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Alcoholism

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I really just need some advice...

I've had a problem with alcohol for a good few years now, and have made many attempts at staying sober, which have all failed. My problem is that, when I start to drink, there's something inside me which doesn't want or know when to stop. I get out of control, and very, very messy and hysterical. It all came to a head the other night, when after nearly months of not drinking, I decided that it would be ok to have a drink. My closest friends had come over to my house, for a reunion and a piss up, as they'd all been travelling for months, so it was the first time we'd been together.

I thought I would be fine, I'd not drunk for ages, and believed that this time it'd be different, one drink would be fine, I could control it etc etc etc.

It ended up with me putting my head through my window...

My friends, I think, felt bad, because they know of my problems with alcohol, and they'd all come over for the specific purpose to get wasted. I felt like I couldn't say no to alcohol. I don't want them to feel bad, because it's not their problem, it's mine, and I don't want them to be constantly feeling like they can't drink because of me. They've spent the past 3 years looking after me pretty much most weekends, (for which I am so much more grateful than they will ever know, and I love them all so much for putting up with me for that length of time and not deserting me) and now I've decided to quit drinking for good, I don't want them to pussyfoot around me and think, 'We need to be careful around her...' etc etc.

But it's just so hard to stop when drinking is such a massive part of my friends (and my) lives. I don't know what to do. I've been avoiding going out in social situations where drink is present, which is pretty much most situations, but last night, I went to the pub, and stayed sober. It was so hard, and I hated every minute of seeing my friends drink, and knowing that I couldn't even have one drink (it's a downward spiral for me I think) and I wanted to cry all night.

I just need advice on what to do really. How to help myself etc.

Thanks
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you getting help for this? Also, could you ask your friends not to drink in front of you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Given how all pervading alcohol is in our society it is difficult to avoid, I really suggest you talk to a proffesional to get the best advice. Release are good people - www.release.org.uk

    As for how to avoid it, can you do things as a group that dont involve alcohol, perhaps play a sport, go to the cinema, get a bit cultured in a gallery?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I could, but drink is such a big part of their lives, that it'd be really selfish of me to ask them that, especially seeing as they have no problem with drinking. I hate the thought that even when I'm sober, it's a burden on them, because they'll be thinking 'Oh shit, we shouldn't drink in front of her...'.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I suppose you have a choice, either change your group of friends or get used to not drinking around them (personally I'd choose the latter). Because by the sound of your self control drinking a little isnt an option.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ask your friends to go out and do an activity together juston a one off im sure they will be more than happy to do so if it means helping your drink problem. if you enjoy it then do it again not really frequently just now and again to get you out of the house and stuff. why not try joining a club like a dance club or a sport club or something. that might sound silly but it does help becasue you have somegthing to work towards. there is so much out there to do other than drink. my sister is suffering a bit of a low point in here life atm as her fiance just broke up with her and my other sister who is younger than her landed a really good job while she is still working in the local shop all that sort of stuff and she joined a freestyle dance class in the evenings and she loves it and it has really picked her up. she hjas also started doing an exercise class which is good too as she knows she is improving her physical health and it will help your self esteem alot, im not saying you have a self esteem problem or anything but drink problems can be related to that sometimes. if your not already definately get a councellor or something like thatr they can work wonders for you :thumb:
    all in all good luck and im sure with time and patience you will conquer this.;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What is in a name - Thank you for your advice, and I'm glad your sister is feeling better. I have thought about exercise classes. I've also thought about Buddhist meditation, which I think could help me.

    I'm only 20, and I know that I can never drink, and the prospect scares me completely. Things can only get better though, I hope...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not sure if I can really give advice, but just wanted you to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

    I used to be similar to you when I was younger (late teens early 20s). I didn't know when to stop, worried about losing friends etc and used to do silly thngs to myself also.

    Now I'm 30, for the last 5 or 6 years I have learnt when to stop, but was able to do this myself. Now I'm not saying for one moment that you should do this by yourself, I'm just letting you know how I was and that I have learnt to control it. So don't panic too much.

    I still very occasionally get drunk and get a bit silly, but nothing to harm myself (or others) as I used to (just some silly dancing and the occasional trip over!) and it's very rare.

    You should definitely seek help from a professional and they can assess your problem and/or issues and see where to go from here.

    It may be that you need to give up alcohol or that you may learn to control your intake as I did. My doctor diagnosed me as an alcoholic at age 24 which really kicked me arse in to gear! I think he was using shock teqhniques by scaring me...but hell it worked! I did have an alcohol problem though for sure.

    Either way, there is help and you will get through this as long as you want to.

    Good luck x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you don't do somthing your friends will desert you at some point.
    I have seen it so many times.
    Total absitinence works for many but is very hard to achieve.
    Being more mature in your approach to alcohol could mean you becoming a sensible drinker.
    Not easy.
    Trouble with alcohol is the massive ammount of damage it does to your body.
    It may be legal but it is one of the most dangerous recreational substances available.
    You at least recognise there is a problem ...so you have already made the first step
    The second step is talking about it and asking advice ...you've taken two steps forward.
    All i can do is wish you the very best of luck in your efforts and progress.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oooopppssss.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dreamy_me wrote: »

    I'm only 20, and I know that I can never drink, and the prospect scares me completely.


    exactly your only twenty you cant have been drinking heavily for more than a few years and there are people out there how have conquered there drink problem after a life time of heavy drinking. im not saying its easy but this can be cured completely if you really want it to. morrocan roll is right you need to do something because your friends will leave you if you dont sort this out. there is nothing at all stopping you from making a complete recovery and one day you will be able to go out with your frineds have a drink or two have a laugh and go home after a good night out. that is if you really want to. this is an addiction and its not going to be easy but there nothing stopping you sorting this out. thereb is a sea of people willing to help you if you look for them. you have made the first step, admitting you have a problem now you really need to do something about it before it gets worse.

    my sister and her fiance broke up because he had a drink problem. they were going to get married and were perfect for each other. there truly was no one better for either of them except for his drinking. if you dont sort it out and go and see someone it will take over your life even more than it has now.
    i really hope you sort this out and io know you can if you really want to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have a glass of wine with my lunch and dinner.

    does that make me an alcoholic?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^ Could you go without it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^ Could you go without it?

    yes. its not something i seek. its just a plus for the meal. i do however feel better about things when i have a glass. so perhaps im not alcoholic. others think i am though because of this.

    my message for the OP:

    unless you are strong enought to exhibit self-control when it comes to drink, it is best to keep yourself away from any activities involving drink and that includes drinks with mates.

    i used to have a drug problem that ive tried and failed to stop. it was only when i stopped contact from my druggie friends, went with others that didnt take, until my desire to take drugs was gone. after that i started hanging out with my mate who take drugs but i dont desire it as much as i did; i am able to control myself. choose when to take and when not to. it was only when i felt strong enough and was able to prove to myself i was, that i allowed myself to be in the presence of drugs.

    if i can do it, so can you!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Alcoholism and having a drink problem are rarely the same thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dreamy_me wrote: »
    I could, but drink is such a big part of their lives, that it'd be really selfish of me to ask them that, especially seeing as they have no problem with drinking. I hate the thought that even when I'm sober, it's a burden on them, because they'll be thinking 'Oh shit, we shouldn't drink in front of her...'.


    What is it you drink? Beer, Wine, Cider?

    Can't you drink mixers - something like Shandys?

    Most of the time most people won't even notice it's a shandy and think it's a beer.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'll drink to that. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is just soo nice of you that you have quit the bad habbit , it is like it is a challenge you faced against you your self and you won it , you prooved that the right is always stronger than the wrong.
    But still though , you ar eat a very critical condition now , you just have to be away form ones that drink too , specially your freinds , just in case if some says " c'mon man, just a glass , for the last time " , thats when you atart it up again
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Drinking

    I have been a heavy drinker for a number of years and it has affected me in serious ways, inlcuding being sent to prison. Even whilst inside I collected 'drops' of spirits for 2 bottles of vodka wages and escaped three times in order to get beer.
    The only thing I have discovered that helps is alpha-methylphenethylamine (Speed) under the influence of which I don't even feel like a drink and can find jobs and live a healthy normal life. I'd recommend it to anyone.
    Thanks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :crazyeyes
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skinner wrote: »
    The only thing I have discovered that helps is alpha-methylphenethylamine (Speed) under the influence of which I don't even feel like a drink and can find jobs and live a healthy normal life. I'd recommend it to anyone.

    Is it just me that's thought of frying pan, fire and WTF ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Alcohol & Ecstasy

    Hehe yes I appreciate the analogy but I was just adding a comment that alcoholism can be cured - it's been proven medically.

    Cheers!
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,156 Skive's The Limit
    Skinner wrote: »
    Hehe yes I appreciate the analogy but I was just adding a comment that alcoholism can be cured - it's been proven medically.

    Cheers!

    Advising somebody to self medicate with speed is not good advice.
    And regular use of speed will not lead to a 'healthy normal life'.
    Yesterday is history
    Tomorrow is a mystery
    But today is a gift
    That’s why it’s call the present
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote: »
    Advising somebody to self medicate with speed is not good advice.
    And regular use of speed will not lead to a 'healthy normal life'.
    No it won't. Too many people fucked up on speed.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Alcohol & Ecstasy

    I am simply advising someone to take a slightly less harmful path through life: ie. replacing a certain killer drug, alcohol, with a substitute, Speed.

    Thankyou.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skinner wrote: »
    I am simply advising someone to take a slightly less harmful path through life: ie. replacing a certain killer drug, alcohol, with a substitute, Speed.

    Thankyou.

    And speed isn't a killer either? Speed does some horrible things to people and a nasty speed addiction is up there with the worst. Of course there's the pretty obvious argument that if you're susseptible to drug addiction, it's best not advised to suggest trying another addictive substance.

    If someone really wants to kick the habit they should join the AA.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What about your ticker? At least the liver can repair itself...
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,156 Skive's The Limit
    Skinner wrote: »
    I am simply advising someone to take a slightly less harmful path through life: ie. replacing a certain killer drug, alcohol, with a substitute, Speed.

    Thankyou.

    If you have an alcohol problem you should seek profesional help, not self medicate with illegal drugs, especially ones which can cause serious mental health problems and carry a risk of addiction themselves.
    Yesterday is history
    Tomorrow is a mystery
    But today is a gift
    That’s why it’s call the present
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skinner wrote: »
    I am simply advising someone to take a slightly less harmful path through life: ie. replacing a certain killer drug, alcohol, with a substitute, Speed.

    Thankyou.
    Don't you see the possible effects of your suggestion? Replacing one drug addiction with another doesn't solve the cause of the problem.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes but your brain can't. Alcohol definitely causes brain damage, albeit progressively, by killing brain cells which can't be replaced.
    Speed has not been known to cause anything like as much damage and users who come off the drug are not known to suffer long term side-effects. I could not have talked to you this way years ago because of the death of millions of neurons.

    Bye.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you still take speed?

    It's also not even a substitute for alcohol, everytime I've took speed I've also been drinking alcohol with it so you don't really have any basis for an argument. It's stupid and there are much more safer avenues you can go down to get off alcohol addiction.
This discussion has been closed.