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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok, I have news for you matey.

    Not everyone else had niceness by default. I have to work damn hard at being nice most of the time as naturally I am a sarcastic bitch. Likewise, not everyone else is instantly fancied. Tell me, do you fancy every person you see? Thought not.

    Everyone else is seen as nice by default. And yes, I don't fancy every person I see. But most people at least have someone checking them out. I feel bad when no one does it to me.
    To be happy you need to accept that there is variety in the world. No two people are the same or do the same things - I can't quite see how you don't understand that. Ok, the few people your age you know may all be married with 2 children, but that doesn't mean everyone is by any means.

    And if I was 24 and married with 2 kids I definitely wouldn't be happy

    I know that everybody is different. But i just hate being the odd one out.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    And yes, I don't fancy every person I see. But most people at least have someone checking them out. I feel bad when no one does it to me.

    How often to you leave your house with a smile on your face?

    You need to come across as an approachable person, before you can expect someone to want to come over to talk to you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel down a lot and don't smile that much. And i always feel that people are hostile to me so that's why I don't smile much.

    Someone here said I'm rude, and I admit I can be sometimes. But because people appear hostile I think I owe them nothing and it snowballs.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you smiles more then maybe people wouldn't seem as hostile.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    I want relationships and sweetness too. That's another reason why I'm the odd one out. Everyone else is seen as default nice and people fancy them but not me and I don't like that.

    Whether its intentional or not I cant tell but you are pushing me towards just being quite insulting. I dont know whether you have ever used a message board before, or talked to anyone in your entire life, but there is such a thing as listening. You hear or read something and it goes in, you think about it and consider 'hmm, perhaps that might be true'. You seem completely unable to actually take in anything anyone has written.

    A) There is no such thing as a normal life

    B) Most people when it comes down to it look out for themselves (human nature really)

    C) Just because someone is in a relationship does not make them happy

    D) Endlessly comparing your life to other peoples will never make you happy
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The feeling that one is somehow 'abnormal' can be very isolating. On here lots of people will say that there is no such thing as normal but then are keen to label some of us as being abnormal.

    It is also true that nobody has it 'completely easy' in life. If it appears this way then there is almost certainly something you don't know about them or some aspect of their life or their history that you've just not seen for whatever reason. We can never know everything about a person, not even ourselves.

    We can't show you that nobody has a perfect life though as we can never know enough about everyone, but we can show you that not everyone has a perfect life, there is so much pain and suffering felt by so many people on so many levels. Even amongst your own peers - people of roughly your age, living in roughly the same conditions etc, there is so much suffering and pain. The world is a very broken place. Life does hurt.

    I don't doubt that your life is difficult but maybe you could work on the idea of emphaphy for others with your counsellor? It might help you feel better about yourself if you could see that you are not as 'different' as you imagine.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    but everything is sweet for you and I want the same.
    ilipintt, I would like to know how exactly you came to the conclusion that everybody else has it easy or that that life is sweet? I find that attitude incredibly offensive because I have worked so god damn hard to get to the point I am at now. I'm at a good uni and I have an amazing fiance and I know what I want out of my life, but don't you for a minute try and tell me that I had it easy and that's why I have what I have. I worked my god damned arse off, got a hell of a lot of scars - mental and physical - and PISSED OFF A LOT OF PEOPLE to get where I wanted to be.

    One of my very good friends got their A2 results today. They got 3 A grades, and by god do they deserve it. I have watched them through suicidal lows and hoped to hell that they would fight through it and still be alive in the morning. They worked so, so, SO hard to get the grades they have and if you dare suggest that they had it easier than you or that they were somehow given an advantage in life I will be forced to hunt you down and slap you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    How?

    They all have something wrong with their eyes (same as me) which causes them to wobble and causes poor vision.
    A) There is no such thing as a normal life

    C) Just because someone is in a relationship does not make them happy

    D) Endlessly comparing your life to other peoples will never make you happy

    :yes:

    What is it you actually want? And how do you know that most people having someone checking them out?
    But most people at least have someone checking them out. I feel bad when no one does it to me.

    Maybe if you weren't so negative, then you'd be a lot more approachable.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't want to wade into this debate at the n't hour - but have you considered looking at other threads on this website and maybe just engaging in other peoples threads - for example this one http://vbulletin.thesite.org.uk/showthread.php?t=128892

    or though its not for the faint hearted wading into the P&D section?

    You might suprise yourself with what you have to offer to others
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    budda wrote: »
    Whether its intentional or not I cant tell but you are pushing me towards just being quite insulting. I dont know whether you have ever used a message board before, or talked to anyone in your entire life, but there is such a thing as listening. You hear or read something and it goes in, you think about it and consider 'hmm, perhaps that might be true'. You seem completely unable to actually take in anything anyone has written.

    A) There is no such thing as a normal life

    OK. But how?
    B) Most people when it comes down to it look out for themselves (human nature really)

    i know no one owes anybody anything.
    C) Just because someone is in a relationship does not make them happy

    But why should they have a special right to love? Everyone has a need for affliliation and closeness so I don't see why I should miss out.
    D) Endlessly comparing your life to other peoples will never make you happy

    I can't help it. Everyone else seems so happy and content.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    But why should they have a special right to love? Everyone has a need for affliliation and closeness so I don't see why I should miss out.

    Where did budda say people have a right to love?

    You're the only person who change the fact that you're not with anyone.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "How" doesnt even make sense as a response to what budda said.
    Is this how you speak to everyone you meet?

    Noone has a "right" to love. people just fall in love here and there. noone has a right to it.

    People "seeming" happy and content to you, doesnt actually mean they are. In fact you are soooo unperceptive, id almost go so far as to say that you probably couldnt tell either way what someone was going through. It seems like you only believe what you want to believe and dont actually care if its true or not
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I suggest that you dont bother coming in here if you are not going to listen to advice people are trying to say.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "How" doesnt even make sense as a response to what budda said.
    Is this how you speak to everyone you meet?

    No. I just didn't understand what he meant.
    Noone has a "right" to love. people just fall in love here and there. noone has a right to it.

    But that's what he was suggesting. He was saying that relationships are for certain people and not others and I disagree with that.
    People "seeming" happy and content to you, doesnt actually mean they are. In fact you are soooo unperceptive, id almost go so far as to say that you probably couldnt tell either way what someone was going through. It seems like you only believe what you want to believe and dont actually care if its true or not

    But I don't know whether people are suffering or not.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    They all have something wrong with their eyes (same as me) which causes them to wobble and causes poor vision.



    :yes:

    What is it you actually want? And how do you know that most people having someone checking them out?

    Because it just seems logical. That's why most people get in relationships.
    Maybe if you weren't so negative, then you'd be a lot more approachable.

    I have little to be positive about.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    But that's what he was suggesting. He was saying that relationships are for certain people and not others and I disagree with that.

    He said nothing like that. He said that there are people in relationships who aren't happy. You're the one going on about rights to love.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »


    But that's what he was suggesting. He was saying that relationships are for certain people and not others and I disagree with that.


    But I don't know whether people are suffering or not.

    He wasnt saying that at all, and you just have to take peoples word for it that theydont have an easy life. People dont just go around lying about stuff like that. What would be the point??
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So if you dont know, dont assume.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not going to stick my oar in here too much but I just wanted to say how much I am :yes: :yes: 'ing with Randomgirl's post here:




    Randomgirl wrote: »
    The feeling that one is somehow 'abnormal' can be very isolating. On here lots of people will say that there is no such thing as normal but then are keen to label some of us as being abnormal.

    It is also true that nobody has it 'completely easy' in life. If it appears this way then there is almost certainly something you don't know about them or some aspect of their life or their history that you've just not seen for whatever reason. We can never know everything about a person, not even ourselves.

    We can't show you that nobody has a perfect life though as we can never know enough about everyone, but we can show you that not everyone has a perfect life, there is so much pain and suffering felt by so many people on so many levels. Even amongst your own peers - people of roughly your age, living in roughly the same conditions etc, there is so much suffering and pain. The world is a very broken place. Life does hurt.

    I don't doubt that your life is difficult but maybe you could work on the idea of emphaphy for others with your counsellor? It might help you feel better about yourself if you could see that you are not as 'different' as you imagine.

    Fab Advice (once again :razz:). Put across perfectly. I just hope the OP reads it fully and takes it in as it sums up the issue in hand by the reads of things!
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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    'Normality' does not equate happiness.

    I am 24 years old, married, mortgage, cats (no kids), professional job and happy.

    I have a friend who I went to uni with who is not in a relationship, doesn't have a house (owned - she rents), doesn't have kids but extremely happy.

    Which of us is the most 'normal'?

    Also, who is to say that once you achieve all of these things you would be happy?

    And another thing, with this current attitude that you have of 'the world owes me everything, I deserve so much more' you will not get into a relationship. Prospective partners would run a mile. These are not attractive qualities to have in a person.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    'Normality' does not equate happiness.

    I am 24 years old, married, mortgage, cats (no kids), professional job and happy.

    I have a friend who I went to uni with who is not in a relationship, doesn't have a house (owned - she rents), doesn't have kids but extremely happy.

    Which of us is the most 'normal'?

    Also, who is to say that once you achieve all of these things you would be happy?

    And another thing, with this current attitude that you have of 'the world owes me everything, I deserve so much more' you will not get into a relationship. Prospective partners would run a mile. These are not attractive qualities to have in a person.

    Most people my age have had lots of relationships. i feel bad in missing out. in society if you don't date you're considered a loser. and why would a prospective partner run a mile.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also, who is to say that once you achieve all of these things you would be happy?
    I've seen a lot of people on the last couple of pages say stuff like even if you had all that (relationships, friendships, 'normal' life) it doesn't necessarily make you happy. I think thats irrelevant, its not going to make OP feel any better being told she's not missing out on anything, that's like telling a virgin sex is overrated - doesn't matter, they need to experience it for personal 'closure' that that box has been ticked! So OP, please walk into a nightclub, SMILE (its not hard, however down you feel personally its easy to put on a happy face) and the rest will follow..

    Off-topic, I'd HATE to be married in my early 20s!! Couldn't possibly imagine spending the rest of my whole life just sleeping with one person when I'm that young. Would feel like I'm missing out on all the other girls out there.. really want to shag as many girls as possible until into my early 30s, to know I've made the most of it all. Others will of course disagree..
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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    ilipintt wrote: »
    Most people my age have had lots of relationships. i feel bad in missing out. in society if you don't date you're considered a loser.

    Says who? I know of quite a few people who have not had serious relationships by the time they are 25. Quite a few. Including the person I mentioned. However, I will go to that wonderful phrase and say that age ain't nothing but a number ;)
    and why would a prospective partner run a mile.

    If it was me, I would not want to date someone like you, who seems to think that the world owes you everything. You seem to have a rather distorted view of life. And one that is not attractive. If you pine for a relationship then it puts people off. Simple as, tbh.

    I notice that you decline to answer my question.
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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    tinkler wrote: »
    I've seen a lot of people on the last couple of pages say stuff like even if you had all that (relationships, friendships, 'normal' life) it doesn't necessarily make you happy. I think thats irrelevant, its not going to make OP feel any better being told she's not missing out on anything, that's like telling a virgin sex is overrated - doesn't matter, they need to experience it for personal 'closure' that that box has been ticked!

    It is not irrelevant. The OP originally stated that they wanted an easy time. Having all of these things does not equate an easy time.

    Off-topic, I'd HATE to be married in my early 20s!! Couldn't possibly imagine spending the rest of my whole life just sleeping with one person when I'm that young. Would feel like I'm missing out on all the other girls out there.. really want to shag as many girls as possible until into my early 30s, to know I've made the most of it all. Others will of course disagree..

    Good job everyone's different, eh? ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Says who? I know of quite a few people who have not had serious relationships by the time they are 25. Quite a few. Including the person I mentioned. However, I will go to that wonderful phrase and say that age ain't nothing but a number ;)

    Says society.
    If it was me, I would not want to date someone like you, who seems to think that the world owes you everything. You seem to have a rather distorted view of life. And one that is not attractive. If you pine for a relationship then it puts people off. Simple as, tbh.

    i know that no one is owed anything. and i dont realise that i have a distorted view of life. and i also dont know why its not attractive.
    I notice that you decline to answer my question.

    Yes it would make me happy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No offence but your answers are simplistic and bordering on stupid in this thread, whilst they are safe in the others you engage in...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im sorry but I'm not a very intelligent person. Thats why I sound quite dumb here.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt - Please answer this question. You say everyone else is normal because they are different to you. Yet your reasoning for being different is that you feel differently to them. Why do you assume that you're the only person alive who feels insecure? You can't honestly believe that?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know im not the only person who is insecure. but i dont like being single and want someone to be with. is that so wrong?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    Im sorry but I'm not a very intelligent person. Thats why I sound quite dumb here.

    Well, clearly that's not true judging by your posts in other threads...
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