear, I am pathetic

Former Member

I was with my boyfriend for just over a year, but he's just finished with me. Things have been really rocky for a while and to be honest it wasn't all I wanted from a relationship-I like affection and attention etc but he doesn't, and likes to sit on his xbox/warcraft all the time (seriously, all the time, not lying) and do nothing with me. I moved in with him a couple of months ago after he asked me, and I thought it would make things loads better as we lived about 20 miles away from each other and neither of us drive. So I changed my job and everything and after a few bad weeks with him he finshes with me.

And now, even though I know it wasn't working, I am absolutley devastated. I loved him loads and I know he didn't treat me well (always picked up on tiny things I said or did, was controlling and manipultive, didn't even get me a card on our anniversary etc) but I am still finding it very hard to cope. I've been through break ups before but I don't handle them well at all. I get very down on myself and pick myself apart, for example I feel like I must be such a terrible girlfriend and really ugly for someone to prefer playing games than doing anything with me. I don't want to get back with him-we broke up a couple of times in the last few weeks and I shamelessly went crawling back to him, he didn't even apologise for chucking me-and I know this time it's definately over as he's said some really awful things to me but I feel so awful!

I hate all that everything reminding you of him stuff, and just remembering all these things we said/did/planned/talked about, and I know it's normal but OWWWWWW it hurts.

Right I know that post makes no sense and it's more of a rant than anything but I had to get it out. But if anyone wants to offer some pearls of wisdom, I think that would be just lovely.

Ta

Former Member

Ahhh sorry to hear that

I guess there is no place better to rant then hear, helps to just write and write and write at times.

Always going to be tough when you break up, but don't think to yourself that you are pathetic. Course your not

My opinion, i think in the long run its the best thing for you. You don't deserve to be ignored like that, especially after you made the effort to move in with him!

Spend time with your mates, don't be sitting around mulling over it. Course its hard not too but its NOT your fault

I suck at advice but go do things, keep busy

Former Member

Thanks....how long am I going to feel so torn for? I want to be at the point where I don't care. I know it's a stupid question but I suck at this, I'm so pesimisstic

Former Member

Often it doesn't matter how bad the relationship was for you, even if you know deep down that it's for the best that it's over, it still hurts like hell and it can take a while to get used to being on your own and not part of a couple any more. Unfortunately no-one can tell you how long it'll be before you start feeling better, you just have to take one day at a time and give yourself plenty of TLC in the meantime. All the old cliches are true - keep busy, see your mates as much as you can, and give yourself time. Don't feel bad or pathetic for crying or being upset - it's a big change and of course it's sad when something that was once good comes to an end. It sounds to me like it's the beginning of a new, better time for you though - you've done the right thing by getting out of it once and for all, keep reminding yourself that you deserve to be treated well and not ignored in favour of a video game!

You will be OK - keep posting, it often helps just to write down stuff to get it out of your head. Treat yourself, get plenty of sleep, take some exercise and embrace this time to be as selfish as you want Big hugs. It sucks, but it does get better.

ETA: Just realised some of the above is echoing what GoodFella said - sorry about that, but his advice is good!

Former Member

Ah, Warcraft addiction rears its ugly head again. Warcraft has been part of my computer gaming for almost 3 years, but I only play it a few hours per week with a group of real friends.

Star* - you are not pathetic. This guy has a social problem. If you want to give your b/f another chance, you seriously need to get him to admit that has has MMO addiction. If he doesn't change his gaming habits and remains in denial, then he can say hello to solitude and kiss goodbye to attached life for years to come.

As for the split itself, it is very badly-timed, because a new expansion pack will be coming out for the game in just a few weeks time.

Former Member

i broke up with a girlfrined of 6 months not long ago and i know what you mean entirely. she treated me like shit, was manipulative, would cause massive arguments over the tinyest things, had a way of making me say sorry for EVERYTHING seriously everything that went wrong was my fault and she made me belive it was too. yet i still did and do miss her alot. i know what you mean by everything reminds you of them. things you had planned in the future are the worse. you are lucky to know deep down it was for the best. whatever happens as long as you keep remembering that you will move on hopefully sooner rather than later. it alwasy feels like it will take ages but i find that its never as long as im scraed it will be. spend alot of timw with your friends that always helps and like goodfella said keep busy maybe take up something new. i got over my girlfriend with a drunken night when i got a bit too close to one of my best friends (female lol). i dont however advise this at all our friendship still isnt how it was before lol getting there thou. you will feel better soon, im sure sooner than you fear.

Former Member

I feel so blue and worthless. I keep dreaming of him, I swear when we were together I didn't dream of him this much but every night since, there he is. It's awful because it feels like he was just right there with me. I don't want to get back with him, and I know for sure he doesn't want me back-every day since we met, no matter what was going on, even if we'd split up for a bit, we spoke every day, even if it was just one text each, and yesterday was the very first day since June 23rd 2007 that we didn't, and it was so hard. I know it's for the best, I know it is but I am so gutted and I hate feeling this way.
It's his sister's 18th this week and she's having a massive party and I was meant to be doing the photos, we were all going to get really dressed up and go to town afterwards, and the thought of him being there and going out with his mates having a good time makes me feel physically sick. I know I'm being pathetic but I just don't know what to do.

/rant

Former Member

To be honest... your 1st post sounds exactly like my ex-but one... once i had stepped out of the relationship and looked back... he had treated me in such a bad way I had no idea why i was with him..

You need to find loasda girls mates who will dress up and go out for a fantastic weekend... trust me it works I would be willing to take you under my wing and show you how its done... i know exactly what your going through babe.

Give it a couple of weeks to a month and you would have forgotten about him. Trust me xxx

Former Member

star* wrote: »

I feel so blue and worthless. I keep dreaming of him, I swear when we were together I didn't dream of him this much but every night since, there he is. It's awful because it feels like he was just right there with me. I don't want to get back with him, and I know for sure he doesn't want me back-every day since we met, no matter what was going on, even if we'd split up for a bit, we spoke every day, even if it was just one text each, and yesterday was the very first day since June 23rd 2007 that we didn't, and it was so hard. I know it's for the best, I know it is but I am so gutted and I hate feeling this way.
It's his sister's 18th this week and she's having a massive party and I was meant to be doing the photos, we were all going to get really dressed up and go to town afterwards, and the thought of him being there and going out with his mates having a good time makes me feel physically sick. I know I'm being pathetic but I just don't know what to do.

/rant

Try not to be too hard on yourself babe, at the end of the day you were together a whole year of course you are gonna feel the way you do as you are readjusting your life and your not in a "couple" anymore. What you have to realise is that you did split up for a reason and really concentrate on all the bad things, how dare he not pay any attention to you! Who does he think he is??? He should have been taking you out and treating you like a princess!!! I know what you mean about texting and speaking everyday, i know it sounds weird but Substitute him for a friend, like everytime you wanna text him or speak to him, ring/text a mate!

You will be ok and you will get through it and when you do you will be stronger and know your worth and be ready for the next guy to treat you right

XXXX

Former Member

I had another dream about him last night, woke up thinking all was good then I remembered everything. Now I desperately want to speak to him, even though I know it'll do no good. I've deleted his number but I can still remember it annoyingly. And now I'm annoying my friend as I'm being really clingy but I don't wanna be on my own

Elena

Hi Star* :wave:

I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling so low at the moment, but please remember you are soooo not pathetic and DEFINITELY not worthless.

All break-ups are really tough, even if - as it seems like you do - you know it was the right thing for both of you in the long run. Most people go through at least one messy break-up in their lives (I know I certainly have), so you are definitely not alone in this.

As StupidGirl mentioned, nobody can tell you how long it will take for you to feel better and get back on track - there is no magic wand. However, everyone who has posted has given really good advice. Try and surround yourself with your friends and family, and keep yourself busy. Spending time with people who love you will help get your confidence back, and remind you what it's like to be treated well...as you deserve to be.

Try and think of this as a fresh start - an opportunity for you to focus on yourself, and be happy. Maybe you could start a new hobby, or get away for a few days to relax and regroup?

You might find it a comfort to read our real-life story on breaking up, or have a look at our factsheets on accepting it's over and mending a broken heart. There's also a really useful website called Breaking Up you might like to check out.

I really hope you start to feel better soon Star*. Chin up and take care of yourself.

S x